Tackling food

Food and I have not had a good relationship in quite a long time. Some other factors have exacerbated it, but recently (past 6months) I have both ran from food (minimal meal planning, convenient food, not eating breakfast and often skipping lunch) while at the same time turning to it in the midst of stress (convenient food, sweets and carbs). It hasn't been pretty.

My energy is low, I don't feel healthy despite being at a "good" bmi. I know I don't need to lose weight, but I do need to gain control. And so, to do that and to be ready to support Matt in whatever program he ends up choosing as well, I got signed up for a program with slim4life.

I'm not excited. I'm on day two of "preparation." Day 1 did not go as it should have, as we were battling sicknesses and traveling back home from the holidays. I had no mental time to prepare myself. So today has been my pity party. There's no real recipes. You get a fruit for breakfast, a fruit for midday, a lunch of a meat, veggie, and starch, same for dinner. They throw in their own snacks and packaged drinks, which I also don't love... it's their money maker. I'll deal with it.

So I've had my good cry. Now I'm going to muddle through the next 4weeks. Praise God I'm starting when I am and will be able to partake in Christmas goodies. I guess this will be a built-in Advent penance. I hadn't thought of it that way until typing it out. But really, it's true that food has become both hindrance, fear, and idol. It both needs to be raised to a higher level of art and nutrition and lowered from being my coping mechanism.

Already yesterday, I could tell the times when I was yearning for warm, carby/sweet food. Early in the morning as a pick-me-up. Driving for three hours as a distraction. Arriving back as a reward and for "warmth." At the end of the day when I was tired and I wanted "comfort."

I do not intend to return to my old habits at the end of this. Yes, after 4 weeks I will once again partake in carbs and sweets. I will find balance. I will plan out better, balanced meals. I will try better ingredients. I do not want to go vegan, Paleo, whole 30, Atkins, or anything else. I simply want to be Eucharistic. Recognize the goodness of food, but keep it in its place. It is not something to run to or from. It is nourishment and gift.

Pray for me in this endeavor, maybe, pretty please?