Christ the King: Quote of the Day XXXIV

If we let Christ reign in our soul, we will not become authoritarian. Rather we will serve everyone. How I like that word: service! To serve my king and, through him, all those who have been redeemed by his blood. I really wish we Christians knew how to serve, for only by serving can we know and love Christ and make him known and loved.
Christ is Passing By, 182

St. Josemaria Escriva 

Found on: http://www.josemariaescriva.info/article/the-feast-of-christ-the-king

 

The Feels

These days, I get home and I just sit.  I sit and realize how much I get hung up on the little irritating things that happened throughout the day.  I didn't get invited somewhere...even if I know I wouldn't have been able to make it, I wasn't invited.  Some small, yet easily fixable, mistake happened at work...but even though it was a quick fix, it still was a mistake.  I didn't pray enough at work. I got home today, and my mom, bless her heart, tried to clean up my room since I'd been on the go all week and hadn't gotten to it...and in the process, I have a stack of papers that don't go together and clothes put into wrong drawers because order matters, people (in my defense, she reorganizes the dish washer when I try to help load it).

Why do I get so hung up on the little things? 

One time a good friend found me upset in our school chapel before I went into a mock interview.  She lovingly sat with me, let me cry out my nervousness, and laughingly told me, "I just don't have as many feels as you."

I stayed up sleepless almost the entire night after the last presidential election because I was so distraught with the results. The first time I came home from college and my mom rearranged the furniture in my room, I cried as I wrote a long email to one of the Sisters at the IHMs about how I hated being so attached to little things in life. You wouldn't believe it, but I'm almost choking back tears as I think back on that last memory.

I feel a lot of things, and I feel them deeply.  But God made my heart that way.  And God gifts me with grace when I'm open to it, to grow through these habits, out of bad habits, and onto more fulfilling habits.

I also read a lot into how other people react to me and to situations.  If my manager corrects one of my mistakes, I try to appear graceful and thankful for the correction on the outside, but my head looks more like "OH MY GOSH I'M THE WORST EMPLOYEE EVER OH MY GOSH I'M SORRY DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH ME OH MY GOSH SHE HATES ME PLEASE LET ME GO BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND HOW DID I EVER GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE WITH MISTAKES LIKE THIS?"  Most of the misunderstandings that happen in my life are from assuming the other person is LIVID at me over some small tiff.

All of my favorite devotions and quotes from spiritual greats are those that challenge me the most in my faith life.  I love Divine Mercy because I'm so BAD at it.  So this quote pierces my heart and knocks me over again and again: "To be pleased at correction and reproofs shows that one loves the virtues which are contrary to those faults for which he is corrected and reproved. And, therefore, it is a great sign of advancement in perfection." -- St. Francis de Sales

Oh dear, how far I am from that. I really don't like being called out.  Really don't like it.  I'd rather do it first myself than somebody else.  But that's exactly where I need to be more open.  I need to let others see my mistakes, and correct me for them.  I need to be reminded of my lowliness.

On a lighter note...

This is one of my favorite images right now at work...I've had a growing devotion to St. Joseph lately, and this image...it's lovely...

I tried real hard to find the name of the artist, but am coming up short.

Luke 17:1-6: Daily Gospel XXI

For reference, here's the link: USCCB link to daily readings

I think the first few lines really caught my attention:  “Things that cause sin will inevitably occur, but woe to the one through whom they occur."

Not through which they occur, but through whom they occur.  There can be occasions of sin, but that sin still comes through people, whether somebody encouraging the sin or the sinner.  Things can be tempting, but sin originates in the hearts of mankind.  Still, even though Jesus says it would be better for a millstone to be hung around the neck of the person causing sin, if they repent they are to be forgiven.  Hey, wait, how can I forgive them if they're in the sea with a millstone?  Hmm...

Also, after His discourse on forgiveness, the Apostles ask Him to increase their faith.  It takes some serious faith, lots of loving, and LOTS of dying to self to forgive, especially when the other person has acted deliberately against you.  You feel like you're the one missing out when you're doing the forgiving, like your opinion isn't being heard, and you don't matter in this situation. 

We need faith in God and His abundant grace to be the rebuker and forgiver of our brethren.  It hurts to point out wrong-doing, and it hurts almost more sometimes to let it go.  It is the just person who will see clearly what is wrong, reveal it as such, and then give it up to God to handle.

Breathing fits in somewhere too...I just don't know where...

What have I been up to lately?

Work.  Lots of work.  Full-time job work. 

Wedding planning.  Inching closer to finalizing big decisions like cake, catering, and flowers.  Save the dates will be coming up soon.  We're at the half-way point of the engagement, basically.  Where did the last 6 months go?!

Online homework.  That I always end up doing Sunday night before it's due.  Old habits die hard.  But we're finally getting into meatier subjects concerning bioethics.  Excitement.

I haven't had a doing-nothing weekend in more than 6 weeks.  As much as I understand that everyone has to put their events on weekends, why is it every weekend in a row?  I've been invited to a baptism next weekend, but honestly, I love them to death, but I may finally have to crave to my introvert ways and STOP ALL ACTIVITY for two days.  That's all I'm asking for.  Two days of no plans.

I'm exercising.  This must sound completely silly, but for me, it's a big deal.  Every Tuesday and Thursday I'm at the Y for an hour after work on the treadmill.  I've never been on a treadmill except for physical therapy for my knee, and now I'm making a habit of it.  Since I've been doing it for about a month, it's finally morphing from "Ugh, I gotta go or else I'll kick myself for it and fall out of the habit," to: "I can't wait to lose all the stress from work on the treadmill and walk it off..."  Now, the Y is definitely NOT made for introverts.  I'm tempted to find a smaller gym, but I have a pass through my dad's work, so I'm not paying membership...  So for now I put in my iPod, focus in on Wheel of Fortune, and try to pretend no one else is around. 

Teaching religion class with my dad.  Juniors in high school.  My dad and I have polar opposite teaching approaches.  He hardly prepares, but since he's been covering apologetics for the past few years, he can improvise with personal stories and be totally relatable, and completely fill the whole hour without it feeling like it's a whole hour.  I can prep for two days in advance, but I'm such a to-the-point, why-don't-you-already-know-this, it's-all-in-my-head-and-I-don't-know-how-to-communicate-it person that even if I try to supplement lessons with extra facts, history, and reading excerpts, I still have trouble stretching a class to even 45 minutes, at which point Dad catches on that I'm running out of material and jumps in with personal stories.  For example...Dad covered the Eucharist, which only covers 3 pages in the book, yet he easily took up the first 3 classes with the material.  It's also one of his favorite topics to cover...John 6 is his favorite chapter in all the Bible.   I had the Canon of the Bible and "Sola Scriptura" and struggled to stretch it into 2 classes, even though I told cool stories about the Jewish history of the Old Testament, and the gnostic Gospels, and the Dead Sea Scrolls...I LOVE all the history, I just can't keep talking on and on!  Dad is covering St. Peter right now, who is seriously his favorite saint EVER.  The man can talk about St. Peter easily for 3 classes.  And I get to cover Mary to wrap up the semester...  When we realized what we were each covering, we couldn't help but savor the perfectness of it...we're each covering our favorite theological topics.  I just wish I was a better teacher.  I realize that there are whole classes over single topics like these, but I struggle to fill two classes with material.  I'm just no teacher at all.

Anywho, that's life.  Now, back to that homework I've been procrastinating on... (don't worry, I just have to do some citing!)