Song recommendation of the day XXIV

I'm super happy right now. Originally I was going to be working day shift on the 3rd floor of the nursing home this weekend.  I was going to be working on a floor that I was unfamiliar with and working day shift for the first time.  Consequently, I have been having an irrational fear of everything to do with this weekend for the past week.  I just received a call this morning that I will be doing day shift still, but will instead be on my usual floor.  Praise the Lord. To celebrate, I'm playing one of my favorite dance-party-with-the-roomie songs from last year.

Unprepared

I'm looking forward to the last two weeks of Lent this year.  God is stretching and pulling me in many ways to grow these next few weeks.  For starters, this weekend I'll be working on a whole different floor of the nursing home I work at, on a completely different shift from what I work, so I really just don't know what to expect.  And this year will be my first year away from home for a major holiday (Easter), so God is really introducing me to some new, scary, exciting situations. Also in the next few weeks, I hope and pray to be finding somewhere to live this summer here in KC.  Blessed Teresa of Calcutta's musing rings true for me these days: "I know God won't give me anything I can't handle. I just wish He didn't trust me so much."

Basically, I feel super unprepared these days.  God is sending me into whole new battles and circumstances, and it doesn't seem to me that I have all my necessary equipment. I don't even have a strategy.  I just keep going without a plan or any clue what I'm getting myself into.  I guess the times that God tests us are the times where we're thrown in the pool so that we can come back to the surface and tread water.  I guess that means I need to hold my breath and plunge in.

St. Margaret of Clitherow

 
Bah, I was hoping to get to this yesterday so I could do St. Dismas (the good thief crucified alongside Jesus) but, alas, I'm also a big fan of today's saint as well.

1. St. Margaret was pretty and charming, and married a well-to-do man, John Clitherow.  She joined the Catholic Church a few years after her marriage.

2.  Being Catholic in the 1500s in England was a dangerous thing, and St. Margaret's zeal and the fact that she hid priests soon led her to be in danger herself.  She was arrested and imprisoned.

3. The authorities tried to make her deny her faith, but she would not.  She was executed by being stretched on the ground over a sharp rock and pressed on with a door laden with weights (I know we learned about this method of execution when we talked about witches and the Salem trials in English in high school, but for the life of me I can't remember it).

Lenten Message

I don't have much exciting to talk about in life right now.  So, my post for the day is simple.  If you haven't read Papa BXVI's Lenten message, head on over to Silent Musings' blog to find the link to it.  Cheers!

Quote of the Day XXV

We can believe what we choose. We are answerable for what we choose to believe.--Blessed John Henry Newman

Simply simple.

I just had the best kind of Saturday. Nothing special, just simple.

I shouldn't even say "just" simple. "Just" implies that it wasn't that great.  It was great.  It was simple.

I got up.  Ate breakfast. Spent all day focusing on one subject of study.  Caught a meal with good friends. Watched a movie with said friends. Now I'm considering whether I want to do an hour or so more of study or make a McDonald's run at midnight for some sweet tea (what can I say, I'm craving some at the moment!)

Lent has me opening my eyes to how often I make things complex. Sometimes accidentally, such as when I cram in more events into a week then I plan and I get overwhelmed.  Sometimes on purpose, such as when I read too much into life's little events and make them into huge dramas in my mind.

But today was just lovely.  I was able to focus on one thing at a time. There was sometimes urgency, but never rush.  There were spur of the moment decisions, but never imprudency. Life just was.

So, yeah, Lent.  Has me thinking a lot on simplicity, silence, and solitude.  Just a bunch of questions that roll around in my mind.  Sometimes I have an answer for them, sometimes they remain.  How do I find a balance of solitude and community in my life?  Have I been practicing enough silence?  When is silence most appropriate?  Do I need to say no to more events that come up that I try to squeeze in?  Or am I just making excuses most of the time? Are these questions in themselves making the ideas more complex than they need be?

*sigh* So my mind works most days.  But now, at the end of this day, I am content. And I will treasure this day.  Because it was simple.

Daily Gospel XII: Mark 12: 28b-34

The scribe in this Gospel is so cool, and very much a picture of how we are meant to interact with the Word of God.  Jesus gave a clear presentation of what the commandments are and what it means to live a life free from sin, and the scribe delved into what Jesus said and clued in on even deeper implications.  He was able to recognize truth AND apply it to his own life.  This is one of the biggest goals of growing in the spiritual life...to not only start making connections within Scripture itself, but also learning to make our lives subject to what the Word teaches.

The crux of this Gospel is to "love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, with all your mind, and with all your strength."  I think this is probably how the scribe can even come to his conclusions from what Jesus spoke in the first place.  The scribe sees how natural it is to love one another if your first love is God.  There is a natural conclusion that occurs.  One doesn't make sense without the other.  Further than that though, if the scribe is able to be enlightened to the teaching of Jesus, it shows that he is at least in the process of learning to love the Lord with his mind.  His understanding honors God, in a way.  And Jesus is like the proud teacher who is excited when a student pays attention in class and catches on to the material.  Maybe it just pleases God that we pay attention.  If we don't pay attention to Scripture and how it might affect us in the first place, then we'll never be able to start making the connections, as did the scribe.

Healing

God cannot approach us how we expect Him to. He must go around our expectations. He must disorient us...in our disorientation we are made open.

That thought is from Fr. Faulkner, a priest with the Catholic students at UNL. A carload of us journeyed to UNL yesterday (there and back in 11 hours...but that's a story in itself) for a healing Mass. His homily focused on his experience in going to Lourdes.  He said that most people go for a specific intention in mind, but as you wait for hours in line to enter the waters, that waiting and that time to think and ponder changes you and by the time you reach the waters, your thoughts and intentions are often completely different.  The experience of going through the process to get to the water itself sounds like an experience and the process, he said, is completely disorienting.  But in that disorientation is where Christ breaks through.  If He came to us and healed us exactly how we wanted, that would allow for us to be prideful and even demanding of Him.  Instead, Christ finds His way around our expectations. Rarely do I ever find my prayers are answered in the way I want...He either waits for a different time to answer the prayer, or answers the prayer differently altogether.  Really, when I have expectations for Him, I in a way hold Him at bay until He do things my own way. But what if I let my guard down and let Him have His way??

When I was on my way with the others to the Mass, I started realizing as we were nearing the university that I had NO idea what I wanted prayers for.  I assumed that we were supposed to have something in mind, and I had nothing.  Not that there aren't situations that I could have prayed for, there certainly are...but in that moment, I blanked.  Maybe that's exactly where God wanted me in my life...a blank slate for Him to write on.  Or rather, just to be unaware of myself for a while and more aware of Him.  As Mass went on though, and I began to figure out in my mind what I wanted to ask the prayer team to pray about for healing in my life, I started to have second thoughts about going up for healing after Mass.  It came out like this as I wrote after Mass:

"I'm so scared to go for healing. Scared of Your gaze, of admitting my fault, of seeing me the way You might see me. Do I have to open up those wounds I have again? Yet your wounds were reopened when You were stripped of Your outer garments...and the slave is not greater than the master."

Father said in his homily that when Jesus was resurrected, His wounds were not taken away, but He used them to heal others. Those who had wounded Him were wounded themselves, and now He could heal them.  It was definitely good to keep that in mind, preparing for going up for prayers of healing...knowing that God might not take those negative aspects out of my life, but also having the knowledge that He might ask me to use those wounds to reach out to others and heal. I have no idea how my spiritual, emotional, even physical wounds might heal others, but I guess that's a life-learning experience.  If Jesus used His wounds to heal the world, and I am meant to imitate Him, then I must learn how my hurts, failings, etc., might be used to heal others.  Maybe it's in learning to heal others that we experience our own healing...

Our Lady of Sorrows, pray for us!

Picture/news item of the day XX

Zelie and Louis Martin, parents of St. Therese of Lisieux

Go Papa, Go!:  Pope to U.S. Bishops: Teach Youth About Catholic Vision of Love

End of break thoughts from a tired, scattered handmaid

Spring break has come and passed for me. Tomorrow I head back to school. I'm so glad that God blessed me with this time back with my family. Friday night I helped with a soup supper that the Scouts hosted; Saturday I got to see my uncle, aunt, and cousins/Goddaughter; Sunday we went to Mass, had brunch with some family friends, and went to a German meal at a small town nearby with some other family friends; Monday I had the chance to see my friend Monica and her kiddos; Tuesday was date-night with the boyfriend; Wednesday I had my bridesmaid dress fitted and my parents and I went out to eat; and today my parents and boyfriend and I ate a Crockpot meal and played cards until just a bit ago. Now I'm soaking in as much of my time left as possible. Lord knows I will put off leaving tomorrow as long as possible. But we won't think about tomorrow...not yet. No, because right now I am here, at this moment, in this second, and I am free to not be a prisoner to tomorrow.  I am free to be here, at home. And that is a glorious feeling.

I know a few days ago was the song of the day, so I'll just link you to this song, but I posted the song The Way You Move by Audrey Assad to Facebook yesterday, and it just really captures the emotion I have at the changes and shifts that I experience in God's will for my life.  On one hand, it's healing and breathtaking to be swept off my feet by Him; on the other hand, it can be such a frightening experience to have walls torn down, roots uprooted, and life changed. Especially when I resist. I suppose I need to learn to be more pliable in the hands of the Potter.

Isn't that the way of things? I complain to God so much about how hurt I get when my way is not His way, that He should be more conducive to my own plans. But how easy it is to forget that this wasn't how He wanted things, and it hurts Him more than I will ever hurt. How many tears did He shed in the Garden over my stubbornness and pride? And how many tears have I shed over my own failings? Not even comparable to His.

That's been my meditation a lot during Communion lately. As He cried in the Garden, He thought of me, my whole life, the times I would comfort Him, even the times I would turn my back. He thought of me in my ever complicated state, always getting confused and second guessing Him. What did He think about me?  What were His thoughts as He gazed upon my messy life? He, in His simplicity, probably thought nothing more than, "This is my beloved daughter." Wow. God never tries to complicate our relationship with "give and take" (she let Me down here, so I'll let her down there...). He, in His eternal, perfect simplicity, only gives. If He takes, it is only to offer something even greater. My greatest gift back to Him could only be to give...to give my time, my effort, my prayer...my life. And though I do this imperfectly, in the offering of the Eucharist, it DOES happen perfectly. We lay our lives on the paten, and He blesses that, because it is the sacrifice of His Son. Wow.

Song recommendation of the day XXIII: Audrey Assad Edition

This post has a two-fold purpose:  first, to recommend some songs specifically to my friend over at Every Day is a Gift because I didn't know any Audrey Assad songs to recommend to her, I only know of her music (thank you, Silent Musings, for the suggestions!), but also for myself to get acquainted with her music!  I had only heard her Winter Snow Song (find it under the Music tab of my blog!) before hand and haven't given myself a chance to sit and listen to her music, so this is a bonus for me as well!

 

 Sparrow

 

 Breaking You

 

 Restless

 

 Ought To Be

 

Carry Me

Activation energy

The Christian life is a lot like overcoming the activation energy in an endothermic reaction.

Nerd statement of the day.  Stick with me though.

So, in reactions, materials obviously have to get from point A to point B, and it doesn't automatically happen.  There's some transitory state that they go through.  It might be as simple as two molecules switching places, and that part of the reaction of being in the balance is the most difficult to overcome.  Many substances don't have enough energy to completely overcome the transitional state.  They'll get close once in a while, but then can't completely overcome it and so remain as they are until they again gain energy and try again to transition and become different products.

Here's some visual for you (who knew you were getting a mini-chemistry lesson today?!)

See, the reactants were at a lower energy, and had to not only gain energy to become products over the course of the reaction, but gain enough energy to overcome a transitional state to become the products.

Alright alright, enough chemistry, I promise.  But I look at that image and think:  "That's what it looks like in the Christian life!"  We have our original sinful state, and we have sainthood...but no automatic step.  We actually need a LOT of energy (orthodox teaching, faith, perseverance, CONVICTION, PASSION, love, etc.) to reach true conversion in our lives.  If our whole lives were equivalent to the course of the reaction, then our lives are in a state of constant conversion, sometimes with the energy and strength to overcome, sometimes not quite making it and reverting back to stage 1 and trying again.  But, if we persevere and keep trying to step over that transitional stage, those moments of conversion...those conversions of heart will propel us onward toward sainthood.

What is the activation energy in your life?  What gets you going and pushes you onward to sainthood?  What in life is so challenging that you don't have enough energy to overcome it, making it a stumbling block on your path to Heaven?

St. Aubin

1. Also known as Albinus. Even saints have nicknames, isn't that sweet?!

2.  Abbot by the age of 35 (overachiever perhaps?) and also became Bishop of Angers.

3. His work was especially great amongst the sick, widows, and orphans, and even got involved in ransoming slaves.