Trying times: Quote of the Day XXXV

"Christ and Lord, you are leading me over such precipices that, when I look at them, I am filled with fright, yet at the same time I am at peace as I snuggle close to your Heart.  Close to your Heart, I don't fear anything. In these trying times, I act as a little child supported in its mother's arms. When it sees anything menacing, it clutches its mother's neck more firmly and feels secure."--St. Faustina

Sickie

I share a little too well around here.  I got rather sick early in February, and passed it on to my mom and dad.  I *thought* I had some type of allergy problem on Wednesday, except I had body aches which I attributed to my attempt at a stationary bike at the Y the day before and was switching from reallllllly hot to realllllllly cold.  Seriously, one moment I was sweating, the next my fingertips were blue...whaaa?  When I got home that evening, I went straight to bed...didn't hardly even say hi to my parents!  The only contact I had was with my mom when she handed me some Sprite and tucked me into bed (Yeah, I have a pretty fantastical mom, I know :-)  ).  Well, as it turns out, my dad came home from work early yesterday with...headache, body aches, and chills, all of which I had, though I also had sinus pressure/congestion/drainage and a cough which I don't think he had, or if he did he didn't have that part of things nearly as severely.  This morning my cough appeared to have settled nicely into my lungs, just like when I was sick in February, so it was decided I should stay home today. 

I'd like to say I've been productive, but when it feels like my entire sinus cavity is filled with no sign of relief, it's hard to stay focused on anything worth while for very long.  I've definitely broken my Lenten resolution of "Waste no time! No silly things on the computer!  Do purposeful things first before silly things of that sort!" today.  Mea culpa...?

Anywho, so that's me right now...sickie.  With not a ton to do...and yet several tiny little projects I know I should focus on.  I *did* fill out my NCAA bracket.  No worries, I don't go in for guts and glory.  I pair up the mascots and decide who I think would win in a mascot show down.  I think I maybe get a little carried away in my reasoning a bit.  Since I'm sickie and have all the time in the world at the moment, I can even tell you...

South 1st Round: Gators vs Great Danes...Gators are definitely going to win against a dog, sorry...
                             Buffaloes vs Panthers...Panthers are stealthier
                             Rams vs Lumberjacks...Lumberjacks can use their axes to sweep the rams out of the way of the trees they need to get to
                             Bruins vs Golden Hurricane...I think my reasoning this morning was that a bear can hunker down against a storm and wait for it to pass
                             Buckeyes vs Flyers...Flyers can swoop up in the sky and dive bomb
                             Orange vs Broncos...is there even a competition there?  Bronco will tear through the oranges!
                             Lobos (wolf) vs cardinal...wolf tears bird to shreds (I promise I'm not usually such a violent-minded person....just when it comes to this)
                             Jayhawks vs Colonal:  The jayhawk is technically a mythical bird, so I don't think a Colonal would know what to do with himself.
East 1st Round:  Cavaliers vs Chanticleers...I respect Coastal Carolina for choosing a mascot from classic literature....but in this case, the Cavalier is going to win.
                            Tiger vs Colonials:  Colonials haven't seen a tiger in their lifetime.  They wouldn't know what to do, and muskets are awful for aiming (I told you, I spend a tad too much time thinking this through)
                            Bearcats vs Crimson:  Bearcats are stealthier
                            Spartans vs Blue Hens (seriously?  a blue hen?)...THIS IS SPARTA!!!
                            Tar Heels vs Friars...Friars with their awesome friarness win this round
                            Cyclones vs Eagles...Cyclones can pull an eagle out of the air
                            Huskies vs Hawks...Huskies can pounce
                            Wildcats (Villanova) vs Panthers...ok, a *little* bit of my K-State bias may be coming out here...Wildcats win
West 1st Round:  Wildcats (Arizona) vs Wildcats (Weber St.)...What do I do in a case where the mascots are the same?  I'm so glad you asked...base it on favorite colors between the two schools, of course!  And since Weber State comes fairly close, Weber St. Wildcats it is.
                            Bulldogs vs Cowboys...cowboys can lasso and ride in circles around the bulldogs
                            Sooners vs Bison...it's match-ups like these that make doing the bracket in this way so fun...when the mascots actually probably were matched up against each other at some point or another.  Sooners killed the bison.
                            Aztecs vs Aggies...Sadly, the Aztecs just plain had more primitive weaponry
                           Bears vs Cornhuskers...dear Matt's family...I still really like you and want to be part of this family...but bears would probably just run right through a corn field and eat everything...including the husker...
                            Blue Jays vs Cajuns...I feel like back porch blue jay shooting might fit in a cajun's evening schedule (man, I'm an awful person...please don't take any of this seriously.  Please.)
                          Ducks vs Cougars...Ducks didn't stand a chance...they just can't waddle away fast enough
                          Badgers vs Eagles...Eagles can be quite stealthy and predatory, and badgers just don't come across to me as being as aggresive.
Midwest 1st Round:  Shockers vs Mustangs...I'm very proud of the Shockers, and again you have to take this with a grain of sand...but mustangs would buck their way through a wheat field, and possibly buck a harvester too...
                                  Wildcats (Kentucky) vs  Wildcats (Kansas State)...I just can't help it...EMAW!  Go State!
                                  Bilikens vs Wolfpack...for as long as I've been trying to ask people from St. Louis what a Biliken is, *they* can't answer me straight...but I think in any case, a wolfpack would win
                                  Cardinals vs Jaspers...Jaspers, only because it was a really cool dude that the mascot is based on...
                                 Minutemen vs Volunteers...in this case I had to look up both mascots to take a look and see...the mascot for Tennessee is technically a coon hound...a minutemen would be giving orders to a hound...
                                Blue Devils vs Bears...I very rarely let a devil mascot win...Bears it is.
                                Longhorns vs Sun Devils...case in point, Longhorns win
                                Wolverines vs Terriers...Wolverines are more ferocious

South 2nd Round:  Gators vs Panthers...Panthers would be able to run around a gator, it would also be stealthier
                               Lumberjacks vs Bruins...bears are bigger, more intimidating
                               Flyers vs Broncos...Flyers can once again swoop up and dive bomb
                               Lobos vs Jayhawks...Lobos just look plain ferocious...sorry birdie
East 2nd Round:  Cavaliers vs Tigers...A cavalier wouldn't know what to do with a tiger...
                             Bearcat vs Spartans...THIS IS SPARTA!!!
                             Friars vs Cyclones...Friars are cool, but they're human and can get swept up in a cyclone.
                              Huskies vs Wildcats (Villanova)...Wildcats sound like more ferocious creatures
West 2nd Round:  Wildcats (Weber St.) vs Cowboys...Wildcats would eat up the cowboys in their sleep
                              Sooners vs Aggies...oooooh verrrry similar match up here, but in this case I chose to stick with closer to home, so the Sooners take it
                              Bears vs Cajuns...Bears are stronger, more intimidating
                              Cougars vs Eagles...I can imagine a cougar winning a fight in the end
Midwest 2nd Round:  Mustangs vs Wildcats (Kansas State)...perhaps a little bias again...EMAW!
                                    Wolfpack vs Jaspers...Wolfpack would surround the poor guy
                                    Minutemen vs Bears...Bears are bigger
                                    Longhorns vs Wolverines...wolverines would sneak up and surround the slower moving cattle
South Sweet Sixteen:  Panthers vs Bruins...Bears have thicker skin, can crush the panthers if they're big enough
                                    Flyers vs Lobos...the Flyers have had air on their side up until now, but Lobos are also a little maniacal, so they jump on the wings of the planes, and well, Lobos win
East Sweet Sixteen:  Tigers vs Spartans...THIS IS SPARTA!!!
                                 Cyclones vs Wildcats...yes, even poor wildcats lose to the weather...
West Sweet Sixteen:  Wildcats (Weber St.) vs Sooners...The wildcats sneak up and surround the sooners at night
                                   Bears vs Cougars...Bears are stronger, can crush the cougars
Midwest Sweet Sixteen:  Wildcats (Kansas State) vs Wolfpack...yup, clearly bias.  EMAW!
                                         Bears vs Wolverines...obviously I think a great deal of bears' strength.  Bears will crush the smaller wolverines
South Elite Eight:  Bruins vs Lobos...Wait, what?!  A bear team has been taken down!  By those crazy Lobos...
East Elite Eight:  Spartans vs Cyclones...THIS IS...wait, the Spartans don't have basements!  Cyclones swoop up the Spartans.
West Elite Eight:  Wildcats (Weber St.) vs Bears...Wildcats...I just can't help it...
Midwest Elite Eight:  Wildcats (Kansas State) vs Bears...Wildcats...EMAW!
Final Four:  Lobos vs Cyclones...Cyclones swoop up the crazy lobos
                    Wildcats (Weber St.) vs Wildcats (Kansas St.)...K-State, all the way!
Championship game:  Cyclones vs Wildcats (Kansas St.)...Willie is too quick for that cyclone ;-)  He's used to the Kansas weather.
                                          

                            

Luke 11: 29-32: Daily Gospel XXII

"This generation is an evil generation; it seeks a sign, but no sign will be given it..."

It's so interesting to me that that was considered an evil generation.  It really makes me wonder how He would have called out this generation.

This generation doesn't seek a sign.  It doesn't even think it needs a sign.  It wants nothing to do with the works of God.

Makes the evil generation seeking a sign sound pretty good.

My first novena of Lent has been the St. Therese novena.  It has had it's spiritual fruits, such as helping me focus on being simpler and not grasping for pleasures in the forms of taking too long to read the newspaper and eat breakfast in the mornings, and thereby not running out the house to get to work on time, and not wasting as much time in general.  But it's also been hard, because I know a traditional part of the novena is to pray for an answer to prayer in the form of a rose.  This part is always a struggle with me.  Is it testing God, or being silly and superstitious to look for such a sign?  Or by not asking for a sign in the midst of prayer, am I not trusting in God's ability to work wonders, or worse, am I not open to the answer He might give me?  If it's the answer I don't want, would I still follow through with my own will?

I've prayed the novena twice before, both times in relation to vocation discernment and both times with freaky. crazy. insane. rose stories.  Like, really, my vocation path today is living proof of the power of the novena.  

The thing with the times in the past is that both times, the roses were surprises.  Was I hoping for them? Sure.  Was I really expecting them?  Not really.  Both times it was God "wooing" me...catching me by surprise with His frankness and truthfulness in answering my prayers.  I think this novena is really good, above all, at testing the heart of a person.  What is really your intention, and if the answer is something against your will, will you really follow where God may lead?

Let us hope for signs, but let us be taken aback by them also.  Let us pray for miracles, but let us abide by God's will and revel in the ordinary also.

My one caveat with engagement, and other ramblings

I really like knowing I'm going to be married in less than three months.  I'm really glad that there IS an end to the little details of wedding planning that won't matter the very next day.  I'm grateful for everything we've completed so far and that we're in the "home stretch" of engagement.

But I have to admit, I have a small annoyance to share with you.

Engagement time has been a paradox for me.  My freshman year of college a friend introduced me to "Uniformity with God's Will" by Saint Alphonsus Ligouri.  The gist of the book is acceptance.  The person in uniformity with God's will doesn't pray for good times, or even pray for hardships to suffer...they simply accept what is sent their way.  Praying for God's will over all else.  Engagement has been a struggle in this respect.  I understand it's a temporary phase, and that it will have an end, but so many people imply that I should be so uberly fantastically out of this world excited for this to end.  But it feels so wrong to pray for it to end.  I'm supposed to be trying to live in the now.  The now is not married life yet, the now is engaged single life, and I should be trying to embrace it...yet there's this pull from the world, and well-meaning fellow Christians, that suggest I should be just so ready to be on the other side of it.  What keeps popping to my mind is, "Everything is grace."  Marriage will be graced.  But engagement is graced too.  One of my favorite books I read my freshman year of college was Sacred Singleness by Leslie Ludy.  She encouraged women to live now, in the single state of their lives, because God is forming them now...formation does not start in marriage.  It has to start here.  As excited as I am for marriage, I am in a completely beautiful part of my life.  I don't want to be in it forever, but I also don't want to rush it.  I just want to live it completely.

Now, don't get me wrong, the Church is so much better than the world in preparing me for the next step...marriage, what it entails, the struggles and beauty that will come along with it.  I just am not sure how much I'm being ministered to here and now, so much as I'm being ministered to for a future event.  I feel pulled, even a bit by my Church, to try to live in the now:  "Do not worry about tomorrow; tomorrow will take care of itself. Sufficient for a day is its own evil" (Mt 6:34).  Yet everything it's directing me toward in engagement is for a future date...and that CERTAINLY brings a lot of worry and planning and...unknown.  I just wish there was a bit more ministry in marriage prep on how to take advantage of this time in engagement. 

On to a lighter note, and speaking of weddings,  I'm actually basically on schedule with everything.  The past 2-3 months there's always been something I'm running late on according to the checklist I've been using, but I'm all caught up (as long as I stay on top of invites (I promise, hon, if you're reading, I really am going to get those started on-line tomorrow)).  It's weird.  And nice. 

School is taking a new turn for me.  We've begun the final phase of the bioethics portion, which is a series of case studies in which we point out the ethical issues/conflicts that are apparent in each case.  So everything we've learned so far is being applied now, which for me is scary and awesome.  I don't know if you remember from my description from the conference back in September, but it was all medical professionals and hospital administrators who were already super knowledgeable and accustomed to hard cases like these.  I'm just hoping I'm giving all the information they expect.  I also turned in my outline and thesis (that I really hope works out!) for our 15-20 page paper due in July (yeah, I'm getting married and writing one of the largest papers I've ever written at the same time...that should be fun...).  AND, today I booked my flight to Philadelphia for this semester's conference at the beginning of May.  We'll be reviewing all the information from this course, asking questions, breaking into small groups as hypothetical ethical committees to review case studies, and doing individual 10 minute presentations in front of the NCBC panel (have I mentioned I'm wedding planning and doing this all at once?...). 

Other than that, life is work and seeing friends occasionally, teaching PSR and working out at the Y (Still!  I know, right?!  Crazy.  My goal is getting over 4 mph by the wedding.  I'm hovering around 3.8-3.9 on the machines right now, so I'm nearly there.  To be truthful...I'm scared of getting up to an actual jogging pace because I feel off balance when I let go of the bars of the treadmill.  Silly, right? I just don't like the track as much, I don't feel like I keep up my pace as well.  I'll figure something out.).  For Valentine's Day/Sts. Cyril & Methodius' feast day, Matt came home and we went on a wonderful date night that Saturday.  The next weekend I got to see several TEC friends and took a house warming (rather, apartment warming) bottle of wine and chocolate to a friend's new place.  This week was a little rough, and so a friend made me a strong margarita and we watched the new version of Emma together, while another friend and I went to Mass and grabbed coffee before winter reminded us that it's still winter and moved in with a snow storm. 

I'm getting excited for Lent to start.  I've been so. ready. for it. I am glad it's late, though, in that Easter will most probably be nice weather. I think my parents were pretty wise in our early years of having us not only give up something, but also do extra.  It's stuck with me.  This year my sacrifice is going to be a bit more general than specific, but basically simplifying my morning and evening routines...not wasting as much time, focusing on important tasks, etc.  For prayer, I'm doing something I know a few friends in college did together, which is basically a Lent of novenas.  The length of Lent works out well so that if you do 5 consecutive novenas, it takes you right up to Good Friday.  I'm excited to learn the power of prayer through doing that.

Blessings to you as we step forward into our Lenten season!