John 11:19-27: Daily Gospel XX

Lord if you had been here...

Oh, how OFTEN I feel the same sentiments in my daily life, especially with such heavy decisions lately.  While at first this can sound hasty, or presumptuous, maybe even like testing God, I think it also shows much faith on Martha's part.  She knows that of which Jesus is capable.  She's been there for His miracles, has traveled as a disciple with the other women who followed Him.  She has no doubt of His friendship. 

Then He goes on to explain that He is the resurrection and the life.  What was a situation concerning Lazarus suddenly gets flipped on her, and she is the one experiencing resurrection.  This is not just a body-rising-at-death event, but a daily offering of our souls and lives.  While Martha's sadness is appropriate in the situation, Jesus has challenged her to transcend that sadness into faith.

Sadness so often becomes our stopping point, and if there's ever hope expressed, even that can seem pessimistic ("I know things will get better eventually.")  Hope is now.  We can't put off hope when Jesus is in our midst.  True, if He had been there, the story might have gone quite differently.  But He is here now.  Make the most of His Presence.

Life since the decision

I said no to Franciscan.

There was much prayer, weighing options, and tears and tears and tears (and still plenty of tears, three days later) over it.  And to tell the truth, it's still hard to tell if it was the right option.  It'll feel better once I'm all signed up for this other course.

I have had some people who have come to the rescue this week.  I haven't had a ton of one-on-ones since coming home this summer, but this week I've had four wonderful heart-to-hearts, two on the phone and two in person, not to mention my mom who senses when I need a good cry.  I've been blessed with amazing women who hold me up to a higher standard in my search for peace and joy in this decision.

And now I think I'm done in the school dilemma saga, at least for now.  Back to regular programming.  I came across this article lately, and found it interesting in light of our own diocese now being without a bishop:

Concerns Rising Over Slow Appointment of Bishops

My Day Today...

So far I've called the Pope John Paul II Institute to turn down the scholarship there (they are so gracious and are holding the money for a few weeks in case I change my mind).

Now I really need to make a decision and either accept Franciscan's offer or try for a program through the National Catholic Bioethics Center.

And the decision needs to happen today.

I know I've been praying so hard on this, to make the right decision, but if you happen to read this today, please pray for me as well.  I really don't want to mess up on this.  It probably sounds silly in the grand scheme of things...other people have so many more complex, harder issues to deal with, but all I've been praying on all week is this decision which will impact the next 1-2 years of my life.  But at the same time, it is so big to me.  And even though I asked Franciscan for the weekend to think on it, I still keep going back and forth.  I think the thing is that either option is good and neither one is particularly bad.  Each comes with it's own perks and downfalls (I made a list of pros and cons for each in Adoration on Friday).

In the long run, I know bioethics is what I want to study.  And it's going to happen somehow, someway.  The hard part is the possibility of turning down a (reallllly) good scholarship. 

This prayer popped up on Facebook the other day, not too long after I got the news of the scholarship from Franciscan.  It's a good one.  With all my focus on this one thought, I've been praying a lot but finding my ability to engage in life and helpful devotions hindered.  So this is relevant:

Courtesy of Ignatius Press

Another rant about life

I *really* wanted another option to weigh concerning life after graduation... (I say that with the kindest sarcastic voice I can muster).

Today I got a call that I've been selected as one of two to have my tuition at Franciscan cut in half.

Trust me, I'm humbled by this.  Honored.  Stoked.

But frustrated!  Suddenly I have another option...besides hoping for magical scholarships for Catholic U. and for getting a full time job if school didn't work out, I have another school with an awesome scholarship that, once again, I just don't know if I can swing living expenses...

Dagnabbit.

It stinks to want an education so darn badly! 

Sorry, you didn't ask to be ranted to about life, but you got it!