Cons AND pros... not just the cons ;-)

I felt like I should even the feedback I'm giving as I continue to document this process.

Pro: I really am more aware when I am craving, and am coming to enjoy the withholding, even when tired, moody, etc. I don't have to be under food's control and I'm learning that, yay!

Con: the worst part really does have to be these snack supplements. I was given the double chocolate bar, the hot chocolate and a strawberry kiwi drink mix to start things off. The bar tastes like you would expect a diet bar to taste like... chalky, bland. The hot chocolate I complained about yesterday, but it's sweetener also tasted weird. Today I went for the strawberry kiwi, hoping it would redeem the snack part of things for me, and I was sorely disappointed. It was so effervescent. It was flavored alka-seltzer to me, and I've always struggled with plain Alka Seltzer... flavored doesn't improve anything. I did dilute it with more water, which helped a bit. I really don't like how they expect you to have three of the above a day. Why can't it just be "use these IF you feel like you're going to snack"?

Pro: I am proud of my food prep so far. They have strict limitations on what can be mixed, and you can season things pretty liberally, as long as the salt content is low (you are given a salt expectation, given that water intake is upped to 80oz a day). I made a decent steak bits meal a couple of nights. The second night I tenderized it and put BBQ on Matt's, he said that improved it further. I grilled some chicken last night, which stayed more moist than when I pan-sear. In the midst of this full time job thing, I really had just given up. I had no energy to stand in front of a stove at the end of a long day and prepare a meal. I still don't think I'll get into ingredient- heavy meals as long as I am working full time, but this is proving to me that some simple meals are worth the effort.

Con: while I am using this blog to talk about this experience so far, I do not look forward to get togethers coming up where I will have to pick and choose specific dishes that meet the program requirements or not eat at all if nothing works.
However, this thought today did lead to a question I have which I'll be posing to the people with the program today: I really only want to lose 5-10 pounds with this program; my main goal remains to simply come to a better appreciation of food and to be ready and able to support Matt. When I get to that limit, I don't want to lose more, as I also don't want to weigh less than I should or create a bad habit for myself in the sense of not being happy with my body. I wonder if, when I reach my goal and it's earlier than the four week mark, if my plan will be modified, or if they'll just discontinue my plan earlier than expected?

Pro: I'll end on a pro to keep things upbeat. I *am* feeling better today. I still get hungry. I also need to work on my days off schedule. I tend to sleep in more, or at least get rolling with my day later, which threw off the food eating schedule a bit. I'm really eating more than I was before, but obviously better food choices. All in all, even though it's only a couple days in, I think the changes (minus dreaded packaged snacks) will be something I can continue with.

The whining continues

Hope y'all don't mind if I use this space as a little update place for me while changing food habits around here continues, cause today. was. rough. It started off with a nice morning of unsettled tummy, which super worried me due to, as alluded to in the last post, a not so nice tummy bug over Thanksgiving that swept through my in-laws like the plague, only to skip me. "Great," I thought, "the sickness is just now catching up with me." Except that the nausea was interlaced with a plain grumbly stomach.

Yeah, it didn't occur to me that 3-4 days into a diet/eating healthy foods and completely eliminating sugars and dairy from my diet (minus the starches and the 3x a week cottage cheese I'm allowed), my body would revolt. Yup. Wasn't exactly prepared for that. I called into work and spent the morning fighting headache, weird stomach, and plain fatigue.

It's good and a reminder of how pathetic my food choices have been if my body is revolting this much. In my Google search of "sick on day 4 of diet???", I did also read that how long your body revolts after a major diet change can also be affected by other considerations, including stress. I assume the more stressful your life is at the time, the longer your body may feel yuck. This too shall pass.

And can I just say, and continue to say, how awful tasting and stupid and aggggh aggravating protein drinks are?!?! For real people, even if you disguise it as hot chocolate, that stuff is the worst contribution of the corporate diet world. Make your food scientists work harder to disguise that chalky monstrosity!

I'm done :-)

Tackling food

Food and I have not had a good relationship in quite a long time. Some other factors have exacerbated it, but recently (past 6months) I have both ran from food (minimal meal planning, convenient food, not eating breakfast and often skipping lunch) while at the same time turning to it in the midst of stress (convenient food, sweets and carbs). It hasn't been pretty.

My energy is low, I don't feel healthy despite being at a "good" bmi. I know I don't need to lose weight, but I do need to gain control. And so, to do that and to be ready to support Matt in whatever program he ends up choosing as well, I got signed up for a program with slim4life.

I'm not excited. I'm on day two of "preparation." Day 1 did not go as it should have, as we were battling sicknesses and traveling back home from the holidays. I had no mental time to prepare myself. So today has been my pity party. There's no real recipes. You get a fruit for breakfast, a fruit for midday, a lunch of a meat, veggie, and starch, same for dinner. They throw in their own snacks and packaged drinks, which I also don't love... it's their money maker. I'll deal with it.

So I've had my good cry. Now I'm going to muddle through the next 4weeks. Praise God I'm starting when I am and will be able to partake in Christmas goodies. I guess this will be a built-in Advent penance. I hadn't thought of it that way until typing it out. But really, it's true that food has become both hindrance, fear, and idol. It both needs to be raised to a higher level of art and nutrition and lowered from being my coping mechanism.

Already yesterday, I could tell the times when I was yearning for warm, carby/sweet food. Early in the morning as a pick-me-up. Driving for three hours as a distraction. Arriving back as a reward and for "warmth." At the end of the day when I was tired and I wanted "comfort."

I do not intend to return to my old habits at the end of this. Yes, after 4 weeks I will once again partake in carbs and sweets. I will find balance. I will plan out better, balanced meals. I will try better ingredients. I do not want to go vegan, Paleo, whole 30, Atkins, or anything else. I simply want to be Eucharistic. Recognize the goodness of food, but keep it in its place. It is not something to run to or from. It is nourishment and gift.

Pray for me in this endeavor, maybe, pretty please?

Another Seven Quick Takes

1. I need to get landlord to seal/fix the fridge. It already hasn't been sealing well, but now it's not shutting well. At least it's not really *mine* to have to fix¯\_(ツ)_/¯

2. Mouse number 3 just tried to make it's home in the piano, which I nixed REAL quickly. Currently it is barricaded behind the fridge with several sticky pads and a double mouse trap, gifted to me by the man who does the pest control for my work-parish. I'm hoping it takes the bait soon.

3. Headaches on my days off are obnoxious. I get a couple days a week to finally relax, I do not want to spend it trying to get rid of a migraine.

4.  In my ongoing project to clear out duplicate music files, I listened to my Hilary Duff music from the mid 2000s. A) I'm glad that was the extent of my moody/pop/preteen music craze because B) eesh, I thought it was soooo expressive and angsty. But it definitely wasn't...just slightly obnoxious. Although, I will never turn down a suggestion from anybody to watch the Lizzie McGuire Movie, because, come on. It's just too good to pass up. It is fun to be able to tell people she was my first concert (although I did go to Jim Brickman before her, but I still think of her as my first in terms of arena setting, light show, etc. type of concert).

5. Speaking of throw-backs, in one of those wonderful "remember these foods from the 90s and 00s" clickbait articles, I WAS reminded of Oreo Os and now would love to have some again. If crispy M&Ms can return, I'm hopeful. Also, does nobody else remember loving these gems (picture below)? I was explaining to Matt how my brother and I would get them all the time when we'd have dinner and card game nights at my grandparents:

6.  We didn't get around to watching a scary movie on Halloween, so we watched one the next evening instead. We watched The Watcher. I'll summarize so you don't have to ever see it (you're welcome). Couple moves into home. Wife is terrorized by visions, not sleeping well, mysterious notes, losing hair, etc. Basically has gone bats. Husband experiences it to a much lesser degree. Upon investigating, discovers that mystery neighbor lady has been lacing cookies and cupcakes with POISON and that's where all the creepy stuff in the movie has been coming from. She's also been poisoning her own son. They stop her. They think they've succeeded and have done a good thing. Turns out at the end that the SON HAS BEEN IN ON IT TOO and now he's under their care and the movie ENDS with you knowing and not knowing at the same time that the couple is still in danger and the newly adopted son may attack them at any time and we'll never know! I told Matt after the movie that I needed to watch something happy before going to bed. His version of happy is Stargate. Le sigh.

7. (I have made it through to #7 without a post about work and gosh darn it I am going to succeed...)

 (10 minutes of brainstorming later)

(I really need to get a life...)

I have no life...