I just started about 3 different small, but significant, wedding projects tonight. May I just say that I'm so excited to start compiling addresses...this is future Christmas card list material right here, folks. And they don't even know it! Muah-ha-ha. But really, this is significant for me to get this much done in an evening. I've been stalled for about three weeks on planning...most evenings after getting home I just crash and burn.
Advent and Christmas have been wonderful here. I was excited to keep up with the Jesse tree readings for Advent, and my brother came home the weekend of the third Sunday of Advent, so it's been nice to have him home. For Christmas my favorite gifts by far are: a beautiful cedar chest to use as a memory box at the foot of my bed...rather than a falling apart old computer box. Seriously, it's the box for the monitor of our first ever computer. It's seen better days; the Catholicism series DVDs (Thanks honey! Super excited!); and books...Candide, Sense and Sensibility, and Persuasion. I may need to hibernate till I finish all this reading. I'm still in the middle of The Cloister and the Hearth, and have a book on Fr. Kapaun and a few other reads still on the to-read list...gotta keep plugging away!
Otherwise, life has consisted mostly of work. It amazes me sometimes what a low level of energy I have in the evenings. If I could work up the energy to spend my evenings playing piano, working on genealogy, knocking out wedding projects, and overall balancing my life in a healthy, fruitful way, I would. And I guess I know I could. But, my goodness, I just collapse in a puddle of I'm-so-done at the end of the day. I'm already sensing that Lent is going to be a prime time to work on this whole balance thing. For Advent I worked on getting out of bed right when my alarm goes off rather than stalling, which was very beneficial, especially this time of year with questionable road conditions. The earlier ready, the better to make it to work on time without rushing and leaving a mess in the wake of fixing a lunch and packing work-out clothes and putting myself together.
Friday, December 27, 2013
Thursday, December 19, 2013
Saint Anastasius I
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| From: www.crossroadsinitiative.com |
1. He was the Pope from 399-401.
2. He was one of the first to combat Origen's teachings as Origen became unorthodox.
3. He also encouraged the Church in Africa to battle Donatism (rigorous schismatics who believed Christians were no longer true Christians if they had handed over the Scriptures to avoid persecution/death).
Monday, December 2, 2013
A Christian Response to Depression
We recently celebrated the wonderful holiday of Thanksgiving. In the secular sense, we give thanks for our bounty, for family and friends. In the liturgical sense, since the Greek word for "giving thanks" is "eucharisteo", we remember that in the Sacrament of the Eucharist, we give thanks for God's blessings and for the sacrifice of His Beloved Son.
It's a beautiful holiday. But what about those who find it hard to be thankful? What about those who can't find their way out of the darkness into the light?
Today I went to see a new movie, "Frozen", in the theatre with my mom. From the trailer, I thought it was going to be a movie about a snowman, which is the main reason we went. My mom collects snowmen. At the peak of our Christmas decorating some years back, I counted all the snowmen in our house. There were close to 90. Snowmen throw blankets, snowmen statues, snowmen candle holders, ornaments, you name it. Needless to say, this movie was going to be right up my mom's alley.
It was actually about two young royal women who lost their parents at an early age. The older princess then became queen. She also had a dark secret of having magic, and was told she could not share this secret with anyone else. She withdrew within herself and could not share her burden with anybody, even her dear sister. It finally came to a point she could not control her magic, and she accidentally cast a deep winter over her kingdom. She unleashed the storm building up inside of her onto everyone else, and couldn't find a way to make it stop. Finally she discovered that only love could conquer her icy heart.
All that time, people misunderstood her. Her parents hid her and forced her to contain her secret, to avoid feeling the way she felt. Once her secret was revealed, her own country abandoned her and found her treasonous. Only her younger sister remained faithful, even when the queen shunned her. The princess refused to believe the queen was lost to her, and continually sought her trust and confidence.
What a beautiful portrayal of the Christian response to depression. We all have low moments, but many of us who do not have severe, diagnosed depression or other mental health issues can find it hard to relate to those who do. We just don't understand when they can't come out of their shell and break free of whatever is bothering them. We are confused that often they don't have a specific reason for feeling down. The dignity of the human person is imprinted onto the human soul, made in the image and likeness of God. A person does not become less human when they do not feel worthy. Just because a person doesn't recognize their own goodness doesn't mean they aren't good. In times when dignity is unrecognizable to a person, the Christian response is to love. It is to remind that person they are wanted, to remind others that the person is wanted, to build an environment of support and tender care around that person. As despair looms, a certain spiritual battle is waging in which others may need to step in to fight for that person when they are at their lowest. In other words, the Christian response also involves community. Nobody must feel that they must fight alone. Our trials affect everyone around us.
A prevailing mindset today is that no one wants to be a burden. Physician-assisted suicide is gaining momentum because patients don't want to overload their families. In so many of these cases, there is an underlying depression that is not being addressed. What we must remember is that it is ok to be a burden. It is a blessing to let another share in pain. People are made to feel that they are being selfish by sharing their heartache with another. It is satan himself who would like us to be isolated from the Body of Christ. We must not allow that to happen.
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.
By Saint Ignatius of Loyola
(On an off-topic note, Idina Menzel was the voice of the older sister. I love Idina Menzel. I was one happy camper. Eerily similar to her role in Wicked...strong powers, misunderstood, starts to use them for dark purposes...)
It's a beautiful holiday. But what about those who find it hard to be thankful? What about those who can't find their way out of the darkness into the light?
Today I went to see a new movie, "Frozen", in the theatre with my mom. From the trailer, I thought it was going to be a movie about a snowman, which is the main reason we went. My mom collects snowmen. At the peak of our Christmas decorating some years back, I counted all the snowmen in our house. There were close to 90. Snowmen throw blankets, snowmen statues, snowmen candle holders, ornaments, you name it. Needless to say, this movie was going to be right up my mom's alley.
It was actually about two young royal women who lost their parents at an early age. The older princess then became queen. She also had a dark secret of having magic, and was told she could not share this secret with anyone else. She withdrew within herself and could not share her burden with anybody, even her dear sister. It finally came to a point she could not control her magic, and she accidentally cast a deep winter over her kingdom. She unleashed the storm building up inside of her onto everyone else, and couldn't find a way to make it stop. Finally she discovered that only love could conquer her icy heart.
All that time, people misunderstood her. Her parents hid her and forced her to contain her secret, to avoid feeling the way she felt. Once her secret was revealed, her own country abandoned her and found her treasonous. Only her younger sister remained faithful, even when the queen shunned her. The princess refused to believe the queen was lost to her, and continually sought her trust and confidence.
What a beautiful portrayal of the Christian response to depression. We all have low moments, but many of us who do not have severe, diagnosed depression or other mental health issues can find it hard to relate to those who do. We just don't understand when they can't come out of their shell and break free of whatever is bothering them. We are confused that often they don't have a specific reason for feeling down. The dignity of the human person is imprinted onto the human soul, made in the image and likeness of God. A person does not become less human when they do not feel worthy. Just because a person doesn't recognize their own goodness doesn't mean they aren't good. In times when dignity is unrecognizable to a person, the Christian response is to love. It is to remind that person they are wanted, to remind others that the person is wanted, to build an environment of support and tender care around that person. As despair looms, a certain spiritual battle is waging in which others may need to step in to fight for that person when they are at their lowest. In other words, the Christian response also involves community. Nobody must feel that they must fight alone. Our trials affect everyone around us.
A prevailing mindset today is that no one wants to be a burden. Physician-assisted suicide is gaining momentum because patients don't want to overload their families. In so many of these cases, there is an underlying depression that is not being addressed. What we must remember is that it is ok to be a burden. It is a blessing to let another share in pain. People are made to feel that they are being selfish by sharing their heartache with another. It is satan himself who would like us to be isolated from the Body of Christ. We must not allow that to happen.
O Christ Jesus,
when all is darkness
and we feel our weakness and helplessness,
give us the sense of Your presence,
Your love, and Your strength.
Help us to have perfect trust
in Your protecting love
and strengthening power,
so that nothing may frighten or worry us,
for, living close to You,
we shall see Your hand,
Your purpose, Your will through all things.
By Saint Ignatius of Loyola
(On an off-topic note, Idina Menzel was the voice of the older sister. I love Idina Menzel. I was one happy camper. Eerily similar to her role in Wicked...strong powers, misunderstood, starts to use them for dark purposes...)
Sunday, November 24, 2013
Christ the King: Quote of the Day XXXIV
If we let Christ reign in our soul, we will not become authoritarian.
Rather we will serve everyone. How I like that word: service! To serve
my king and, through him, all those who have been redeemed by his blood.
I really wish we Christians knew how to serve, for only by serving can
we know and love Christ and make him known and loved.
Christ is Passing By, 182
Christ is Passing By, 182
St. Josemaria Escriva
Found on: http://www.josemariaescriva.info/article/the-feast-of-christ-the-king
Saturday, November 16, 2013
The Feels
These days, I get home and I just sit. I sit and realize how much I get hung up on the little irritating things that happened throughout the day. I didn't get invited somewhere...even if I know I wouldn't have been able to make it, I wasn't invited. Some small, yet easily fixable, mistake happened at work...but even though it was a quick fix, it still was a mistake. I didn't pray enough at work. I got home today, and my mom, bless her heart, tried to clean up my room since I'd been on the go all week and hadn't gotten to it...and in the process, I have a stack of papers that don't go together and clothes put into wrong drawers because order matters, people (in my defense, she reorganizes the dish washer when I try to help load it).
Why do I get so hung up on the little things?
One time a good friend found me upset in our school chapel before I went into a mock interview. She lovingly sat with me, let me cry out my nervousness, and laughingly told me, "I just don't have as many feels as you."
I stayed up sleepless almost the entire night after the last presidential election because I was so distraught with the results. The first time I came home from college and my mom rearranged the furniture in my room, I cried as I wrote a long email to one of the Sisters at the IHMs about how I hated being so attached to little things in life. You wouldn't believe it, but I'm almost choking back tears as I think back on that last memory.
I feel a lot of things, and I feel them deeply. But God made my heart that way. And God gifts me with grace when I'm open to it, to grow through these habits, out of bad habits, and onto more fulfilling habits.
I also read a lot into how other people react to me and to situations. If my manager corrects one of my mistakes, I try to appear graceful and thankful for the correction on the outside, but my head looks more like "OH MY GOSH I'M THE WORST EMPLOYEE EVER OH MY GOSH I'M SORRY DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH ME OH MY GOSH SHE HATES ME PLEASE LET ME GO BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND HOW DID I EVER GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE WITH MISTAKES LIKE THIS?" Most of the misunderstandings that happen in my life are from assuming the other person is LIVID at me over some small tiff.
All of my favorite devotions and quotes from spiritual greats are those that challenge me the most in my faith life. I love Divine Mercy because I'm so BAD at it. So this quote pierces my heart and knocks me over again and again: "To be pleased at correction and reproofs shows that one loves the virtues which are contrary to those faults for which he is corrected and reproved. And, therefore, it is a great sign of advancement in perfection." -- St. Francis de Sales
Oh dear, how far I am from that. I really don't like being called out. Really don't like it. I'd rather do it first myself than somebody else. But that's exactly where I need to be more open. I need to let others see my mistakes, and correct me for them. I need to be reminded of my lowliness.
On a lighter note...
This is one of my favorite images right now at work...I've had a growing devotion to St. Joseph lately, and this image...it's lovely...
Why do I get so hung up on the little things?
One time a good friend found me upset in our school chapel before I went into a mock interview. She lovingly sat with me, let me cry out my nervousness, and laughingly told me, "I just don't have as many feels as you."
I stayed up sleepless almost the entire night after the last presidential election because I was so distraught with the results. The first time I came home from college and my mom rearranged the furniture in my room, I cried as I wrote a long email to one of the Sisters at the IHMs about how I hated being so attached to little things in life. You wouldn't believe it, but I'm almost choking back tears as I think back on that last memory.
I feel a lot of things, and I feel them deeply. But God made my heart that way. And God gifts me with grace when I'm open to it, to grow through these habits, out of bad habits, and onto more fulfilling habits.
I also read a lot into how other people react to me and to situations. If my manager corrects one of my mistakes, I try to appear graceful and thankful for the correction on the outside, but my head looks more like "OH MY GOSH I'M THE WORST EMPLOYEE EVER OH MY GOSH I'M SORRY DON'T WASTE YOUR TIME WITH ME OH MY GOSH SHE HATES ME PLEASE LET ME GO BURY MY HEAD IN THE SAND HOW DID I EVER GRADUATE FROM COLLEGE WITH MISTAKES LIKE THIS?" Most of the misunderstandings that happen in my life are from assuming the other person is LIVID at me over some small tiff.
All of my favorite devotions and quotes from spiritual greats are those that challenge me the most in my faith life. I love Divine Mercy because I'm so BAD at it. So this quote pierces my heart and knocks me over again and again: "To be pleased at correction and reproofs shows that one loves the virtues which are contrary to those faults for which he is corrected and reproved. And, therefore, it is a great sign of advancement in perfection." -- St. Francis de Sales
Oh dear, how far I am from that. I really don't like being called out. Really don't like it. I'd rather do it first myself than somebody else. But that's exactly where I need to be more open. I need to let others see my mistakes, and correct me for them. I need to be reminded of my lowliness.
On a lighter note...
This is one of my favorite images right now at work...I've had a growing devotion to St. Joseph lately, and this image...it's lovely...
 |
| I tried real hard to find the name of the artist, but am coming up short. |
Monday, November 11, 2013
Luke 17:1-6: Daily Gospel XXI
For reference, here's the link: USCCB link to daily readings
I think the first few lines really caught my attention: “Things that cause sin will inevitably occur, but woe to the one through whom they occur."
Not through which they occur, but through whom they occur. There can be occasions of sin, but that sin still comes through people, whether somebody encouraging the sin or the sinner. Things can be tempting, but sin originates in the hearts of mankind. Still, even though Jesus says it would be better for a millstone to be hung around the neck of the person causing sin, if they repent they are to be forgiven. Hey, wait, how can I forgive them if they're in the sea with a millstone? Hmm...
Also, after His discourse on forgiveness, the Apostles ask Him to increase their faith. It takes some serious faith, lots of loving, and LOTS of dying to self to forgive, especially when the other person has acted deliberately against you. You feel like you're the one missing out when you're doing the forgiving, like your opinion isn't being heard, and you don't matter in this situation.
We need faith in God and His abundant grace to be the rebuker and forgiver of our brethren. It hurts to point out wrong-doing, and it hurts almost more sometimes to let it go. It is the just person who will see clearly what is wrong, reveal it as such, and then give it up to God to handle.
I think the first few lines really caught my attention: “Things that cause sin will inevitably occur, but woe to the one through whom they occur."
Not through which they occur, but through whom they occur. There can be occasions of sin, but that sin still comes through people, whether somebody encouraging the sin or the sinner. Things can be tempting, but sin originates in the hearts of mankind. Still, even though Jesus says it would be better for a millstone to be hung around the neck of the person causing sin, if they repent they are to be forgiven. Hey, wait, how can I forgive them if they're in the sea with a millstone? Hmm...
Also, after His discourse on forgiveness, the Apostles ask Him to increase their faith. It takes some serious faith, lots of loving, and LOTS of dying to self to forgive, especially when the other person has acted deliberately against you. You feel like you're the one missing out when you're doing the forgiving, like your opinion isn't being heard, and you don't matter in this situation.
We need faith in God and His abundant grace to be the rebuker and forgiver of our brethren. It hurts to point out wrong-doing, and it hurts almost more sometimes to let it go. It is the just person who will see clearly what is wrong, reveal it as such, and then give it up to God to handle.
Sunday, November 3, 2013
Breathing fits in somewhere too...I just don't know where...
What have I been up to lately?
Work. Lots of work. Full-time job work.
Wedding planning. Inching closer to finalizing big decisions like cake, catering, and flowers. Save the dates will be coming up soon. We're at the half-way point of the engagement, basically. Where did the last 6 months go?!
Online homework. That I always end up doing Sunday night before it's due. Old habits die hard. But we're finally getting into meatier subjects concerning bioethics. Excitement.
I haven't had a doing-nothing weekend in more than 6 weeks. As much as I understand that everyone has to put their events on weekends, why is it every weekend in a row? I've been invited to a baptism next weekend, but honestly, I love them to death, but I may finally have to crave to my introvert ways and STOP ALL ACTIVITY for two days. That's all I'm asking for. Two days of no plans.
I'm exercising. This must sound completely silly, but for me, it's a big deal. Every Tuesday and Thursday I'm at the Y for an hour after work on the treadmill. I've never been on a treadmill except for physical therapy for my knee, and now I'm making a habit of it. Since I've been doing it for about a month, it's finally morphing from "Ugh, I gotta go or else I'll kick myself for it and fall out of the habit," to: "I can't wait to lose all the stress from work on the treadmill and walk it off..." Now, the Y is definitely NOT made for introverts. I'm tempted to find a smaller gym, but I have a pass through my dad's work, so I'm not paying membership... So for now I put in my iPod, focus in on Wheel of Fortune, and try to pretend no one else is around.
Teaching religion class with my dad. Juniors in high school. My dad and I have polar opposite teaching approaches. He hardly prepares, but since he's been covering apologetics for the past few years, he can improvise with personal stories and be totally relatable, and completely fill the whole hour without it feeling like it's a whole hour. I can prep for two days in advance, but I'm such a to-the-point, why-don't-you-already-know-this, it's-all-in-my-head-and-I-don't-know-how-to-communicate-it person that even if I try to supplement lessons with extra facts, history, and reading excerpts, I still have trouble stretching a class to even 45 minutes, at which point Dad catches on that I'm running out of material and jumps in with personal stories. For example...Dad covered the Eucharist, which only covers 3 pages in the book, yet he easily took up the first 3 classes with the material. It's also one of his favorite topics to cover...John 6 is his favorite chapter in all the Bible. I had the Canon of the Bible and "Sola Scriptura" and struggled to stretch it into 2 classes, even though I told cool stories about the Jewish history of the Old Testament, and the gnostic Gospels, and the Dead Sea Scrolls...I LOVE all the history, I just can't keep talking on and on! Dad is covering St. Peter right now, who is seriously his favorite saint EVER. The man can talk about St. Peter easily for 3 classes. And I get to cover Mary to wrap up the semester... When we realized what we were each covering, we couldn't help but savor the perfectness of it...we're each covering our favorite theological topics. I just wish I was a better teacher. I realize that there are whole classes over single topics like these, but I struggle to fill two classes with material. I'm just no teacher at all.
Anywho, that's life. Now, back to that homework I've been procrastinating on... (don't worry, I just have to do some citing!)
Work. Lots of work. Full-time job work.
Wedding planning. Inching closer to finalizing big decisions like cake, catering, and flowers. Save the dates will be coming up soon. We're at the half-way point of the engagement, basically. Where did the last 6 months go?!
Online homework. That I always end up doing Sunday night before it's due. Old habits die hard. But we're finally getting into meatier subjects concerning bioethics. Excitement.
I haven't had a doing-nothing weekend in more than 6 weeks. As much as I understand that everyone has to put their events on weekends, why is it every weekend in a row? I've been invited to a baptism next weekend, but honestly, I love them to death, but I may finally have to crave to my introvert ways and STOP ALL ACTIVITY for two days. That's all I'm asking for. Two days of no plans.
I'm exercising. This must sound completely silly, but for me, it's a big deal. Every Tuesday and Thursday I'm at the Y for an hour after work on the treadmill. I've never been on a treadmill except for physical therapy for my knee, and now I'm making a habit of it. Since I've been doing it for about a month, it's finally morphing from "Ugh, I gotta go or else I'll kick myself for it and fall out of the habit," to: "I can't wait to lose all the stress from work on the treadmill and walk it off..." Now, the Y is definitely NOT made for introverts. I'm tempted to find a smaller gym, but I have a pass through my dad's work, so I'm not paying membership... So for now I put in my iPod, focus in on Wheel of Fortune, and try to pretend no one else is around.
Teaching religion class with my dad. Juniors in high school. My dad and I have polar opposite teaching approaches. He hardly prepares, but since he's been covering apologetics for the past few years, he can improvise with personal stories and be totally relatable, and completely fill the whole hour without it feeling like it's a whole hour. I can prep for two days in advance, but I'm such a to-the-point, why-don't-you-already-know-this, it's-all-in-my-head-and-I-don't-know-how-to-communicate-it person that even if I try to supplement lessons with extra facts, history, and reading excerpts, I still have trouble stretching a class to even 45 minutes, at which point Dad catches on that I'm running out of material and jumps in with personal stories. For example...Dad covered the Eucharist, which only covers 3 pages in the book, yet he easily took up the first 3 classes with the material. It's also one of his favorite topics to cover...John 6 is his favorite chapter in all the Bible. I had the Canon of the Bible and "Sola Scriptura" and struggled to stretch it into 2 classes, even though I told cool stories about the Jewish history of the Old Testament, and the gnostic Gospels, and the Dead Sea Scrolls...I LOVE all the history, I just can't keep talking on and on! Dad is covering St. Peter right now, who is seriously his favorite saint EVER. The man can talk about St. Peter easily for 3 classes. And I get to cover Mary to wrap up the semester... When we realized what we were each covering, we couldn't help but savor the perfectness of it...we're each covering our favorite theological topics. I just wish I was a better teacher. I realize that there are whole classes over single topics like these, but I struggle to fill two classes with material. I'm just no teacher at all.
Anywho, that's life. Now, back to that homework I've been procrastinating on... (don't worry, I just have to do some citing!)
Friday, October 25, 2013
Even when I'm fallen: Song recommendation XXXII
This song is very close to my heart in my prayer life right now.
Thursday, October 17, 2013
Afterthoughts of TEC 138
Honestly, after a lack of sleep and so much happening since this past
Friday, a lot of the weekend is a blur now. I couldn't tell you the
order of the things we did even if I tried. I guess maybe possibly
there's some people reading this who might one day go on a TEC retreat,
so I won't give you tooooooo many details. But it was definitely one of
the hardest and most purifying weekends of my life.
I could see a lot of my personal defects getting in the way of being very present before the Sacrament and in serving the candidates. Wandering thoughts...asking TONS of questions about each task to get things right...interrupting stories by sharing my own thoughts. And as I began to realize this, I became super agitated. I just got so upset, because I wanted the weekend to be a focus on prayers for others, not getting over myself. It was frustrating.
But then came the Monday of the retreat, when we have a special time to build each other up. Since I had to work and leave the retreat early, they did this for me before I left. Once it started, I couldn't stop bawling. The theme of the entire time was that they all found peace around me, and virtue.
It was a real struggle and temptation to write it off...they weren't seeing it in me, they were seeing what they perceived to be me. As the day went on at work (complete with tired, blood-shot, tear stained eyes. For real, I looked like a mess), I reflected on how the Church doesn't teach depravity of the human person. Fallen, yes. Impossibly, hopelessly lost, no. Grace, yes. "Covered" by grace, no. Filled with grace, yes. If I was fallen this weekend, and yet others were built up in my presence, then it wasn't because Christ worked around me, but in some mysterious way Christ worked through me. If I was fallen, I was still in some way trying to say "yes" to being where Christ wanted me. In New Testament Greek, we learned that one Greek word for sin is "hamartia"..."missing the mark". In order to miss the mark, you had to at least be aiming and trying to hit the mark in the first place, and that is what God asks of us. God lets us go to learn to walk, to stumble, and wants us to get up to try again. We can't learn to walk without falling and figuring it out. Even though God knows we will fall, He's still right in front of us, guiding us...and His falls were burdened with the cross which we should be carrying.
There's a stanza from a currently popular Matt Maher song that reads: "Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more. Where grace is found is where You are. And where You are, Lord, I am free. Holiness is Christ in me." So so true. If we do not lose ourselves to our sins, and find hope in our trying instead, we discover grace making up for our deficiencies. Grace is God's life. God's life fills and sets free. Goodness comes from God. So while any goodness is God's work, I was at least an instrument. As Blessed Teresa of Calcutta observed,
I could see a lot of my personal defects getting in the way of being very present before the Sacrament and in serving the candidates. Wandering thoughts...asking TONS of questions about each task to get things right...interrupting stories by sharing my own thoughts. And as I began to realize this, I became super agitated. I just got so upset, because I wanted the weekend to be a focus on prayers for others, not getting over myself. It was frustrating.
But then came the Monday of the retreat, when we have a special time to build each other up. Since I had to work and leave the retreat early, they did this for me before I left. Once it started, I couldn't stop bawling. The theme of the entire time was that they all found peace around me, and virtue.
It was a real struggle and temptation to write it off...they weren't seeing it in me, they were seeing what they perceived to be me. As the day went on at work (complete with tired, blood-shot, tear stained eyes. For real, I looked like a mess), I reflected on how the Church doesn't teach depravity of the human person. Fallen, yes. Impossibly, hopelessly lost, no. Grace, yes. "Covered" by grace, no. Filled with grace, yes. If I was fallen this weekend, and yet others were built up in my presence, then it wasn't because Christ worked around me, but in some mysterious way Christ worked through me. If I was fallen, I was still in some way trying to say "yes" to being where Christ wanted me. In New Testament Greek, we learned that one Greek word for sin is "hamartia"..."missing the mark". In order to miss the mark, you had to at least be aiming and trying to hit the mark in the first place, and that is what God asks of us. God lets us go to learn to walk, to stumble, and wants us to get up to try again. We can't learn to walk without falling and figuring it out. Even though God knows we will fall, He's still right in front of us, guiding us...and His falls were burdened with the cross which we should be carrying.
There's a stanza from a currently popular Matt Maher song that reads: "Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more. Where grace is found is where You are. And where You are, Lord, I am free. Holiness is Christ in me." So so true. If we do not lose ourselves to our sins, and find hope in our trying instead, we discover grace making up for our deficiencies. Grace is God's life. God's life fills and sets free. Goodness comes from God. So while any goodness is God's work, I was at least an instrument. As Blessed Teresa of Calcutta observed,
"I'm a little pencil in the hand of a writing God, who is sending a love letter to the world."
Monday, October 7, 2013
TEC 138
This is dangerous, people. Dangerous. I should not be up this late, but I am. So I'll squeeze this in before I go to bed and before I have no more time this week.
First of all, Mary's awesome. I renewed my consecration with the intention of finding employment. I applied for a job on the last day of my reconsecration. The next day I was hired. It is such a blessing. I'm working at a Catholic art and gifts store. My first full time job!
I also have some crazy weekends coming up...next weekend I'll be working as Wheat Crew on a Teens Encounter Christ retreat, and the next weekend I'm traveling to Minnesota for a wedding. Oofta. I really think that this weekend's retreat is a good opportunity for me to be with God, close to His Heart, and thank Him for the blessings in my life and offer petitions of others. If you have anything you'd like me to offer up in prayer over the next week and in the course of the retreat, message me either here or privately. Being on Wheat Crew means I'll be in prayer and in Adoration...a lot. While the resource team give the talks and lead the candidates through the weekend, we pray the entire time. So if you could offer up prayers also for these candidates, that would be wonderful. Really and truly, thank you in advance for sending up some prayers. This week I'm going to be working, writing 50+ letters for the candidates/resource/fellow Wheat Crew, and being busy all around. Fun times. Pray for me too :-)
First of all, Mary's awesome. I renewed my consecration with the intention of finding employment. I applied for a job on the last day of my reconsecration. The next day I was hired. It is such a blessing. I'm working at a Catholic art and gifts store. My first full time job!
I also have some crazy weekends coming up...next weekend I'll be working as Wheat Crew on a Teens Encounter Christ retreat, and the next weekend I'm traveling to Minnesota for a wedding. Oofta. I really think that this weekend's retreat is a good opportunity for me to be with God, close to His Heart, and thank Him for the blessings in my life and offer petitions of others. If you have anything you'd like me to offer up in prayer over the next week and in the course of the retreat, message me either here or privately. Being on Wheat Crew means I'll be in prayer and in Adoration...a lot. While the resource team give the talks and lead the candidates through the weekend, we pray the entire time. So if you could offer up prayers also for these candidates, that would be wonderful. Really and truly, thank you in advance for sending up some prayers. This week I'm going to be working, writing 50+ letters for the candidates/resource/fellow Wheat Crew, and being busy all around. Fun times. Pray for me too :-)
Monday, September 30, 2013
NCBC: Pro-Life Feature VIII
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| originally found on www.123rf.com |
Since I'm still in recovery mode from my trip to my grad school seminar, it's appropriate I give props this week to the National Catholic Bioethics Center. They provide resources to the common person and to medical professionals. They especially work on consultations with family members and doctors of patients, as well as ensuring partnerships between Catholic and non-Catholic institutions uphold the mission of Catholic health care. Of special interest to some out there would be their quarterly journal, along with anything else in their bookstore.
Tuesday, September 24, 2013
Brotherly Love
Story time! This post is all about my trip to Philadelphia with my mom.
Wednesday: We left around noontime after my mom had worked for a few hours. This day we drove through Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, and made it into Indiana, where we spent the night at Terra Haute. Also, for this trip we borrowed my grandparents' TomTom. I had a love-hate relationship with this device. It was nice to have, but it's not like a printed map where you can see the next set of directions right away, and some of the directions were very unclear..."keep left" just meant stay on this road and don't take the exit...couldn't it just say that?? We also bought a couple books on CD. The book we listened to this day was kind of bland.
Thursday: We left bright and early around 7am, and drove through Indiana, Ohio, the sliver of West Virginia that comes up between Ohio and Pennsylvania, and then on through Pennsylvania. I have to have a brag moment with my car on this leg of the trip...we made it up to 38 mpg before the end of our trip to Philadelphia. I could've hugged it, I was so happy. Also, Pennsylvania is apparently very proud of their toll roads. More than $20 to drive through the state?? Holy bejeebers, people. And then we made it to Philadelphia after sunset. We had quite the traffic jam just getting into the city from the north, and we actually stayed on the New Jersey side of things. Driving through inner Philadelphia at night. Our nerves were fried.
Friday: Mom had driven through Philadelphia and her stomach and head were still hurting from her nervousness from driving in the city, so it was determined that, rather than coming with me and trying to find something to do all day in the city, I would go to the conference and she would hang out at the hotel and feel better. That means I drove back into Philadelphia on my own...oh dear! Considering my conference was at the archdiocese offices, I was going into the heart of the city. I left 30 minutes ahead of time so I'd have plenty of time to get my bearings and find parking. First of all, $5 toll to cross the bridges into the city...highway robbery if you ask me. It would've taken an hour to bypass the tolls, which would've been silly, so we bit the bullet and had me pay $5 a day to pass over the bridges...robbery, I tell you. Then I got downtown. I discovered too late that I had driven by the cathedral, so I decided to keep driving to find a parking garage, because I didn't notice the cathedral parking open for outsiders (employees there have a card to swipe to open the gate). I kept driving and finding parking garages too late...and you DON'T stop and slow down downtown traffic. Finally I'd had enough, I was about 15 blocks away from the offices, so I turned down a street and was going to turn around and make a loop back and try again for a parking garage I had missed. Lo and behold, there was a parking garage on that street. By that time I just wanted to be done, so I pulled in and let them take my car (that's scary, leaving your car for parking garage attendants to park on their own. I've never had so many moments of not feeling in control as I did on this trip).
I walked the 15 blocks and made it to my seminar. It was lovely. Talks on contraception, stem cell research, care at the end of life...and excellent speakers, as they are all ethicists at the National Catholic Bioethics Center. Oh my gracious. I was definitely out of my comfort zone...most of the attendees were doctors and nurses. Trained professionals in health care ministries. I became used to the question, "What is your ministry?" and answering, "Oh, well, I just graduated from college...still job searching..." But everyone was so kind and professional. I made friends with an older RN from California. She's originally from India, and is a descendant from the Catholic community set up by St. Thomas the Apostle. It was a nice experience to be in a graduate setting, making friends with people older than me. Perhaps it's just because I've been surrouneded by peers my age most all my life, but it's still a foreign concept that I can be friends and peers with people older than me. I mean, my new friend had children my age, yet here we were, sharing our life stories and finding lunch together. It really was wonderful.
After the conference, I made my way back to the hotel and my mom presented the option of ordering in pizza. Yes. Please. I was so glad we chilled together and took the rest of the night to watch the Food Channel.
Saturday: About the same story, except this time they left parking by the cathedral open for us, so I didn't have to walk so far in the morning. And this day, my brother came up from Virginia to spend the evening with us, as he had to be at Fort Meade the next day for some training. So after I was done with my conference, we made our way back into the city. Unfortunately the monuments were closed by mid-afternoon, so we had no chance to see them, so we decided to do another Philly tradition...hoagies. The Food Channel has had a presentation on two competitors, Pat's and Geno's, that are across the street from each other. What we didn't realize was that it was in the midst of a super-crowded neighborhood. For real, I don't know how people live like this. We drove down streets so narrow that we were forced onto sidewalks. My mom and I were both definitely hyperventilating. Luckily, we found parking just a couple blocks away and walked to the restaurants, and bought a hoagie from each place to do the comparison. Geno's uses thicker cuts of steak, whereas Pat's cuts it up finer. The decision was that we all liked Pat's better. After having ENOUGH of the packed streets and awful driving, we made it back to our hotel, grabbed snacks at the gas station near us, and watched a couple episodes of the BBC show Sherlock that my brother had on DVD. Also, it was around this day we learned that it is against the law to fill up your own car with gas in New Jersey (and Oregon). Mom about got in some trouble for doing so. You simply roll down your window and give them payment, and designated workers fill your car for you. Weird.
Sunday: On this morning we went to Mass at a parish near our hotel, ate some breakfast, and headed out our separate way from my brother. We planned to make it to Terra Haute around 9 that evening, so we could take our time getting home on Monday. The first part of the trip was uneventful. We put in our second book on CD once we were out of the city (it was much better and scarier than the first book), and the first part of the trip absolutely flew by. We made it through Pennsylvania and Ohio, and stopped for our second driving switch near Springfield, Ohio. When we were done and getting back on the highway, we heard a sound as if we had ran over some tire debris. About twelve miles later, our battery light came on and the engine was overheating. This is where the trip went wacky. We pulled off the road, called my dad, and poured some cold water that had been in our cooler of food. We determined that the serpentine belt was off and tore up. There would be no more driving till we could get it fixed. We called the roadside assistance number on my insurance card in the car, but they didn't have our policy info (really?? really??), but they contacted a tow service for us, and found an O'Reilly's store where we could get the part. Mom was coordinating with that person while I was relaying info to Dad and calling the O'Reilly's to make sure they'd have the belt ready and in stock. By 7:45 the tow truck was contacted and we were at the mercy of their speed in getting to us...the O'Reilly's was closing at 9pm. We prayed a rosary, and within 20 minutes the truck was there and getting our car loaded (thank you, Mama Mary!). We finally made it into Springfield, and the gentleman I had contacted at the store was going to assist us in putting it on, but it turned out the pulley of the alternator had snapped and broken, which led to the condition of the serpentine belt. We were sitting ducks. The kind gentleman at O'Reilly's drove us to a hotel (which gave us a discount considering our situation, which was extremely thoughtful). We'd begin again the next day.
Monday: I can't say this day started off terribly great. We didn't want to spend money on any kind of transport, and we were only a mile down the road from the O'Reilly's, so we took our luggage and walked...but then the wheel of the heaviest luggage broke, so we struggled for about 6 blocks dragging a one-wheeled suitcase. Finally we made it to the store, bought the alternator, and they arranged with a car repair service around the corner to have our car pushed by a small tractor so we wouldn't need a tow, and they started on installing everything. Another gentleman with O'Reilly's drove us to a coffee shop where we waited for an hour and a half. We finally had the car all ready about 11am...but as we were leaving the engine light came on, and we discovered the cruise control stick had been damaged, and would no longer work. Still don't know about that one. The engine light was actually nothing, and so we finally started on our way. The rest of the trip was pretty much uneventful. We ran over some tire shreds that got stuck under the car and had to remove those. It was difficult driving without the cruise. Let me tell you, I appreciate it so much more now. Especially when we were driving through the Flint Hills in the last 3 hours. It was from about 9 to midnight, and I just could not keep any kind of steady speed, as it was dark and I'd get nervous around curves, so I kept fluctuating between 65 and 75 mph. I've never been so happy to make it home, with it's broad streets, uncrowded-ness, and all around charm. And now I don't want to travel again for a very long time.
A couple of reflections from along the way:
Wednesday: We left around noontime after my mom had worked for a few hours. This day we drove through Kansas, Missouri, Illinois, and made it into Indiana, where we spent the night at Terra Haute. Also, for this trip we borrowed my grandparents' TomTom. I had a love-hate relationship with this device. It was nice to have, but it's not like a printed map where you can see the next set of directions right away, and some of the directions were very unclear..."keep left" just meant stay on this road and don't take the exit...couldn't it just say that?? We also bought a couple books on CD. The book we listened to this day was kind of bland.
Thursday: We left bright and early around 7am, and drove through Indiana, Ohio, the sliver of West Virginia that comes up between Ohio and Pennsylvania, and then on through Pennsylvania. I have to have a brag moment with my car on this leg of the trip...we made it up to 38 mpg before the end of our trip to Philadelphia. I could've hugged it, I was so happy. Also, Pennsylvania is apparently very proud of their toll roads. More than $20 to drive through the state?? Holy bejeebers, people. And then we made it to Philadelphia after sunset. We had quite the traffic jam just getting into the city from the north, and we actually stayed on the New Jersey side of things. Driving through inner Philadelphia at night. Our nerves were fried.
Friday: Mom had driven through Philadelphia and her stomach and head were still hurting from her nervousness from driving in the city, so it was determined that, rather than coming with me and trying to find something to do all day in the city, I would go to the conference and she would hang out at the hotel and feel better. That means I drove back into Philadelphia on my own...oh dear! Considering my conference was at the archdiocese offices, I was going into the heart of the city. I left 30 minutes ahead of time so I'd have plenty of time to get my bearings and find parking. First of all, $5 toll to cross the bridges into the city...highway robbery if you ask me. It would've taken an hour to bypass the tolls, which would've been silly, so we bit the bullet and had me pay $5 a day to pass over the bridges...robbery, I tell you. Then I got downtown. I discovered too late that I had driven by the cathedral, so I decided to keep driving to find a parking garage, because I didn't notice the cathedral parking open for outsiders (employees there have a card to swipe to open the gate). I kept driving and finding parking garages too late...and you DON'T stop and slow down downtown traffic. Finally I'd had enough, I was about 15 blocks away from the offices, so I turned down a street and was going to turn around and make a loop back and try again for a parking garage I had missed. Lo and behold, there was a parking garage on that street. By that time I just wanted to be done, so I pulled in and let them take my car (that's scary, leaving your car for parking garage attendants to park on their own. I've never had so many moments of not feeling in control as I did on this trip).
I walked the 15 blocks and made it to my seminar. It was lovely. Talks on contraception, stem cell research, care at the end of life...and excellent speakers, as they are all ethicists at the National Catholic Bioethics Center. Oh my gracious. I was definitely out of my comfort zone...most of the attendees were doctors and nurses. Trained professionals in health care ministries. I became used to the question, "What is your ministry?" and answering, "Oh, well, I just graduated from college...still job searching..." But everyone was so kind and professional. I made friends with an older RN from California. She's originally from India, and is a descendant from the Catholic community set up by St. Thomas the Apostle. It was a nice experience to be in a graduate setting, making friends with people older than me. Perhaps it's just because I've been surrouneded by peers my age most all my life, but it's still a foreign concept that I can be friends and peers with people older than me. I mean, my new friend had children my age, yet here we were, sharing our life stories and finding lunch together. It really was wonderful.
After the conference, I made my way back to the hotel and my mom presented the option of ordering in pizza. Yes. Please. I was so glad we chilled together and took the rest of the night to watch the Food Channel.
Saturday: About the same story, except this time they left parking by the cathedral open for us, so I didn't have to walk so far in the morning. And this day, my brother came up from Virginia to spend the evening with us, as he had to be at Fort Meade the next day for some training. So after I was done with my conference, we made our way back into the city. Unfortunately the monuments were closed by mid-afternoon, so we had no chance to see them, so we decided to do another Philly tradition...hoagies. The Food Channel has had a presentation on two competitors, Pat's and Geno's, that are across the street from each other. What we didn't realize was that it was in the midst of a super-crowded neighborhood. For real, I don't know how people live like this. We drove down streets so narrow that we were forced onto sidewalks. My mom and I were both definitely hyperventilating. Luckily, we found parking just a couple blocks away and walked to the restaurants, and bought a hoagie from each place to do the comparison. Geno's uses thicker cuts of steak, whereas Pat's cuts it up finer. The decision was that we all liked Pat's better. After having ENOUGH of the packed streets and awful driving, we made it back to our hotel, grabbed snacks at the gas station near us, and watched a couple episodes of the BBC show Sherlock that my brother had on DVD. Also, it was around this day we learned that it is against the law to fill up your own car with gas in New Jersey (and Oregon). Mom about got in some trouble for doing so. You simply roll down your window and give them payment, and designated workers fill your car for you. Weird.
Sunday: On this morning we went to Mass at a parish near our hotel, ate some breakfast, and headed out our separate way from my brother. We planned to make it to Terra Haute around 9 that evening, so we could take our time getting home on Monday. The first part of the trip was uneventful. We put in our second book on CD once we were out of the city (it was much better and scarier than the first book), and the first part of the trip absolutely flew by. We made it through Pennsylvania and Ohio, and stopped for our second driving switch near Springfield, Ohio. When we were done and getting back on the highway, we heard a sound as if we had ran over some tire debris. About twelve miles later, our battery light came on and the engine was overheating. This is where the trip went wacky. We pulled off the road, called my dad, and poured some cold water that had been in our cooler of food. We determined that the serpentine belt was off and tore up. There would be no more driving till we could get it fixed. We called the roadside assistance number on my insurance card in the car, but they didn't have our policy info (really?? really??), but they contacted a tow service for us, and found an O'Reilly's store where we could get the part. Mom was coordinating with that person while I was relaying info to Dad and calling the O'Reilly's to make sure they'd have the belt ready and in stock. By 7:45 the tow truck was contacted and we were at the mercy of their speed in getting to us...the O'Reilly's was closing at 9pm. We prayed a rosary, and within 20 minutes the truck was there and getting our car loaded (thank you, Mama Mary!). We finally made it into Springfield, and the gentleman I had contacted at the store was going to assist us in putting it on, but it turned out the pulley of the alternator had snapped and broken, which led to the condition of the serpentine belt. We were sitting ducks. The kind gentleman at O'Reilly's drove us to a hotel (which gave us a discount considering our situation, which was extremely thoughtful). We'd begin again the next day.
Monday: I can't say this day started off terribly great. We didn't want to spend money on any kind of transport, and we were only a mile down the road from the O'Reilly's, so we took our luggage and walked...but then the wheel of the heaviest luggage broke, so we struggled for about 6 blocks dragging a one-wheeled suitcase. Finally we made it to the store, bought the alternator, and they arranged with a car repair service around the corner to have our car pushed by a small tractor so we wouldn't need a tow, and they started on installing everything. Another gentleman with O'Reilly's drove us to a coffee shop where we waited for an hour and a half. We finally had the car all ready about 11am...but as we were leaving the engine light came on, and we discovered the cruise control stick had been damaged, and would no longer work. Still don't know about that one. The engine light was actually nothing, and so we finally started on our way. The rest of the trip was pretty much uneventful. We ran over some tire shreds that got stuck under the car and had to remove those. It was difficult driving without the cruise. Let me tell you, I appreciate it so much more now. Especially when we were driving through the Flint Hills in the last 3 hours. It was from about 9 to midnight, and I just could not keep any kind of steady speed, as it was dark and I'd get nervous around curves, so I kept fluctuating between 65 and 75 mph. I've never been so happy to make it home, with it's broad streets, uncrowded-ness, and all around charm. And now I don't want to travel again for a very long time.
A couple of reflections from along the way:
Having a safe trip does not mean that nothing will go wrong, only that when things do go wrong, you can still find laughter and gratefulness. Mary really did keep us safe the entire way, and provided us strength and graces to make it through our emotions and concerns.- I loved having a conference on bioethics and the Church's positions while in the city of Brotherly Love. It seemed appropriate that I was learning about the Church's focus on the dignity of the human person and love of neighbor while in this city.
- It takes traveling to a big city to appreciate the wonderfulness of a small town, or a large town that only wishes it was a big city, like Wichita. Oh, Wichita, you do try, but I like you just the way you are.
Tuesday, September 17, 2013
Star of the Sea: Lessons on Mary VII
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| originally found on psalterstudies.wordpress.com |
Hail, bright star of ocean,
God's own Mother blest,
ever sinless Virgin,
gate of heavenly rest.
Taking that sweet Ave,
which from Gabriel came,
peace confirm within us,
changing Eva's name.
Break the captives' fetters,
light on blindness pour,
all our ills expelling,
every bliss implore.
Show thyself a Mother,
may the Word Divine
born for us thy Infant
hear our prayers through thine.
Virgin all excelling,
mildest of the mild,
freed from guilt, preserve us.
Pure and undefiled.
Keep our life all spotless,
make our way secure
till we find in Jesus,
joy for evermore.
Through the highest heaven,
to the Almighty Three,
Father, Son, and Spirit,
one same glory be. Amen.
There's a brief history of the hymn here. A history of the title of Mary itself can be found here. Also, this is one of my current favorite contemporary renditions of the song:
P.S. My mom and I are driving to Philadelphia this weekend for my grad school conference. Yes, driving. Perhaps this is a timely post then, for travel. Our Lady, Star of the Sea, guide our travels and keep my heart focused on you!
Monday, September 9, 2013
Figuring it out
Two posts in one...because I just couldn't narrow down which one to post first, and one has been in the draft box for quite a while, so it deserves to come out of hiding.
So, this past Sunday's first reading...spoke to my perpetually-confused-and-very-melancholic soul. I'll just post it in it's entirety for reference:
Wisdom 9:13-18
Who can know God's counsel, or who can conceive what the LORD intends?
For the deliberations of mortals are timid, and unsure are our plans.
For the corruptible body burdens the soul and the earthen shelter weighs down the mind that has many concerns.
And scarce do we guess the things on earth, and what is within our grasp we find with difficulty; but when things are in heaven, who can search them out?
Or who ever knew your counsel, except you had given Wisdom and sent your holy spirit from on high?
And thus were the paths of those on earth made straight, and men learned what was your pleasure, and were saved by Wisdom.
Things have slowly been coming together in my new adult post-college life. Engagement...grad school... Now I've been waiting on a job (remember, melancholic (so glad that God's grace is transforming and helps me grow beyond that (that's a different post for a different day))). After listening to this reading, I thought perhaps I should break out of my melancholic state on the matter and find points on which to rejoice.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had a wonderful summer spent with my parents.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it reminds me of my dependency on my Creator.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had time to work on my prayer life.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have a flexible schedule that allows me to see and have nice, long conversations with friends.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it has given me time to work on wedding planning and beginning grad school.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it's a humbling experience.
Not that I don't want a job...I really really really want a job. But I need to remember (even if it takes a spiritual 2x4 to the heart) that unemployment is graced also.
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Thank you, moms out there.
Thank you for your cute photos. And recipe suggestions. And for sharing your rough days.
See, I've been having quite a few people tell me that it's nice that I "have my vocation figured out" now that I'm engaged. Granted, this usually comes from my still-discerning, well-intentioned friends.
But the truth is, I don't.
Maybe I'm getting too technical here, but I don't think I'll have marriage "figured out" until I get to the end. I know they mean that I've discerned which path I'm pretty sure God is wanting me to take to get to holiness in the way that is most suited to my spirituality and temperament, but to consider me some kind of a peer expert on dating or vocation...oh man. I'm just not that person.
There is an interesting article that keeps making the rounds about how this blogger doesn't buy into the whole "soul-mate" idea. I go back and forth in my mind on some of the points on whether I agree with them or not...but I think the same thing can apply to our discernment of vocations as Catholics (I hope I'm not saying something heretical here in the next few sentences (maybe you should check with somebody else, like a priest who knows what they're talking about, before you take what I say seriously(#theologianproblems(I promise, I don't usually use hastags)))). We have an interesting thing with our faith where we don't just have to figure out who we're called to marry...we also discern if we're even called to marriage, or maybe to the religious life/priesthood. It's almost like a double whammy. Many of my friends and I have struggled with the first big question: Marriage? Religious life/priesthood? Maybe it's a little bit like this article. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we young Catholics make the discerning process seem so stoic and serious and huge. We forget that romance is a good, fun, exciting, wholesome thing. We forget that it's ok to tease and laugh with the Sisters on our discernment retreats. God isn't trying to confuse us, He is only encouraging us to learn about ourselves and where we most find peace with Him.
When I say that I'm engaged and am called to marriage, I don't have it all figured out. I only know that I find marriage more challenging than the religious life (for me), that I find God's love most in moments of harmony rather than disassociation, and that loving a spouse is going to better help me learn what it means to love God, and to be loved by Him. And that's why I'm pursuing marriage.
And that's why it's nice to be at the stage where I'm starting to have more and more young married friends, and some that are mothers. Because it's a nice, humble reminder that it is a journey. Plus, it's nice to know I have women in my life to turn to a year or two down the road when I'm bursting with questions about how to do the whole married thing. I just want to tell every married blogger I know to keep their blogs up for a long time so I have their posts to go to to get inspiration and ideas.
So, this past Sunday's first reading...spoke to my perpetually-confused-and-very-melancholic soul. I'll just post it in it's entirety for reference:
Wisdom 9:13-18
Who can know God's counsel, or who can conceive what the LORD intends?
For the deliberations of mortals are timid, and unsure are our plans.
For the corruptible body burdens the soul and the earthen shelter weighs down the mind that has many concerns.
And scarce do we guess the things on earth, and what is within our grasp we find with difficulty; but when things are in heaven, who can search them out?
Or who ever knew your counsel, except you had given Wisdom and sent your holy spirit from on high?
And thus were the paths of those on earth made straight, and men learned what was your pleasure, and were saved by Wisdom.
Things have slowly been coming together in my new adult post-college life. Engagement...grad school... Now I've been waiting on a job (remember, melancholic (so glad that God's grace is transforming and helps me grow beyond that (that's a different post for a different day))). After listening to this reading, I thought perhaps I should break out of my melancholic state on the matter and find points on which to rejoice.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had a wonderful summer spent with my parents.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it reminds me of my dependency on my Creator.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had time to work on my prayer life.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have a flexible schedule that allows me to see and have nice, long conversations with friends.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it has given me time to work on wedding planning and beginning grad school.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it's a humbling experience.
Not that I don't want a job...I really really really want a job. But I need to remember (even if it takes a spiritual 2x4 to the heart) that unemployment is graced also.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------
Thank you, moms out there.
Thank you for your cute photos. And recipe suggestions. And for sharing your rough days.
See, I've been having quite a few people tell me that it's nice that I "have my vocation figured out" now that I'm engaged. Granted, this usually comes from my still-discerning, well-intentioned friends.
But the truth is, I don't.
Maybe I'm getting too technical here, but I don't think I'll have marriage "figured out" until I get to the end. I know they mean that I've discerned which path I'm pretty sure God is wanting me to take to get to holiness in the way that is most suited to my spirituality and temperament, but to consider me some kind of a peer expert on dating or vocation...oh man. I'm just not that person.
There is an interesting article that keeps making the rounds about how this blogger doesn't buy into the whole "soul-mate" idea. I go back and forth in my mind on some of the points on whether I agree with them or not...but I think the same thing can apply to our discernment of vocations as Catholics (I hope I'm not saying something heretical here in the next few sentences (maybe you should check with somebody else, like a priest who knows what they're talking about, before you take what I say seriously(#theologianproblems(I promise, I don't usually use hastags)))). We have an interesting thing with our faith where we don't just have to figure out who we're called to marry...we also discern if we're even called to marriage, or maybe to the religious life/priesthood. It's almost like a double whammy. Many of my friends and I have struggled with the first big question: Marriage? Religious life/priesthood? Maybe it's a little bit like this article. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we young Catholics make the discerning process seem so stoic and serious and huge. We forget that romance is a good, fun, exciting, wholesome thing. We forget that it's ok to tease and laugh with the Sisters on our discernment retreats. God isn't trying to confuse us, He is only encouraging us to learn about ourselves and where we most find peace with Him.
When I say that I'm engaged and am called to marriage, I don't have it all figured out. I only know that I find marriage more challenging than the religious life (for me), that I find God's love most in moments of harmony rather than disassociation, and that loving a spouse is going to better help me learn what it means to love God, and to be loved by Him. And that's why I'm pursuing marriage.
And that's why it's nice to be at the stage where I'm starting to have more and more young married friends, and some that are mothers. Because it's a nice, humble reminder that it is a journey. Plus, it's nice to know I have women in my life to turn to a year or two down the road when I'm bursting with questions about how to do the whole married thing. I just want to tell every married blogger I know to keep their blogs up for a long time so I have their posts to go to to get inspiration and ideas.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Blessed Dina Belanger
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| Originally posted on www.acfp2000.com |
1. Blessed Dina was from Quebec. She was studied music in New York and was working towards becoming a concert pianist...
2. ...until God got in the way. She stayed with the Religious of Jesus-Mary and decided to enter at the age of 24.
3. Due to her musical talent, her superiors had her continue to teach and study music.
Want to see more? Check out her bio on Catholic Online
Wednesday, August 28, 2013
School Update
My loan has come through, I'm getting registered...I start grad school on Monday!!!!!!!!
Cue happy dance: Open Skies
Cue happy dance: Open Skies
Monday, August 26, 2013
Basking
I'm basking in the goodness, people.
I got accepted into Holy Apostles College and Seminary so I can pursue a masters in theology with a focus in bioethics.
I spent the weekend in KC with a fabulous friend and with my wonderful fiance.
I know there's a lot more to do...wedding planning, loan application for school, registering for classes, getting a job...but I'm basking in these two simple things right now.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
I got accepted into Holy Apostles College and Seminary so I can pursue a masters in theology with a focus in bioethics.
I spent the weekend in KC with a fabulous friend and with my wonderful fiance.
I know there's a lot more to do...wedding planning, loan application for school, registering for classes, getting a job...but I'm basking in these two simple things right now.
Praise God from whom all blessings flow.
Monday, August 12, 2013
Enough Silence: Quote of the Day XXXIII
"We've had enough of exhortations to be silent! Cry out with a hundred thousand tongues! I see that the world is rotten because of silence."--St. Catherine of Siena
Wednesday, August 7, 2013
Beginning of August thoughts
It can rain for the rest of the summer, if you ask me. Maybe a little more spread out...I was in a town this weekend that got 5-7" overnight...it felt like we were floating to Mass, driving by cars stalled out in waist-high water (yay for my uncle's truck...).
I'm so close to school, I can feel it. Can't wait to send off the paperwork and have everything final.
Job on the other hand. I didn't realize positions sent out refusal letters when you haven't even interviewed. And it constantly surprises me that, as big and on fire as our diocese is, there aren't more job openings in our diocese. Not that it would work out very well, starting a job and then quitting in less than a year to get married...but still...
Speaking of which...finally getting around to starting marriage prep soon and nailing down a date. God has that funny sense of humor still. Our priest for marriage prep at Matt's parish will be none other than my spiritual director from when I was at school. Man, he's gonna know every little detail about me already! It will definitely lend itself to creating a very open and honest environment.
I think I finally know what we'll be doing for table decorations. Strangely enough this is one of the bigger things on my mind right now. I want something simple but tasteful. The thing is, at our parish hall, you really need lights on the tables to see once the lights are turned off for the dance. But I'm a little opposed to actual candles. The thought of kiddos playing with candles freaks me out a little bit. My mom found some tiny lamp shades that you can put over wine glasses, and then you can use the little electric tea lights inside of the wine glasses...presto. Mini lamps. Simple, yet tasteful. I just...really want to have it be simple and nice so that the Sacrament and the community are the main focus. I know I'm a big idea person when approaching this (and very budget oriented) whereas my mom understands the details much more. I.e. we've already had some heated discussions about catering. There's a restaurant that offers either pick-up, delivery, or serving. I suggested we think seriously about the delivery option to save money. Mom won't have it. I know this is going to be a battle of wills at some points for us, and we'll both have to bend at times. It'll be nice to find common ground though too.
I promise the majority of blog posts will probably not be boring wedding details. Maybe every once in a while, but hopefully not on a regular basis. So for making it through that, here's a (somewhat) educational game for you to play:
How well do you know your world?
I'm so close to school, I can feel it. Can't wait to send off the paperwork and have everything final.
Job on the other hand. I didn't realize positions sent out refusal letters when you haven't even interviewed. And it constantly surprises me that, as big and on fire as our diocese is, there aren't more job openings in our diocese. Not that it would work out very well, starting a job and then quitting in less than a year to get married...but still...
Speaking of which...finally getting around to starting marriage prep soon and nailing down a date. God has that funny sense of humor still. Our priest for marriage prep at Matt's parish will be none other than my spiritual director from when I was at school. Man, he's gonna know every little detail about me already! It will definitely lend itself to creating a very open and honest environment.
I think I finally know what we'll be doing for table decorations. Strangely enough this is one of the bigger things on my mind right now. I want something simple but tasteful. The thing is, at our parish hall, you really need lights on the tables to see once the lights are turned off for the dance. But I'm a little opposed to actual candles. The thought of kiddos playing with candles freaks me out a little bit. My mom found some tiny lamp shades that you can put over wine glasses, and then you can use the little electric tea lights inside of the wine glasses...presto. Mini lamps. Simple, yet tasteful. I just...really want to have it be simple and nice so that the Sacrament and the community are the main focus. I know I'm a big idea person when approaching this (and very budget oriented) whereas my mom understands the details much more. I.e. we've already had some heated discussions about catering. There's a restaurant that offers either pick-up, delivery, or serving. I suggested we think seriously about the delivery option to save money. Mom won't have it. I know this is going to be a battle of wills at some points for us, and we'll both have to bend at times. It'll be nice to find common ground though too.
I promise the majority of blog posts will probably not be boring wedding details. Maybe every once in a while, but hopefully not on a regular basis. So for making it through that, here's a (somewhat) educational game for you to play:
How well do you know your world?
Monday, July 29, 2013
John 11:19-27: Daily Gospel XX
Lord if you had been here...
Oh, how OFTEN I feel the same sentiments in my daily life, especially with such heavy decisions lately. While at first this can sound hasty, or presumptuous, maybe even like testing God, I think it also shows much faith on Martha's part. She knows that of which Jesus is capable. She's been there for His miracles, has traveled as a disciple with the other women who followed Him. She has no doubt of His friendship.
Then He goes on to explain that He is the resurrection and the life. What was a situation concerning Lazarus suddenly gets flipped on her, and she is the one experiencing resurrection. This is not just a body-rising-at-death event, but a daily offering of our souls and lives. While Martha's sadness is appropriate in the situation, Jesus has challenged her to transcend that sadness into faith.
Sadness so often becomes our stopping point, and if there's ever hope expressed, even that can seem pessimistic ("I know things will get better eventually.") Hope is now. We can't put off hope when Jesus is in our midst. True, if He had been there, the story might have gone quite differently. But He is here now. Make the most of His Presence.
Oh, how OFTEN I feel the same sentiments in my daily life, especially with such heavy decisions lately. While at first this can sound hasty, or presumptuous, maybe even like testing God, I think it also shows much faith on Martha's part. She knows that of which Jesus is capable. She's been there for His miracles, has traveled as a disciple with the other women who followed Him. She has no doubt of His friendship.
Then He goes on to explain that He is the resurrection and the life. What was a situation concerning Lazarus suddenly gets flipped on her, and she is the one experiencing resurrection. This is not just a body-rising-at-death event, but a daily offering of our souls and lives. While Martha's sadness is appropriate in the situation, Jesus has challenged her to transcend that sadness into faith.
Sadness so often becomes our stopping point, and if there's ever hope expressed, even that can seem pessimistic ("I know things will get better eventually.") Hope is now. We can't put off hope when Jesus is in our midst. True, if He had been there, the story might have gone quite differently. But He is here now. Make the most of His Presence.
Thursday, July 18, 2013
Life since the decision
I said no to Franciscan.
There was much prayer, weighing options, and tears and tears and tears (and still plenty of tears, three days later) over it. And to tell the truth, it's still hard to tell if it was the right option. It'll feel better once I'm all signed up for this other course.
I have had some people who have come to the rescue this week. I haven't had a ton of one-on-ones since coming home this summer, but this week I've had four wonderful heart-to-hearts, two on the phone and two in person, not to mention my mom who senses when I need a good cry. I've been blessed with amazing women who hold me up to a higher standard in my search for peace and joy in this decision.
And now I think I'm done in the school dilemma saga, at least for now. Back to regular programming. I came across this article lately, and found it interesting in light of our own diocese now being without a bishop:
There was much prayer, weighing options, and tears and tears and tears (and still plenty of tears, three days later) over it. And to tell the truth, it's still hard to tell if it was the right option. It'll feel better once I'm all signed up for this other course.
I have had some people who have come to the rescue this week. I haven't had a ton of one-on-ones since coming home this summer, but this week I've had four wonderful heart-to-hearts, two on the phone and two in person, not to mention my mom who senses when I need a good cry. I've been blessed with amazing women who hold me up to a higher standard in my search for peace and joy in this decision.
And now I think I'm done in the school dilemma saga, at least for now. Back to regular programming. I came across this article lately, and found it interesting in light of our own diocese now being without a bishop:
Monday, July 15, 2013
My Day Today...
So far I've called the Pope John Paul II Institute to turn down the scholarship there (they are so gracious and are holding the money for a few weeks in case I change my mind).
Now I really need to make a decision and either accept Franciscan's offer or try for a program through the National Catholic Bioethics Center.
And the decision needs to happen today.
I know I've been praying so hard on this, to make the right decision, but if you happen to read this today, please pray for me as well. I really don't want to mess up on this. It probably sounds silly in the grand scheme of things...other people have so many more complex, harder issues to deal with, but all I've been praying on all week is this decision which will impact the next 1-2 years of my life. But at the same time, it is so big to me. And even though I asked Franciscan for the weekend to think on it, I still keep going back and forth. I think the thing is that either option is good and neither one is particularly bad. Each comes with it's own perks and downfalls (I made a list of pros and cons for each in Adoration on Friday).
In the long run, I know bioethics is what I want to study. And it's going to happen somehow, someway. The hard part is the possibility of turning down a (reallllly) good scholarship.
This prayer popped up on Facebook the other day, not too long after I got the news of the scholarship from Franciscan. It's a good one. With all my focus on this one thought, I've been praying a lot but finding my ability to engage in life and helpful devotions hindered. So this is relevant:
Now I really need to make a decision and either accept Franciscan's offer or try for a program through the National Catholic Bioethics Center.
And the decision needs to happen today.
I know I've been praying so hard on this, to make the right decision, but if you happen to read this today, please pray for me as well. I really don't want to mess up on this. It probably sounds silly in the grand scheme of things...other people have so many more complex, harder issues to deal with, but all I've been praying on all week is this decision which will impact the next 1-2 years of my life. But at the same time, it is so big to me. And even though I asked Franciscan for the weekend to think on it, I still keep going back and forth. I think the thing is that either option is good and neither one is particularly bad. Each comes with it's own perks and downfalls (I made a list of pros and cons for each in Adoration on Friday).
In the long run, I know bioethics is what I want to study. And it's going to happen somehow, someway. The hard part is the possibility of turning down a (reallllly) good scholarship.
This prayer popped up on Facebook the other day, not too long after I got the news of the scholarship from Franciscan. It's a good one. With all my focus on this one thought, I've been praying a lot but finding my ability to engage in life and helpful devotions hindered. So this is relevant:
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| Courtesy of Ignatius Press |
Monday, July 8, 2013
Another rant about life
I *really* wanted another option to weigh concerning life after graduation... (I say that with the kindest sarcastic voice I can muster).
Today I got a call that I've been selected as one of two to have my tuition at Franciscan cut in half.
Trust me, I'm humbled by this. Honored. Stoked.
But frustrated! Suddenly I have another option...besides hoping for magical scholarships for Catholic U. and for getting a full time job if school didn't work out, I have another school with an awesome scholarship that, once again, I just don't know if I can swing living expenses...
Dagnabbit.
It stinks to want an education so darn badly!
Sorry, you didn't ask to be ranted to about life, but you got it!
Today I got a call that I've been selected as one of two to have my tuition at Franciscan cut in half.
Trust me, I'm humbled by this. Honored. Stoked.
But frustrated! Suddenly I have another option...besides hoping for magical scholarships for Catholic U. and for getting a full time job if school didn't work out, I have another school with an awesome scholarship that, once again, I just don't know if I can swing living expenses...
Dagnabbit.
It stinks to want an education so darn badly!
Sorry, you didn't ask to be ranted to about life, but you got it!
Wednesday, June 26, 2013
Nightly fix of beauty: Song recommendation XXXI
If you have the Catholicism series, I'm jealous (don't worry, not envious...just jealous). If not, and you love the music as much as me, it's all on iTunes and Spotify. If you haven't seen or heard it, here's a taste for you!
Thursday, June 20, 2013
The Worst Prison would be a Closed Heart
^^so said Blessed Pope John Paul II
I'm really needing some grateful in my life right now. So here's my grateful.
1. For the chance to spend time with family. Especially now that my brother is home. All 4 home at once hasn't happened in more than a year.
2. For the slower pace of summer. Time to do fun projects, like a puzzle, book (Three to Get Married at the moment...) and Pinterest craft items (made a skirt!).
3. For getting to see the fiance after almost a month.
4. For friends who've been keeping in touch and always give me a mood boost.
5. For Jeremiah 29:11.
6. For music that makes me want to go two-stepping. Or stand in the middle of a wheat field and soak up the sun. Especially this song when I was driving down the road with the windows rolled down today.
7. For a new used car. That tells me the direction I'm going (it's the little things, really...).
8. For milk shakes. And a mom who knows when I need to get out of the house and go for a drive with her to get one. And a hug.
9. For the Bible study I'm in this summer. A good spiritual exercise to keep me on track.
10. For her.
I'm really needing some grateful in my life right now. So here's my grateful.
1. For the chance to spend time with family. Especially now that my brother is home. All 4 home at once hasn't happened in more than a year.
2. For the slower pace of summer. Time to do fun projects, like a puzzle, book (Three to Get Married at the moment...) and Pinterest craft items (made a skirt!).
3. For getting to see the fiance after almost a month.
4. For friends who've been keeping in touch and always give me a mood boost.
5. For Jeremiah 29:11.
6. For music that makes me want to go two-stepping. Or stand in the middle of a wheat field and soak up the sun. Especially this song when I was driving down the road with the windows rolled down today.
7. For a new used car. That tells me the direction I'm going (it's the little things, really...).
8. For milk shakes. And a mom who knows when I need to get out of the house and go for a drive with her to get one. And a hug.
9. For the Bible study I'm in this summer. A good spiritual exercise to keep me on track.
10. For her.
Monday, June 10, 2013
Princess Kathleen Walker: Pro-Life Feature VII
Archduchess...gorgeous...fashionable...pro-life? I only recently learned about this beautiful woman, but she lit up the media last October. This American-born princess was a communications director with the American Life League, and with Catholic Charities in Arlington. I've always been more keen on keeping up with royalty than movie stars (yes, I google often for new pics of the Duchess of Cambridge's baby bump). So this just makes the pro-life activist in me happy. Here's a link to read up more: Archduchess Kathleen of Austria
Tuesday, June 4, 2013
Still Waiting
I was hoping by this point in the summer that I could make a wonderful blog post about specific future plans and what I'm doing with my life.
Alas.
Things are still very vague on my end. I'm engaged...but I don't know when I'm getting married. I have a part-time, on-commission job...but I'm still looking for full-time employment. I've been accepted to school...but I still don't know if I can afford it.
It's interesting (and obnoxious) to tell people these details. One thing I've learned since graduation is that uncertain plans translate to failure in people's ears. Hoping to go to school half-way across the country even though you're engaged makes people raise their eyebrows and stare at you like you're mad. Get that girl a reality check.
I guess that's where my hopefulness about my part-time job comes in. It's working with Reditus Marketing...they work with local businesses to sponsor the Lighthouse CD displays in three local parishes, and in turn put their business ads on the displays (If any of you know some local businesses that would love to support this great ministry, let me know? Most of the responses I've received is that they've planned out their advertising budgets for the year. I guess I'm still learning the ropes here.). It really is a great opportunity...flexible working from home whenever I want, it'll be nice to either earn money for school or supplement my future full-time income, and since it's nation-wide I can take it wherever I go...either to school or wherever I find a job. The thing is, since I'm still just starting, I'm just at the making-calls phase...and hearing lots of "no". I know it's all in the numbers...the more calls I make, the closer I'll get to a "yes" to an appointment, and then to a "yes" to sponsor. But when it's the only thing I'm relying on right now, every "no" is more and more frustrating.
So life right now is about finding the beauty in the limbo. Finding blessing in waiting. Attempting not to feel like I'm a burden...I'm trying my best, but when the world tells you you have to be doing something, it's a little difficult to be content in any kind of wait-and-see phase. This is a tad cliche, but I know something will work out.
Alas.
Things are still very vague on my end. I'm engaged...but I don't know when I'm getting married. I have a part-time, on-commission job...but I'm still looking for full-time employment. I've been accepted to school...but I still don't know if I can afford it.
It's interesting (and obnoxious) to tell people these details. One thing I've learned since graduation is that uncertain plans translate to failure in people's ears. Hoping to go to school half-way across the country even though you're engaged makes people raise their eyebrows and stare at you like you're mad. Get that girl a reality check.
I guess that's where my hopefulness about my part-time job comes in. It's working with Reditus Marketing...they work with local businesses to sponsor the Lighthouse CD displays in three local parishes, and in turn put their business ads on the displays (If any of you know some local businesses that would love to support this great ministry, let me know? Most of the responses I've received is that they've planned out their advertising budgets for the year. I guess I'm still learning the ropes here.). It really is a great opportunity...flexible working from home whenever I want, it'll be nice to either earn money for school or supplement my future full-time income, and since it's nation-wide I can take it wherever I go...either to school or wherever I find a job. The thing is, since I'm still just starting, I'm just at the making-calls phase...and hearing lots of "no". I know it's all in the numbers...the more calls I make, the closer I'll get to a "yes" to an appointment, and then to a "yes" to sponsor. But when it's the only thing I'm relying on right now, every "no" is more and more frustrating.
So life right now is about finding the beauty in the limbo. Finding blessing in waiting. Attempting not to feel like I'm a burden...I'm trying my best, but when the world tells you you have to be doing something, it's a little difficult to be content in any kind of wait-and-see phase. This is a tad cliche, but I know something will work out.
Thursday, May 23, 2013
Mary in the Upper Room: Lessons on Mary VII
This is such a win. Wanted to learn more about Mary's involvement in Pentecost. Found a Papal Audience from 1989 about Mary's presence in the Upper Room. Boom. Here's the link!: Mary's Presence in the Upper Room at Jerusalem
Wednesday, May 15, 2013
Mantilla
I've had a lot of questions lately on the use of a veil, or more formally a mantilla. I plan to use this post as a reference for future questions.
I started wearing the veil at the prompting of a friend in high school. Back then I wasn't really sure of specific reasons for my wearing it yet--I wore it because it was pretty (still true!). Over time, my reasons solidified.
Here are a couple of my favorite sites to refer about the wearing of the mantilla:
http://www.ignitumtoday.com/2011/12/15/a-few-reasons-to-wear-the-veil-at-mass/
http://www.mantillawithme.com/Welcome.html
And last but not least, a video about how to wear the mantilla!
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| Photo credit: Rockhurst University Campus Ministry |
- For me, it's a devotion to the Blessed Virgin. Wearing a veil helps me unite myself with her even more.
- It actually helps me stay focused during Mass. If I wear it in a certain way, then the veil appears in my peripheral vision on both sides of my head. If I start wandering during Mass or Adoration, I'll see my veil and remember where my focus belongs.
Here are a couple of my favorite sites to refer about the wearing of the mantilla:
http://www.ignitumtoday.com/2011/12/15/a-few-reasons-to-wear-the-veil-at-mass/
http://www.mantillawithme.com/Welcome.html
And last but not least, a video about how to wear the mantilla!
Monday, May 6, 2013
Bl. Edward Jones (and Anthony Middleton)
1. Both attended Douai College in Rheims (besties!) (don't worry, I won't ever write that word again. I'm just always excited at holy people being best friends. St. Teresa of Avila and St. John of the Cross...Sts. Felicity and Perpetua...besties. Saints come in packs!)
2. Both became priests and evangelized in England during the reign of Elizabeth I.
3. They were hunted down and arrested. Later, they were hanged at the very spot.
Monday, April 29, 2013
Just breathe
This is for all my fellow peers also approaching the end of the school year, graduation, and all the other stresses along with it. Who knows how many of them will ever read this, but if they were, this is what I want to tell them.
You are loved. I love you. I'm glad we've had the time together that we have. I'm happy for you if you're excited and looking forward to the next step of life. If you're scared out of your mind, don't know the next step to take, and are clinging on to the last days for dear life, making every memory that you can, I'm right there with you. We're in this together.
I want you to feel peace. If you're anything like me, and you're going to miss these past four years, know that I will miss them too. Some time, I'd love to spend an evening talking about all our favorite memories. Remember what made us friends in the first place--our faith, and our love of life. Our crazy adventures. If you're anything like me and struggling with letting go, a week or so ago the Gospel at Mass was John 14:1-6. "Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" Jesus is preparing something better beyond this, even if it's hard to remember right now. It's ok to take time to be sad and be with friends and miss them and wait for the day that there won't be any more goodbyes. It's ok.
If you're excited and ready to move on, I'm happy that you have that next step in your life. I would like to ask you to be patient with those of us not so ready to let go. As much as we want to be happy with and for you, let's also hang on to the time we have left together and enjoy each other's presence. Let's not leave anything undone. Let's make the most of our time.
If you haven't even gotten this far in thinking and are still focused on just getting through finals, I pray they go smoothly for you and that your effort shines forth in your end result. I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you're so close to being done with it. Don't forget to take time for yourself and for God in the midst of the struggle.
AMDG
You are loved. I love you. I'm glad we've had the time together that we have. I'm happy for you if you're excited and looking forward to the next step of life. If you're scared out of your mind, don't know the next step to take, and are clinging on to the last days for dear life, making every memory that you can, I'm right there with you. We're in this together.
I want you to feel peace. If you're anything like me, and you're going to miss these past four years, know that I will miss them too. Some time, I'd love to spend an evening talking about all our favorite memories. Remember what made us friends in the first place--our faith, and our love of life. Our crazy adventures. If you're anything like me and struggling with letting go, a week or so ago the Gospel at Mass was John 14:1-6. "Lord, we do not know where you are going; how can we know the way?" Jesus is preparing something better beyond this, even if it's hard to remember right now. It's ok to take time to be sad and be with friends and miss them and wait for the day that there won't be any more goodbyes. It's ok.
If you're excited and ready to move on, I'm happy that you have that next step in your life. I would like to ask you to be patient with those of us not so ready to let go. As much as we want to be happy with and for you, let's also hang on to the time we have left together and enjoy each other's presence. Let's not leave anything undone. Let's make the most of our time.
If you haven't even gotten this far in thinking and are still focused on just getting through finals, I pray they go smoothly for you and that your effort shines forth in your end result. I promise that there is a light at the end of the tunnel, and you're so close to being done with it. Don't forget to take time for yourself and for God in the midst of the struggle.
AMDG
Wednesday, April 24, 2013
Quote of the day XXXII
"That God looks upon you with love, you can't have any doubt; for God lovingly regards even the most terrible sinners of the world, looking for the smallest true desire they have for conversion. Tell me, my dearest daughter, Don't you have the intention of being God's? Don't you want to serve God faithfully? And who gives this desire and this intention, if not God himself in his loving regard? To examine whether your heart is pleasing to him, is not the right approach, but whether his heart pleases you. And if you gaze upon his heart, it will be impossible for it not to please you, for it is a heart so gentle, so sweet, so graciously humble, so amorous of poor creatures if only they recognize their misery, so gracious towards the miserable, so good towards the penitent. And who would not love this royal heart, paternally maternal towards us?" -- St. Francis de Sales, Letter 1402
Sunday, April 21, 2013
Same ole
Today I left home at 6:30am, got back to KC, went straight to Mass, and studied for a solid 6 hours before taking a break, and haven't been able to concentrate again since.
It's been a long day.
But productive. This is actually good for me. All my small projects--reading assignments, small homework--is out of the way. Now it's time for papers. I mean, I have most all of my sources I requested from the library, I have outlines. But that first paragraph is always intimidating. How you get going on that first paragraph sets the course for the rest of the paper. As much as I was telling myself I'd start tonight, I'll probably just dedicate it to the rest of this week and give up on trying for tonight.
In other news...
In the grad school/jobs area, I have a working, fluid plan. I have submitted my acceptance for the JPII Institute in D.C., so if I do not get a bite on job applications it looks like I'll be going there! I'm excited at the prospect, truly I am, but oh money... It'll be a tight squeeze to make it work. I'm bookmarking and saving grant websites as fast as I can find grants that are applicable to me.
This past week was rough. Not just in the news nationwide, but a lot of people I know, including myself for the first half of the week, just had rough weeks. I know papers are all coming up, and finals are looming, and money must be earned and some sane life must be kept going...but I really hope there's a weekend before graduation when I can just be with friends, instead of studying or ranting or worrying. Just be calm and be. I miss doing that with friends. Life.
Speaking of friends, my first friend from my grade school/middle school group of friends back home got married this past weekend. The weddings are indeed beginning and multiplying for my peer group. At this pace, with so many mini reunions at each wedding, I won't have a need to go to any official reunion for a good 10 to 15 years.
It's been a long day.
But productive. This is actually good for me. All my small projects--reading assignments, small homework--is out of the way. Now it's time for papers. I mean, I have most all of my sources I requested from the library, I have outlines. But that first paragraph is always intimidating. How you get going on that first paragraph sets the course for the rest of the paper. As much as I was telling myself I'd start tonight, I'll probably just dedicate it to the rest of this week and give up on trying for tonight.
In other news...
In the grad school/jobs area, I have a working, fluid plan. I have submitted my acceptance for the JPII Institute in D.C., so if I do not get a bite on job applications it looks like I'll be going there! I'm excited at the prospect, truly I am, but oh money... It'll be a tight squeeze to make it work. I'm bookmarking and saving grant websites as fast as I can find grants that are applicable to me.
This past week was rough. Not just in the news nationwide, but a lot of people I know, including myself for the first half of the week, just had rough weeks. I know papers are all coming up, and finals are looming, and money must be earned and some sane life must be kept going...but I really hope there's a weekend before graduation when I can just be with friends, instead of studying or ranting or worrying. Just be calm and be. I miss doing that with friends. Life.
Speaking of friends, my first friend from my grade school/middle school group of friends back home got married this past weekend. The weddings are indeed beginning and multiplying for my peer group. At this pace, with so many mini reunions at each wedding, I won't have a need to go to any official reunion for a good 10 to 15 years.
Saturday, April 13, 2013
Daily Gospel XIX: John 6: 1-15
Funny enough, in Synoptic Gospels, we just covered the Mark version of this story. Go figure.
I just have a few thoughts:
I just have a few thoughts:
- The boy who had the loaves and fish. That was probably his meal for the day there, and he gave it to the disciples. He gave it up and probably got so much more in return.
- Can you imagine yourself as one in that crowd? Getting carried away with the excitement, realizing what had just happened. Wow.
- "Gather the fragments left over, so that nothing will be wasted."God's grace is never wasted. It is stored up for those souls who need it most. The Church is overflowing, but guided carefully at the same time.
Wednesday, April 3, 2013
Just one more voice
I want people to know Truth.
Not just some abstract truth, but Truth the Person. There are things about Truth I'm certain of...He's found, in faith, in the person of Jesus Christ, who entrusted His Word and revelation through Scripture and Tradition to His Apostles, who began their ministries baptizing all the nations by the authority which He gave them, and their ordained ministers, to this day, are guided by the Holy Spirit.
In short, I'm Catholic. And because Catholic is my identity, I identify with what the Church teaches to be true and to lead to Truth. And because I believe in Truth, I want others to share in that Truth with me. Truth unavoidably spills over. Truth is wild and powerful.
If you haven't been around me when I get hooked on a subject, especially something that's causing a lot of stir in the media, it might be a good thing. One of my FOCUS missionaries last year said she enjoyed seeing me get excited about defending the faith cause my eyes get all lit up and fiery. Welllll that's not all that happens...it consumes my time. It becomes the focus of my attention. Somehow I let myself believe that if only people would see things from my way, they would really change their mind and heart. Then, the moment someone criticizes or counter-argues, I retreat...I'm okay with starting the fight, but I definitely can't finish it.
One of my favorite stories from the Bible is the story of Paul in Athens, Acts 17:16-34. Paul is in the midst of "heathens". They get a little curious about this Jesus dude...maybe He's another deity they can add to their list. Paul doesn't start out condemning...he actually compliments them on their piety. He finds the common ground he can start from, and then proceeds to discourse. Paul really employed wisdom: applying knowledge in love. Building relationships.
The Church has a valuable lesson to learn from Paul in our own times. The Church has the answers, but her children need a lesson in how to engage with the public. Paul's model of evangelization is exactly what we need. I think a lot of us are nervous about getting on the level of others for fear of being pulled down. We forget we have a Resurrected Christ who has raised human nature. We need not fear any mistakes we may make in our evangelization, for we have recourse to the Spirit of Wisdom who will support us and raise us up.
So how do we get down to the level of the world without becoming worldly? I think we need to observe what the world is responding to. It certainly hates what the Church says, but loves what the Church does. It hates what we say about abortion, but loves crisis pregnancy centers. It loathes talk of chastity and abstinence, but applauds decreased STDs. It wags its fingers at the beauty inside of churches, but weeps at the picture of a missionary with an impoverished child. In short, the world is impatient with explanation of actions but grasps at effect of those same actions. Why is it that they aren't connecting the Truth we say with the Truth we act out? The only answer I can come up with is that the way we are presenting the Truth we say just isn't coming out as nicely. More often, it sounds like the harsh gong of 1 Corintians 13...an empty sound without love.
Truth seeks connections, not just with concepts but with people. But if we are presenting Truth as cold-hard facts, we've got it all wrong. St. Josemaria Escriva mourned this sad tendency of ours: "Out of ten ways of saying No, why must you always choose the most disagreeable? Virtue has no wish to hurt."..."Learn how to say No, without hurting people unnecessarily or having recourse to the kind of abrupt rejection which destroys charity." If our intentions in presenting the Gospel of Jesus Christ, or even getting more secular and giving an argument from a philosophical standpoint which supports the Church, is for the reasons of proving wrong, starting an argument, or getting people to conform to a way of life that makes us more comfortable, then we're just starting a losing battle.
"So what are you going on about here, silly handmaid?" you ask. This is the struggle I've been perceiving in the last week or so with the marriage debate. It's been so interesting to take a step back and see how people are getting involved. And it really is different from the abortion debate. Maybe because with abortion there are really lives at stake, and so some people naturally get more passionate about it. Maybe some people are just plain tired of endless social media debates that give them a million and one notifications. Whatever the case, it appeared to be a kind of fear that settled in. Those who supported a change to marriage proudly showed their equal signs and almost dared others to oppose them, for if they would, they would instantly be labeled a "bigot" (a word which was thrown around excessively...and nobody wants to be called a bigot. I, a people-pleaser by nature, of course stayed out of the Facebook debates this time because I really can't stand people thinking ill of me.). Those who didn't support the change tried their hardest not to step on toes and find the nicest Bible verses they could, the mellowest philosophical arguments, and almost apologized before they even began talking ("I just want you to know I love and support you, but this is what I think..."). What I can glean from this interaction is this: those in support of a change wanted others to rise up to the occasion and give them a good, decent, understandable answer about why marriage shouldn't be between any two caring individuals, and those not supporting the change wanted a straight answer themselves and, not only that, but a way in which to really live out that answer in love. In other words, a way to speak Truth and act in Truth regarding marriage, because they were confused on how to do either.
Perhaps it's not the fault of those in opposition to change that they're starting at a loss of how to defend marriage...it's already at a disadvantage to begin with. Increased divorce rates, prenups presupposing divorce, people putting off marriage in order to not deal with divorce in the first place, the separation of sex from marriage, children from sex, and therefore children from marriage...it's all a mess. Add this issue of whether marriage is for a man and a woman in on top of things and some people are bound to throw up their hands and say it's gone to heck anyways, why not! Marriage obviously has no power over people, why not let people who will actually be committed make something out of it?
I'm not going to just restate all the theological and philosophical reasons that the Church has, as there are many, and if you are reading this and really do want some sources and more information I can certainly pass that on. Instead, I just want to say that the Church has stood by her position not to withhold something good, but to recognize Truth and offer something even better. The way Christians can witness to the Truth of the Church on marriage is by living it out....rescuing marriage from the mire of adultery and callousness, loving those with tendencies different from our own, recognizing inherent human dignity, holding everyone up to a standard of chastity and fidelity...these are only some of the ways we can witness by our actions the truth of the goodness of God's plan for marriage. The world may not understand the reasons we state, but if it sees how we act out our beliefs it may be more open. Right now our treatment of family and friends who identify themselves as anything along the lines of LGBTQIA is especially the strongest witness, and those are the interactions that everyone in support of a change in the definition of marriage are eying. Hatred, denial, and babying are unacceptable attitudes of a Christian. We must love, we must accept, and we must challenge. We must love them, not in spite of, but because of, who they are. I do not like to say I have gay friends, as I would not like them to say they have a straight friend...rather, I have friends who identify themselves as gay, but they are so much more than their sexuality. Their identity is as a child of God. We must accept them as children of God. And we must challenge them to live as children of God in chastity and humble obedience, which will challenge us in return to do the same. "Why do you notice the splinter in your brother’s eye, but do not perceive the wooden beam in your own eye?"--Matthew 7:3.
I want people to know the Truth.
And the Truth will set us free.
Monday, April 1, 2013
Picture/news item of the day XXVI
After spending the day with kiddos hyped up on sugar yesterday and parents pleading for no more to be given to them, I thought this was a timely article: Let's bring the holidays down a notch. And yet it's not even quite right. The way in which the world celebrates the holidays needs to be ended: kaput, sayonara, adios, go climb a tree and stay there. The world has celebration and feasting all wrong! Feast days do not mean gorging as if there will not be enough to last. Feasting recognizes the vastness that has been given that we do not deserve, and delving into infinity with one another. Marc Barnes again nails it on the head with his latest: Ritual, Evidence of Eternity. What the world offers is its attempt at copying what the Church does, and thus it falls short. May you experience the Divine in a whole new way this Easter season!
Monday, March 25, 2013
Moving on
"You've grown so much while you've been here."
These were some of Sister Amy's parting words to me. Tonight was my last night of work at the Little Sisters of the Poor.
There were a bunch of reasons that stopping work now before graduation was the best for me. Mostly it was because I want to focus on being at school, with friends, for my last month of school. Also, I work every other weekend, but 2 weekends from now I have a wedding to attend, and 2 weekends after that I have another wedding, so I'd be rescheduling for the entire month of April anyways.
I have to confess, though, that also slightly, I was tired. In a year and four months I have learned the type of strength it takes to stick with being a CNA, and truthfully, I'm not sure I have that type of strength in me. One of those things where if you could have the people aspect alone without the being away from home and working on holidays it would be the best job in the world. If the Little Sisters and my family were in the same vicinity, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But the homesickness I've linked to working at the nursing home just made the job so much more difficult.
Going back to Sister Amy's words...as nice as they were, I'm having a hard time believing them. If anything, since working at the Sisters, I've learned more of my weaknesses, but I'm not sure if I've improved upon them. Maybe I'm just good at fooling people. I remember one time in particular, while working a day shift in the middle of the summer, at the peak of my homesickness, a couple of the CNAs and I were talking at the nurse's station, and they mentioned they liked working with me because I was peaceful and calm. At that point in my life, I was anything but peaceful and calm internally. On the inside, I was screaming that I just wanted to be home.
I've been looking forward to my last day for some time now. But after work, as I was driving back to my on-campus house, all I could think of were "my residents". That's what I call them now. The ones who said the sweetest goodbyes to me this weekend. The one's who still don't know my name and only recognize me as the little girl who comes to visit them sometimes. The ones who passed away, the ones I was close to and learned their habits so well that I can still imagine them at their old places at their tables and their voices and the things they would say...but they're no longer here. I was especially thinking about one of the residents I was closest with who passed away this week. She just joked around so easily. She was tall and lanky. Always tried to share a piece of bread. Had a very specific place on her walker to keep her glasses. I guess tonight was my night to mourn her. I learned how to mourn for residents that passed away. Not many college students have jobs that require that job skill...learning to say goodbye. There comes a point where it's finally ok to let go, and I've been blessed to see people come to that point and go on beyond this life to the next. I think that was my parting lesson in a small sense.
These were some of Sister Amy's parting words to me. Tonight was my last night of work at the Little Sisters of the Poor.
There were a bunch of reasons that stopping work now before graduation was the best for me. Mostly it was because I want to focus on being at school, with friends, for my last month of school. Also, I work every other weekend, but 2 weekends from now I have a wedding to attend, and 2 weekends after that I have another wedding, so I'd be rescheduling for the entire month of April anyways.
I have to confess, though, that also slightly, I was tired. In a year and four months I have learned the type of strength it takes to stick with being a CNA, and truthfully, I'm not sure I have that type of strength in me. One of those things where if you could have the people aspect alone without the being away from home and working on holidays it would be the best job in the world. If the Little Sisters and my family were in the same vicinity, it wouldn't be that big of a deal. But the homesickness I've linked to working at the nursing home just made the job so much more difficult.
Going back to Sister Amy's words...as nice as they were, I'm having a hard time believing them. If anything, since working at the Sisters, I've learned more of my weaknesses, but I'm not sure if I've improved upon them. Maybe I'm just good at fooling people. I remember one time in particular, while working a day shift in the middle of the summer, at the peak of my homesickness, a couple of the CNAs and I were talking at the nurse's station, and they mentioned they liked working with me because I was peaceful and calm. At that point in my life, I was anything but peaceful and calm internally. On the inside, I was screaming that I just wanted to be home.
I've been looking forward to my last day for some time now. But after work, as I was driving back to my on-campus house, all I could think of were "my residents". That's what I call them now. The ones who said the sweetest goodbyes to me this weekend. The one's who still don't know my name and only recognize me as the little girl who comes to visit them sometimes. The ones who passed away, the ones I was close to and learned their habits so well that I can still imagine them at their old places at their tables and their voices and the things they would say...but they're no longer here. I was especially thinking about one of the residents I was closest with who passed away this week. She just joked around so easily. She was tall and lanky. Always tried to share a piece of bread. Had a very specific place on her walker to keep her glasses. I guess tonight was my night to mourn her. I learned how to mourn for residents that passed away. Not many college students have jobs that require that job skill...learning to say goodbye. There comes a point where it's finally ok to let go, and I've been blessed to see people come to that point and go on beyond this life to the next. I think that was my parting lesson in a small sense.
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