See, I Make All Things New: Lessons on Mary XII

I love Christmas, I really do. Despite my growing frustrations with the winter months, Christmas continues to be my favorite holiday. Whether because of my temperament or past events, though, Christmas tends to have a lonely feeling for me. Particularly during college when I was working over the holidays and had to be away from family and friends, Christmas became an event of saying goodbye rather than being able to be with the people that I loved.

Today I felt that same type of sadness. We left GP to come back to KC. I have realized over the past few years that both my mom and I have very tender hearts when it comes to having to say goodbye. And over the course of the day I found out about the passings of some individuals who have been battling health issues over the Christmas holidays. We can usually expect to hear about engagements over the holidays, and look forward to "Christmas babies," but hearing about people passing away over what is supposed to be a warm, comfy holiday makes my heart ache so much for their family and friends.

In the movie The Passion of the Christ, there is a scene which is an oasis in the midst of the abuses heaped on Jesus, in which He is able to connect with His Mother, and He tells her, "See, I make all things new." And how Mary trusted in her Son to make good on His promise!

We have been blessed with mystics who have given accounts of visions of Mary's life, even after her Son's passing and rising. She ministered to those around her, and was even able to encounter Him again in the intimacy of the Holy Eucharist. Can you imagine, based on the faith of Mary, how overwhelmingly comforted she must have been to be so united with him again, as she was when she carried Him in her womb?

As I was reflecting on the sadness which touches the Christmas holiday for me this evening, I was suddenly comforted by the personal encounter I was able to cherish with my husband. Sitting in Denny's staring across at him over a table of warm food and hot chocolate, I knew that there was no need to dwell in it alone. And so Mary teaches us that our encounters with sadness are never absolute, for her Son has defeated death by his own and breaks into our presence in the gentlest of appearances, under the forms of bread and wine. Let us run, like Mary, to our Eucharistic Lord and adore Him who has blessed us with His ever-present love.

Mary, Tabernacle of the Lord, pray for us!

Looking forward

Out my window: Dark and cooling down from the unseasonably warm weather last weekend

Clothing myself in: khakis and a pink sweater

Around the apartment: I'm grateful that, even in this apartment, I'm able to find spots to decorate for Advent/Christmas. I'm sorting out our families' gifts by our tree right now.

The hubby: and I went to the midnight premier of Star Wars last night. I worked, went Christmas shopping, and took a nap yesterday, and had our preschool's Christmas program last night. I didn't nap between the program and the movie, which was probably a poor choice because I was sleep-deprived-angry while waiting in the lobby to get into the movie. People talk about being "hangry" when they haven't had food and it starts to affect their mood...I experienced the same thing on the tired side of things and I feel sorry for my husband. Anywho, went to bed about 3:15am and got back up at 6:00am for work. After work I remembered I had a Christmas staff party at the parish I am going to begin working at in January, and felt I should really go to meet more people, so I did not lay down today until 2:30pm. Oooftah.
 
In the kitchen: with so much traveling and random life events, nice suppers have been sporadic. Tomorrow I will be making some chicken enchiladas.

Crafting: I totally count the presents I am putting together for family members. I'm at a stage with my present project where I am not sure whether it's really cool or kinda lame, so I will wait to share and pass judgment till after Christmas on this blog (and, of course, because of the family that will read this post :-) ).

Learning: I walked briefly through the Nelson Atkins yesterday while running errands. I always am taken back by how stunning the place is, despite going at least once a year while in college. I really want to go on a completely free day by myself and go at my own pace through the museum. I've usually gone with others, but I think it would be fun to just slowly take it all in.

Reading: Fulton J. Sheen, Mary's Song, I hope to finally start Sonnets from the Portugese after I wrap up Sheen within the next couple of days.

Watching: I've been trying to watch some movies that have been hanging out in my Netflix playlist for a while. Marie's Story was absolutely beautiful. If you have access to Netflix I highly recommend it. I've been trying to watch some classic moves also, especially Frank Sinatra/Bing Crosby/Cary Grant movies. There's something about some of the older movies that I just don't "get" though, and that's the random musical numbers that have NOTHING to do with the main plot, absolutely disconnected. As if they needed a time filler to get the movie to go as long as they wanted it to go. Most of the time the random numbers just aren't enjoyable or, in my opinion, even well done. It's strange. Daddy Long Legs had a couple numbers in it that were just bizarre. Matt and I have gotten through the first couple of episodes of Downton Season 5. Ack, Lady Mary kills me. I miss Lady Sybil. And I want everybody to accept Tom for who he is. That is all. The actress who portrays Lady Mary, Michelle Dockery, just lost her fiance, so keep her in prayer.
  
Bringing me joy: Recently somebody was visiting my preschool room and one of my littles got nervous at the new presence and came to me and held onto my leg...somedays I feel like it's all I can do to get them to listen and not lose my patience, so to see that they still trust me and understand that I'm on their side was heartwarming. They really are dear, and I will miss them when I start my new position. A dear friend had her wedding last weekend, and it was beautiful to see her enter the sacrament and to be with a couple of lovely college friends, one of whom opened up her and her parents' house for us to stay at over the weekend. St. Louis always has a special place in my heart.

Thinking about: New job about to begin! I'm excited by the new opportunity, but also scared that I will let people down and/or stretch myself too thin. A lot of the next couple months will be just observing how things are going and getting to know the parish and relationships. That's one thing I'm learning as I am entering into these positions: understanding existing dynamics  and politics is crucial.

Pictures to share:

Wedding flowers!

The beautiful bride and me

Having fun at the reception

Blessed Adolph Kolping

I was not familiar in the least with this saint, and found his story to be so cool! Here's the top 3 things I learned, according to American Catholic:

https://theblackcordelias.wordpress.com/2009/12/04/blessed-adolph-kolping-december-4/

1. Adolph served young working men in the Industrial Age who were moving to the cities and in danger of losing their faith.

2. This society that formed from these men, now called the Kolping society, now includes 450,000 in 54 countries!

3. Kolping was beatified in 1991, the 100th anniversary of the encyclical Rerum Novarum.

Recovering from Thanksgiving

Out my window: So much rain!

Clothing myself in: jeans, a hoodie, scarf

Around the apartment: We just got back from Wichita last night, so a little disaster-ish.

The hubby: has the day off, so he's enjoying his relaxation time.
 
In the kitchen: today will be a planning day most likely, but luckily I thought ahead and have some quick meals to make while we recover from our travels.

Crafting: Pass!

Learning: I had the opportunity to teach a bioethics course at the Regan Institute. It was the first test of my knowledge post-graduation. They do say that if you truly know your stuff, then you should be able to teach it. I really think I need an educator to help me put my presentation together, if I end up doing that again. I tried to organize it the best I could, but I know it was reading-intensive the first day. I think the outline of the course was decent overall though, and there was some good discussion. And it was fun hanging out with all of my in-laws!

Reading: Fulton J. Sheen, Mary's Song

Watching: not much at the moment, but I do need to watch last year's season of Downton that Matt has for me on iTunes. At some point I will be brave enough to attempt Dr. Who.
  
Bringing me joy: getting to schedule lots of friend dates in Wichita since I was home for an extra three days...easy going kiddos the first morning back after Thanksgiving break...good conversations and family time during my week home

Thinking about: our whole car situation (if you didn't know, we're down to one car after an accident the week before Thanksgiving...I tried to take a lot of time over Thanksgiving week to be grateful for our situation, because we still had one car to help us get through, we have jobs to get us through the tough times, we have gracious family willing to lend us a vehicle while we figure out our next steps, we have other family up here helping with storing our injured car...it really is about the best worst situation we could find ourselves in)...our family's big change as my brother heads overseas again soon...hoping for a better second interview tomorrow

Pictures to share:

Surreal teaching in a classroom in Carroll. Was never in this room, but I remember hearing the shenanigans in it from the next room over :-)

Courtesy: Quote of the Day XXXVIII

A two for one for you :-). Two excerpts from an excerpt of "The Power of Love" in From the Angel's Blackboard: The Best of Fulton J. Sheen. The first is a verse that he quotes from Hilaire Belloc

"Of Courtesy, it is much less
Than Courage of Heart or Holiness,
Yet in my walks it seems to me
That the Grace of God is in Courtesy."

"Courtesy and good manners are the crowning beauty of consecrated conduct..."

When sleep gets off, life gets wacky

This weekend I came down with a head cold. On Saturday morning I was awake at 3:30am with sinus pressure. I took a two-ish hour nap. On Sunday morning I was awake at 3:30am again, this time because I couldn't get comfortable temperature-wise. I took a four-ish hour nap. Last night was the worst. I was asleep by 10:30ish...and wide awake at 12:30am. I tried to just stay in bed, but also know from reading about good sleep that if you can't sleep in bed, to get up so that your body recognizes bed is for sleep only. So that's what I did about 2am...I warmed up some milk, prayed one more rosary on the couch, and did the following reading: finished Letters to a Young Bride (THANK YOU Every Day is a Gift...I will be passing on the book soon/getting a copy for a friend getting married...I seriously loved the book.), read one more chapter of Mary's Song: Living Her Timeless Prayer (This is one of the first books I read that helped me develop my relationship with Mary, and it has been such a gift to revisit it...highly recommend it :-) ), and a couple more sections of From the Angel's Blackboard: The Best of Fulton J. Sheen (another reread, just love his insights). And I journaled. And now it's a quarter till five, and I am STILL wide awake. At least I got some good reflective prayer time in.

My conundrum is the rest of the day. Should I get coffee this morning? I really don't want to keep messing up my sleep schedule, and if I get tired and take another long nap then I feel like I would continue the vicious cycle. And I don't want to be a cranky pants with the babies this morning. But coffee has always been more of a treat for me than anything, and I don't want to be dependent on it, and I'm also taking some meds right now that I need to stay hydrated with, and caffeine obviously works against that. Blurg.

What did I make?!

(Two posts in two days. Do y'all feel special?)

Matt has had a can of beans since from before we were married. That is, someone he lived with before had the can of beans, and either forgot them or didn't want them, and they were left in our stock of food. Matt does not like beans, or at least only likes them in very specific ways that I have not yet discovered. I've been turning a blind eye to them and just kind of denying their existence, because there's probably nothing I could make from them that he would like, and frankly I'm not much of a bean person myself, and even though I *have* tried refried beans as an adult, it's still a weird texture to me and I just can't get myself to like them.

But then I was sorting through our cans recently and the beans were there. "What do I even do with you?"

In my determination to not let food go to waste and figure out what to do with those darn beans, I resorted to Pinterest to help me in my endeavor. And you know what I came across? Bean desserts! Have any of you seen/heard of this, or even done this yourself?! Yes, people make cookies, brownies, and fudge out of their beans! So, this I determined would be the perfect way to disguise the beans...sugar!!!

However, even those recipes assume you are a health nut.

This is the recipe with which I worked: No Bake Black Bean Fudge Brownies

Almond butter...
Coconut palm sugar...
Coconut flour...
Dairy free milk...
Dairy free chocolate chips and paleo white chocolate chips?!

I have none of the above. I am no hippie. Not that I eat super unhealthy, but I have my healthy things that I like that are available at your everyday, Joe Schmo grocery store, and while some of these may be there, they are not on our weekly list, and quite possibly out of my price range.

Ergo, I made a probably much unhealthier version...
Mix of peanut butter and nutella (I would've used all peanut butter, but I only had 1/4 cup in my jar.)
Regular granulated sugar
Regular all-purpose flour
2% milk (it only calls for the milk if you think that your mixture is too thick at the end, which I did, so I honestly just used a splash)
Regular chocolate chips and mini marshmallows for toppings

I'm actually taste-testing as I type. My thoughts:

• Definitely chocolate-y enough to cover up any residual bean flavor. I think if Matt were to try them, and I didn't tell him they were in here/he didn't read this post, he probably wouldn't realize. I can feel/taste some of the bean skins that didn't get as pulsed/blended in the food processor, but oh well.
• That being said, it's very loosey-goosey and not very well set up. I don't know if that has to do with my switch of most of the ingredients or not, but it's not nearly as pretty/firm as the picture appears in the original picture. After I cut this piece, I put the rest in the freezer...maybe that will help? This had been in the refrigerator for 25 minutes already, so I don't know...
• I'm sure the original would probably make you feel good and healthy about yourself. This is sugar with a bit of a protein boost, sooo...take that how you will. I really just wanted to use up those beans, people.
• Overall Rating with factors of Deliciousness, Presentability, and Easiness: 2.7/5 stars

Luke 6:12-16: Daily Gospel XXV

As Catholics, we have a very relational prayer life. Prayer often arises out of relational issues. I relate with saints that I think can grasp my situations. I ask others to pray for me, though perhaps not as often as I should. Most of all, prayer is to and for a relational God.

Therefore, it should not surprise us, in today's Gospel, that Jesus' prayer through the night ends up being about people and relationships...specifically about forming His Twelve Apostles. Nights when I've prayed hard and long are often about the stuff of relationships. Jesus prayed all night, and we imagine that the communication between Him and His Father will have epic consequences...and it results in the choosing of twelve men to be Jesus' earthly friends. At first it seems such a simple thing to follow such a long prayer time, but as Catholics, we do recognize the extraordinary results of Jesus' night long prayer: a relational Church founded on the relations of twelve men to Jesus Christ.

Relationship is the stuff of prayer because it is the stuff of our Church and of our faith. If we want outstanding relationships in our lives, then we should pray for them as Jesus did: intentionally, lovingly, and knowing that the end goal is beatitude together in Heaven.

Catching up after a long day

Out my window: Dark. Cooler. I need to clean the leaves out of our patio.

Clothing myself in: jeans, a tee, and a hoodie.

Around the apartment: Mostly clean, I need to clear the table and desk of random mail and papers...story of my life.

The hubby: Was not feeling too well the past couple of days...boo!
 
In the kitchen: I got some pork loins on an AWESOME sale, and made brown sugar and dijon glazed loins. They're a bit too tough for what I care for, but the taste is good. On the menu for this next week are stromboli, cheesy BBQ biscuit casserole, and healthy sweet and sour chicken...except honestly from the recipe I don't know what's supposed to be particularly healthy about it, other than it doesn't seem to be overly fried or anything...Matt doesn't care for bell pepper or onion, so I'm going to put some pineapple chunks in instead.

Crafting: *sigh* nothing much lately. After my crazy insane Downton Abbey puzzle, I'm taking a break from jigsaws. My mom came up to visit last week and while perusing an antique store I came across some big flat candle holders that are PERFECT for our big 3" pillar Advent candles. I've been looking for holders so that they don't sit right on the table. I'm going to find some rods to stick through the holders into the bottom of the candles to lend some support...hopefully it'll make our Advent wreath much more elegant/finished looking.

Learning: that I really truly hit my peak energy of the day around 2-3pm, and instead of feeling guilty about it I should just roll with it and fit as much in at that time as I can. I know of morning people, I'm aware of night owls, but I don't have much experience with people who hit their peak energy mid-afternoon. Anyone? It's just frustrating to me because by the time I'm ready to start doing things with my day, that's also when I need to think about putting supper together, so I don't end up getting much done in that way.

Reading: my book of excerpts from Fulton J. Sheen. I forgot what an easy read it is.

Watching: Once Upon a Time season 4...Netflix Veggie Tales (don't judge me...I need some light watching...except I'm not terribly impressed with the Netflix version, it just doesn't seem as genuine as older Veggie Tales)
  
Bringing me joy: good conversations with a friend I hadn't seen in a couple of months, learning the Seven Sorrows chaplet, good quality shaving cream

Thinking about: how to implement change in routine successfully, the difference between spiritual warfare and situational depression,  how little one year olds can fit so much banana into their tiny little mouths

Pictures to share:

This was my crazy 1000 piece puzzle. You probably can't tell, but much of the background was very blended and blurry, so it took quite a while.

I was excited by the curl/wave I got from my braided hair the day before.

Casting cares on God: Song recommendation XXXV

Oy. These past two to three weeks have been rough. A rough second interview left my self-confidence crushed, and it really just affected many other parts of life. I was running some errands one day and this song came on the radio, which is funny because lately I haven't been in the mood for music in the car so my radio is usually off. I don't recall why I had my radio on that particular day, but I'm glad it was. This isn't even a very new song, but it was like I was hearing the words for the first time, and it was just a bright spark of hope.

P.S. Please keep me in your prayers early next week :-)

On testimony, privacy, humility, God's mercy and Theology of the Body

That title makes this sound like a grab-bag of a post. I will try to not let it wander too much and try to keep it all together. However, this has been in my head for the better part of the month, so I don't know if I'll remember all the thoughts I had that tied it all together cohesively.

This goes back to a couple of recent news stories. The first was the scandal surrounding Josh Duggar, first of his teen issues and then the more recent cheating problem. Then there was that surrounding Sam Rader, of the Christian vlogging couple Sam and Nia, who also had an Ashley Madison account, though he did not use it. Josh Duggar, the more well known of the two, became so mired in his problems that he has now committed to rehab. Sam Rader, whose video of him showing his wife a positive pregnancy test went viral, is currently taking a break from vlogging, following their miscarriage, the scandal, and a rough encounter at a recent vlogging conference.

Scandal. Such a hard, nasty word. One of which I've never been quite fond. I remember in high school and being worried about giving scandal with ANY type of PDA between my boyfriend and me to younger girls in school. Perhaps a little large smidge of that was guilt over knowing I was not supposed to be steady dating according to my parents' wishes, but was anyways, but also I just keenly knew at the time, being involved in Liturgy Club, Handmaids of Mary, etc., that a lot of young women looked up to me and I had an example to set. The thought of causing another to sin, or even think it was ok, was a horrifying thought to me.

For years I kept my testimony to myself. My testimony involved my previous relationship, and how going through that struggle of letting go, discovering God's plan for me, and the awesome people who ministered to me in that time. I still found it hard to divulge that information, even to people who did not know me in high school. It takes much humility to give a testimony of who we once were, and how Christ entered our lives.

I can only imagine how much more difficult it is for someone in the public eye. Enter the bigger names I mentioned previously. The Duggars are well known for their more fundamentalist beliefs, and many of them seem focused on how relationships should go. The Raders are also well known on YouTube for holding strong Christian views on life. Though there are many differences between the Duggars and Raders, the media grabs onto a few similarities in the midst of this: (A) they are Christians, (B) they oppose homosexual marriage, and (C) they have been viewed as being models for how to live a Christian life.

I'll start with (C). As I said before, I have been in a position where I understood I was an upperclassman with people looking up to me and how I behaved. These two groups of people are in situations where this is much more the case. Which brings me to my thoughts on divulging our testimonies versus having privacy. It takes time for a person to create enough time and emotional distance between one's previous sins and the people we now want and choose to be. Many people who have commented on the Duggar scandals point out that (1) the Duggars have held themselves up to be models, (2) that the Duggars should have come clean in the first place, and (3) that by putting themselves on a show that they in a sense gave up their rights to privacy. But have they? Their show was centered on how it was possible to have 19 kids and how they lived out their lives to make it possible and even beneficial. Their show was not meant to be a tell-all about their darkest secrets; it was to make a pointed message, and that is what they achieved. Perhaps they should have been more prepared to do damage control in the case that their private lives were dug up into the open, but they were under no obligation to the general public to spill every detail of their struggles. As for (B). The scandals of these Christians does not make the Christian stance on marriage less true. If anything, it emphasizes that divorce, cheating, and lust are the root causes of all of the marriage mess that is going on in society today. It is possible to sin and still have a moral stance. But the media does not like it that way. Ack. So much on this one point alone. And then (A). The mere fact that they are Christians. Notice how only these two really stuck out in any big media stories? I hardly heard of anyone else involved. In comes my point on God's mercy. What I find most interesting in the media response to the scandals is not so much on how they treat the husbands who were unfaithful, but how the wives' response of fidelity and forgiveness were treated. These news stories more than any others showed me how much the media is willing and ready to rip to shreds the idea that God could possibly forgive these horrible abuses and mistreatments. How could He? These husbands saying they are forgiven by God is just a cover up and them allowing themselves to get away with immoral behavior...so said the media. These wives have every right to leave...so said the media. These men are monsters who are unfaithful, untrue, hypocrites, bigots, etc...so said the media. The cross is folly. We ought not be surprised that the media is so narrow minded because the cross will always be a stumbling block for those of the world. Though I have different views on forgiveness that involve the sacrament of confession than these two groups of people, and I can see how these scandals coming to light is a manifestation of how sin injures our relationship between both God and men--all other men, not just the people in our lives--it is clear that they are striving, in different ways, to discover their path to Christ.

Through it all, especially in the case of the repeated scandals of Josh Duggar, I wanted to badly to introduce Theology of the Body into their lives. It was especially clear in his case that, based on his upbringing and his continued spoken views while he was with the Family Research Council, and then even through his deeds that have come to light, that his view on the meaning and purpose of the body, especially that of women, is sorely lacking in truth. I pray that his rehab might somehow bring him and his family to healing. In the case of the Raders, Sam publicly stated that his desires were "fleshly" and that he now holds himself accountable to a discipleship partner and his church, which I think is fantastic. I can really see how they have and continue to work on their marriage, putting it first before anything else, which is inspiring. I highly encourage you to check out their channel and scroll through their videos.

I hope even some of that made sense. Though much of the media storm in both situations has blown over, both have still been heavily on my heart.

 

Watch the whole video, but especially about 9:42...so poignant and beautiful. 

 PS: I knew I would have thoughts to add or to amend after I wrote this post. Just so we're clear, when I say on point (B) that I agree about their points on same-sex marriage, I mean that in the light of Church teaching...not on fundamentalist belief. That is, they are loved and cherished, they are called to a very special, unique vocation in the Church, they are beautiful people, I have much to learn from them, and that Theology of the Body, again, has much to say in this arena. Also, that same-sex friendships are HIGHLY sexualized in today's culture, and that itself is a problem fueling this issue, and so we should cultivate a better understanding of affection. (Sorry, I think that last sentence was a separate tangent.) Not fundamentalist belief of doom and gloom for the non-elect/those who don't agree with them.

Pro-life feature XII: Everyday gestures

Often when thinking of this feature, I try to find what front-line advocates are doing, or articles, but I think it's good to keep in mind how to be pro-life every day. Here are my top 5 suggestions:

1. It's typical to have baby showers for the first child, but after a 2nd, 3rd, 4th, etc., that just isn't as common. If you know someone who is having their next child, prepare a frozen dish for them to have on hand for after baby is born. One tiny less thing they won't have to worry about!

2. If someone makes a comment that tends toward an anti-life position, instead of jumping into apologetics mode, simply put on an attitude of love, and maybe make a comment to counteract that statement.

3. Sometimes we are overwhelmed by the amount of topics in apologetics. It can be helpful to make a top 5 or 10 list of the most common arguments you hear, and then read/listen to your favorite commentators on how they respond to those arguments. That way the next time you are confronted, you'll have something on mind to respond with rather than drawing a blank.

4. Spiritual adoption. You can ask for prayers for a specific person in need, or ask the Spirit to use your prayers where they are most needed.

5. Sometimes we don't have time to volunteer at care clinics or shelters. If you are pulled every other direction in life, it's ok! I try to offer my chores for different intentions. When doing laundry, I try to think of Mary doing the laundry, and pray that she accept my sacrifices for priests, or you can of course offer for the unborn.

What are your favorite ways to be pro-life in ordinary ways?

Into the Hobbit Hole

Out my window: cooler weather. It was really sudden for me last week. I tried to take my littles outside as usual for free play, but after about five minutes I just couldn't stand it any more, and took them inside to our indoor tumble room. I really just started wearing shorts this summer during the last week of June, and now am wearing jeans again already. What?

Clothing myself in: jeans and a tee. It's Monday, people...

Around the apartment: Just cleaned up from our graduation party/belated birthday party this past weekend! I spent my first full week out of school cleaning a different room each day. I even took time to take pictures since it's so immaculately clean at the moment, which I will share at the bottom.

The hubby: is now a whole quarter of a century old! I think he's de-stressing from me being out of school almost as much as I am haha.

In the kitchen: I'm finally getting back on a regular schedule, post-finals craziness. This past week we had steaks with boxed mac&cheese, chicken and dumpling soup, and I'll be doing a salmon dish in the next couple of days.

Crafting: I'm contemplating/readying myself to make some homemade curtains. Possibly using this design for drapes, pending hubby's approval. I just really want them to be our own besides looking classy, at least while we're in an apartment...I'll feel better about investing in quality curtains when we're in a house someday. Also, I'm working on re-visiting my hobbies. Just allowing myself to have structured, real free time. Last week I did a little genealogy, wrote a letter, worked on a jigsaw puzzle, and did reading...for fun.

Learning: taking a nice looooooong break from any structured learning...though I'm sure I will incorporate little life lessons and what I take away from leisurely reading into this category eventually.

Reading: I started on the book Joshua. My mom and I rented the movie years ago, and I don't remember being super impressed, and the book is...okay. I obviously have a problem with the thought of the author that all Christian sects are essentially equal.

Watching:  Still making my way through the Twilight Zone, though I AM nearing the end, along with Phineas and Ferb. I've also started on the one season of Pioneer Woman that's on Netflix, and a short series on How States Got Their Shapes, which is pretty interesting. I'm super excited for the next season of Once Upon a Time to make its way onto Netflix, and the latest season of Downton Abbey is waiting for me in iTunes. Besides that, I watch the occasional documentary, or 50s/60s film, or drama/chick flick.
 
Bringing me joy: free time...allowing myself to savor this free time, work on my prayer life, engage in restful recreation

Thinking about: The job search...oh the job search...changes in friends from high school...the very sad news recently about the Ashley Madison account holders, especially as the media has a field day with the Christians that had accounts...I may be posting a rant my thoughts soon, it's been on my mind a lot...

Pictures to share: Yay, I actually have pictures for you!

The kitchen. Awesome differences from last apartment: the open concept and more open counter space, a split sink, as well as the baker's rack (thank you, Mom V.!)...Downside: some smaller cabinets, a smaller dining area

Living room. Awesomeness: the paint is so much lighter, and I love love love the big window/sliding door. Downside: slightly smaller, but that's ok, because it's still the same layout really as our last apartment. Also, as you may notice, we have put my desk in this room so that I can be working at it by the window for extra sunlight :-)

Bathroom. Awesomeness: nice big counter, I like the storage under the mirror as well. Downside: the washer/dryer is actually behind this door, so to get out laundry involves a lot of moving around the doorway.

Our bedroom. Awesomeness: super large, lots of room. My closet is super huge, and this room actually has a second closet, so Matt and I each get our own. And my closet has nearly full-length mirrors on its doors, which is wonderful. Downside: really can't think of one...

The office: Awesomeness: Matt still has an office, and it still comes in handy for letting other people stay with us. We did get rid of our big bookshelf and have my books in here on a couple smaller shelves for now. Downside: significantly smaller than our last extra bedroom, however, it still serves its purpose.

Something I'm super proud of on our porch...my little plants! I used some old coffee cups that I was slightly still attached to, and put some hardy plants in. I've hardly watered these besides the rains, and they're still surviving! Woot! Overall, our porch is awesome, I really like that it's cement rather than all wood...no silly wasps/carpenter bees hanging around constantly.

Mysterious tiny closet under our stairwell (I'm literally outside our door in this shot). This tiny door is about half my size. What could it be used for? Storage? But it's so small... Ergo, I've decided it's a hobbit door :-)

Oral Comps

Excuse me while I bounce off some walls...

I PASSED!

Monday was exactly 4 weeks since my written comps, and I was getting pretty desperate. I have had the hardest time studying for orals because I didn't even know if I'd be taking them yet! And then, voila, Monday evening I got the email that I passed written, and to schedule my orals with my two examiners. Then, all week, I was still mentally blocked on studying, but because I was so stressed that it was finally happening! I finally escaped to the library yesterday to seclude myself for a few hours.

Written comps were based entirely on field of study (bioethics) while oral was to be a mix of field of study and general theology, divided into sections of Church history, dogmatic theology, moral theology, and Sacred Scripture, touching on all of the core classes that we have taken besides our electives. It was so. much. I think all in all I have about 200-250 notecards of the individual topics we were given to study. Yeah.

Today has felt surreal. I didn't have nearly the amount of stress from written, purely due to how surreal it was that it was finally here. I felt like I knew nothing, and had kind of resigned myself to that. My conference call was at 2pm. It was rough, but in spots I wasn't sure on I reasoned through and talked through it.

I still have a final to take online and a paper over a final project to write, but I'm done. I'm graduating, y'all. Is this real life?

Written Comps

Y'all, I just sent off my written comps. Our parish priest proctored my test and emailed it in.

I can't even right now. I think I've cried the majority of the past 7 days, either from worrying over my tests or worrying over not being a good wife this whole time or just from plain worry and exhaustion over worrying.

And now to keep worrying until I hear back. So that's fun.

Sometimes being naturally melancholic is the worst.

I think I'm going to go drink a glass of wine.

Etsy and Pinterest Comparison: Homework Assignment for Week 10

(Dear Readers: I really do promise I'm still here. Comps around the corner, still organizing the apartment...I'm a bit busy these days ;-) here's another homework assignment for ya!)

As a big Pinterest fan, I already mostly understood how Pinterest operates, so I spent most of my time for this assignment looking through Etsy to get a feel for how it works. Both Etsy and Pinterest offer their users the opportunity to search for products and inspiration by interests and categories. While Pinterest leads you away to different websites once you click on pins that are of interest, and also includes pins that are not about items for sale, Etsy is itself a marketplace, mostly for small shops and homemade items. Therefore, while Pinterest might end up showing more brand-name items, Etsy is primarily for smaller vendors. However, Etsy is a one-stop shop while Pinterest merely organizes items of interest into its website, so you must then navigate away to the separate websites to purchase items. If this kind of format were to be used as an evangelization tool, one could organize such a Catholic website into the different types of big topics (Sacraments, marriage teachings, canon law, etc.) and thus utilize and organize Catholic links from around the web into one database. This could help people who want to search for a particular topic, but are overwhelmed by the variety of answers available in a common web-search.

Defense of the Catholic Christian Faith: Homework Assignment for Week 7

(Dear readers: a perk of my Theology of Social Media course is that I can use my blog for assignments. Sweet action. This is a one-paragraph defense of the Catholic Christian faith. Here goes!)

We abide in a fast-pace, ever-changing world. Ever racier topics become mainstream news. What is the glue that holds it all together? Humanity. There is an objective nature of humanity that determines the truth and how we should react. This is reflected in the Catholic faith. The human heart recognizes the need for God and the love and mercy gifted to us from Him. The solution of the world for these needs is to gloss over and fill in with substitutes that are not the answers. The Catholic faith, however, sees through to the deepest  of human needs and fills them, both because it is made up of human members, and so is familiar with human nature, and because it is divine, and can therefore most properly respond to yearnings and deep questions. It is the Catholic Church's divinity and humanity, antiquity and newness, and its access to grace that make the Church still relevant and necessary today.

Mary and patience: Lessons on Mary XI

Ghent altarpiece, van Eyck brothers, Flanders, 1432

I wish I looked this angelic while reading.

I came across a person on Pinterest who pins lesser known artwork of Mary. Basically, I'm fascinated. There are actually quite a few similar pictures of Mary reading her prayers. Go check out "Maria bei der Verkundigung." She appears so patient and resigned. It definitely captured my attention.

This reminds me of a portion from the visions of Anne Catherine Emmerich. She talks of how the Virgin found solace in reading the Scripture, as she grew up in the Temple. How fascinating is it to think of Mary reading the Scriptures, looking forward to its promises, not realizing that many were pointing toward her!

How much patience Mary had, even in her youth, looking forward and trusting that all that God had revealed to her people would come to pass.  Let us all learn from young Mary, to trust and have patience, only to discover the greatness of God's plans.

Where fear and doubt prevail

“I have never talked about impurity. . . . But I have spoken many times, as I have to do, about chastity, purity, and the joyful affirmation of love.”--St. Josemaria Escriva

I don't know about you, but I feel like news and life events lately have been...heavy. Whether it's world news, a situation the Church is dealing with, or something going on in lives of people I know, everything seems weighty, urgent, and difficult.

I think it's turbulent times like this that sometimes open the door to new dangerous trends. The new one is the "game" that took over the internet last weekend amongst teens...using balancing pencils over a piece of paper to ask a deceased boy/demon/unknown spirit named "Charlie" to answer their question. Whether you chalk it all up to gravity, or see the eerie semblance this has to ouija boards, it's dangerous and scary...but is it surprising?

The youth are being oversaturated with negative images and all too often experience negative life events. They have questions. They want answers. This new game emphasizes a couple points:

• This is an amazing reminder that parental supervision of web browsing and internet use is essential. I think it is all too common for parents to throw up their hands at pop culture and think that they can't keep up with what "kids these days" are doing. But it is so important that parents do know and keep up with the latest trends, no matter how fast they move, so that they know how to respond and protect their children. Even in harmless things. Remember the ice bucket challenge? It took some observant people to realize that even that had its downside of where money was being donated and for what it would be used...so many Catholics started donating money to a Catholic research group instead. We need to be aware of movements in our lives.
• We need to be willing to address children's and teen's fears, questions, and anxieties. Though questions made during such games are usually surface level fun and games, these are some ultimately deep questions: Does *such and such* like me? What will I do when you grow up? Are you here, Charlie? We need to assure our youth that their questions are valid, and that they are best taken up in prayer.
• Along the lines of addressing demons... The many wise educators in my life I think did best to not focus on satan and demons. But they did tell stories of exorcisms and spiritual activity when teaching moments arose. This new trend is such a teaching moment. One of the best articles I read on the new pencil game emphasized that satan is boring. Jesus Christ is dynamic and exciting. While stories of spirits and exorcisms can be wisely used, they should not be made to be exciting or to be sought after. They should be reminders that such spirits do exist, but ultimately do not  have the power of Jesus Christ. Remember always: "We are the Easter people, and hallelujah is our song." 
• For example: I know a young priest who would use exorcism stories at TEC events as teaching tools. He did this, not to scare the candidates, but to show them the power of the spiritual life. Stories of ouija boards reappearing after being thrown away and of a lonely old lady who allowed evil spirits to possess her were used to show the power of prayer over such scary instances.
• In contrast, stories of Eucharistic miracles, incorruptible saints, and miraculous healings offer hope, protection, and peace. This is so much more needed in our lives. They address the uncertainty and scariness of our times while at the same time offering the real hope of grace received through Christ. These are the stories we need to be sharing over social media. These are the impactful spiritual occurrences that should be drawing us in, not a pencil game.

Fruitfulness

It seems like it's been ages since I wrote a life update. In reality, it's only been a month, and really not a super full month at that. We have had some events: my Goddaughter's first Communion, new (and last!) semester beginning, just today our parish had their last day of school, and this weekend we will be celebrating our first wedding anniversary! While topics have come and gone in my head about what to write on here, one has been sticking:

Fruitfulness in marriage when there are no children (yet).

All in all, I love Mother's Day. It's a good chance to dote on my loving, sweet mom, and this year was my first having a mother-in-law to send love to as well. They have both formed my husband and I into the people we are today, and I'm so grateful. Mother's Day also had an added depth this year being a new wife. Facebook this year was filled with all types of provoking articles, about motherhood itself, about mourning motherhood lost, even about the spiritual motherhood of religious sisters.

While it did not necessarily sadden me, it did leave me feeling a little out of the loop in a new way I had never felt before, and I know it was the added dimension of marriage. Truth be told, I felt some amount of "Catholic guilt." Through no person's or group's fault, there is still this expectancy for motherhood to accompany marriage, and that has not found it's way into my life yet. There is the hope that it will, but in the mean time, where is the fruit of our marriage? Married women with children get to celebrate this day, religious sisters get to celebrate, what about married women without children? Am I broken, or not contributing, in some way?

It has given me a good chance in prayer to ponder the past year of our marriage and the fruit, both spiritual and physical, that has come of it. We have given our time, talent, and treasure to the Church...fruitfulness. We have found new ways to express our love within our marriage, a new reminder of our ultimate destiny for beatitude with God...fruitfulness. We have tangibly experienced sacrifice in our daily lives, positively influenced others through our example, and witnessed to the power of Christian marriage...fruitfulness.

And so, yes, Mother's Day held new meaning for me this year. It was a reminder to pray for all the lovely women in my life raising beautiful children with their spouses. It was a reminder to pray for everyone trying to become a mother and those who have children in heaven. It was a reminder to pray for my sweet friends in formation who are spiritual mothers themselves. It was a reminder that my own marriage has been fruitful in real ways, and I am no less a "mother" in those aspects.

St. Margaret of Cortana

(Dear Readers: I am still here, I promise...just busy with beginning of the semester and some other projects. Will update soon!)

St. Margaret of Cortona:

1. At the young age of nine, she moved out of her house because life with her stepmother (her mother died when she was seven) was difficult. She entered into a relationship and bore a son.

2. After she found her lover dead in the forest, she converted...her son became a friar even!

3. She herself became a Franciscan tertiary and committed herself to serving others.

Spring has sprung!

Out my window: slightly chilly...I'm still waiting for the optimal temperature day withOUT rain...it seems like I still haven't been able to take the kiddos outside at the preschool because it's either warm but rainy or cool but sunny. I am so picky.

Clothing myself in: jeans, aqua cami, white hooded long sleeve tee, a dark-blue light-material cardigan that has seriously been my best friend this spring. And I found it for all of a few dollars at the thrift store back in the fall. Win.

Around the apartment: Doing laundry...a.k.a. living room littered with my separated clothes piles. Someday we will have a house, and I can have a laundry room with separated out baskets. Till then...I make do :-).

The hubby: Spur of the moment went with a good friend to see a 10:30pm show last night. Power to him, but I don't think I could do that on a work night haha.

In the kitchen: I've been trying harder to include Matt in meal planning. So I have started suggesting two options each for our beef, chicken, and "other meat" (sausage or seafood usually) meals for the week, out of which he picks the meals, and this past week I let him make the beef meal. I'm selectively tense and controlling about certain things in life, and since we've been dating the kitchen has become one of those things. Oh, how I lack humility. Anywho, we just completed meal planning today: on the menu are steaks and baked potato wedges, skillet basil cream chicken, and ham and cheese rolls. The rolls sound simple, but they are also covered in a yummy butter/mustard/Worcestershire sauce as they bake, and they are simply delish.

Crafting: We are going to be moving at the beginning of June. Not too far away, just to a nearby apartment complex that has some more benefits for us for several reasons. We're starting to think about packing...Matt's more into it than I am haha. But today I was looking up into the cabinet at our cups. I have some mugs from college that have ever so slight sentimental value for me, but they've just been sitting in our cabinet. This probably won't happen right away, but I was thinking of maybe using them for some small plants once we get to the new apartment, exercise my planting abilities on a small level. I haven't done much searching, but I've seen this so far: http://www.hgtvgardens.com/ask-and-share/ornamental-grasses-discussions/i-want-to-plant-some-plants-in-small-coffee-cups-what-can-i-plant-that-doesnt-need-drainage-00000143-4e44-dd6b-a963-dfcd1d4c0000. Anybody else have any thoughts?

Learning: Ugh. This is technically the last week of class of the semester, next week is finals. The impending stress has absolutely made me mentally shut. down. It's amazing how many more chores and errands I have been getting done...
Synoptic Gospels: Ending the Gospel of Luke
                Fundamental Moral Theology: My last paper is due this Saturday...*cue mental panic*. This final is going to kill me.

Reading: STA, notes

Watching:  Along the lines of procrastinating studying, I have been *shameful face* binge watching Saved by the Bell.
 
Bringing me joy: getting to meet my friend's baby...sooooo tiny! Easter in all it's glory...

Thinking about: Internal struggle between wanting to do so much for the Church, but at the same time the want/need to be paid for my contributions. I just internally start to panic and get upset at myself for going into a career field that is so narrow. I still stand by the stance that my education is important NO MATTER IF I ever did get a job in it. I believe women deserve an education no matter what. And yet...there's the and yet...school is expensive. It would be nice to know that there's something on the other end of this waiting for me.

Pictures to share:  -_-  nope. There were pics taken of holding cutie-pie baby, but my friend's mom took them on her cell and they have not been uploaded.

Oh Life...

Life.

This month has been a bit of a crazy ride. Perhaps the biggest curve ball God threw my way was that I was "let go" from my youth ministry position. I went into Father's office to give a big presentation about a fundraiser I wanted to kickstart for the youth group, and the meeting ended up being...well, not about that at all. The parish is going to go a different way to save money, as its debt is still looming. I will be finishing through the end of April with the kids. It was a good learning experience for me, and will surely aid in my future career development...I feel worse for the kids. There just aren't many opportunities for the youth in our area outside of their schools, and very little for catechesis specifically after they are done with confirmation.

I also willingly let go of my on-commission part-time job. I am no good at sales, the prospect of making phone calls drained me more than anything, and it was not contributing to us at all. I was holding on to it for job security, but even though there aren't many theology type of positions, I feel better about prospects in this city than where I was when I first started. Further, my volunteer position is on a hiatus. I may pick it up again this summer, but after a bit of a burn out from running on full steam from three part-time jobs and school and volunteer work and actual married life, I'm taking a bit of a breather from it.

So it's back to the drawing board and figuring out what I want to do. Realistically I won't take on a full-time position till I'm done with school work. The part-time position affords me the flexibility to dedicate more time to school, along with other chores and still getting a grasp on this whole marriage thing. While I will keep my ears, and heart, open to any flexible part-time positions, in the mean time I am simply letting go...or at least attempting to do so. This upcoming May/June we will hopefully be moving to a near-by apartment complex that is a bit more secure and easier to access, so I'm looking forward to having a better place to enjoy going outdoors, and picking up some of my real hobbies again. I haven't been very gracious to myself in not allowing myself to do that since graduating. I've been slowly practicing music again when I get the chance inside the churches I frequent. I'd like to pick up documenting and merging my family trees again. Christmas break gave me a taste of what reading for fun was like. I need to allow myself to develop myself in these areas.

So pray for me as life continues to work itself out. Also, my dear dear friend, for whom I helped put on the baby shower, is in labor, or possibly had the baby earlier this morning. Please throw up some prayers for her and her family that all are safe and sound.

Dare I say it? Round four...

Out my window: The 50s and 60s are in sight!  Woot!

Clothing myself in: jeans, purple top

Around the apartment: Yes, you read the title right. I was getting excited that I wouldn't be getting sick in February. I had colds in November, December, and January. Except, as I told my mom, my stomach decided that it had missed out on all the action, so it decided to have a party of its own. This particularly nasty stomach bug originated at the preschool. I haven't had a stomach bug as severe as this since probably my freshman year of college. I was pretty incapacitated...Matt came home early the day I was sick because I lost so much fluid that I was nervous of getting dehydrated and woozy. How does this regard the apartment? As with every other time I get sick, the apartment goes with. Matt does great with helping me keep up with chores when I'm down and out, but my little corner of wherever I set myself up, usually the couch or recliner, gets surrounded with my stuff.

The hubby: As shown above, the guy is great and patient, as always. It's wonderful to journey through Lent with him this year.

In the kitchen: Nothing too terribly exciting...oven tacos will be tomorrow. Our parish has a shrimp boil every Friday of Lent that Matt likes to help out at, so we go there each week.

Crafting: merp.

Learning: Synoptic Gospels: Ending the Gospel of Mark, beginning Gospel of Matthew
                Fundamental Moral Theology: my next couple of assignments are coming up in the next couple of weeks (there are only six assignments through the whole semester, two every 4ish weeks)...catching up on some Aquinas reading from a couple weeks ago, listening to class notes

Reading: not too much...

Watching:  We recently went to see Old Fashioned in the theater. I know people have strong opinions one way or the other usually in regards to "Christian" movies...I think in the past couple of years I've come to a middle of the road with them. Most of the time they are cheesy and the acting can be sub-par, but you know what? If it's between that and the smut that's out there, gosh darn I'd like something decent to see! Of course I'd like to see more well-rounded, great Catholic movies that don't have to label themselves Catholic but at the same time deliver a Catholic message (The Jeweler's Shop, Of Gods and Men, Les Miserables, A Man for All Seasons, pretty much anything from this list), but movies like that are few and far between.
 
Bringing me joy: I have some parents that are really getting on board with youth group and getting kids to come...the beginning of Lent...part of my Lenten prayer was to get back on-board with spiritual direction. My spiritual director from college is our parish priest, but I just haven't felt quite right in asking him about spiritual direction again, plus he's really busy keeping the school up and running. For a new priest, I know that's a lot to handle. In any case, I got to thinking in the past couple of weeks that the Apostles of the Interior Life are up here in KC, so I decided to contact them and begin. I technically have a spiritual "mentor," a lay woman who went through their courses. She's a wonderful lady I'll be meeting with regularly. It's a bit different from having a priest, but I know some great priests and bishops have lay women as spiritual directors, so I'm excited for where this will lead.

Thinking about: This past week was long...my car has some funny engine noises that we're trying to get addressed, and then on Thursday the rear driver's side window was just shattered...it didn't look like there was any breaking-and-entering, nor was it hit...it was just evenly shattered all the way across. I'm a bit peeved with the car right now...just minor issues that, altogether, add up quite a bit, and when we would like to focus on student loans so that we can get out under that debt so that we can look at houses sooner than later, it's just a plain annoyance.

Pictures to share:

I walked into my youth group room last Sunday, and voila, this pool table was in there! Pretty neat that someone donated that for the kids.

New Doctor!: Quote of the Day XXXVII

"Lord God of all, able to do anything,
all-encompassing space, unbounded, unlimited,
close to all with your very essence,
nowhere, yet without you there are no bounds,
invisible, yet without the light of your dawn nothing is visible,
awesome glory, incomprehensible name,
voice of majesty, sound of the infinite,
essence beyond analysis,
unreachable distance, immediate closeness,
who notes gentleness and sees distress,
stands by grief and can cure all hopeless cases,
Father of compassion who spreads mercy,
God of comfort."

St. Gregory of Narek
Prayer 23
Speaking with God from the Depths of the Heart: The Armenian Prayer Book of St. Gregory of Narek

Littles are cute

Out my window: thinks of how warm it was this past weekend...goes to check out the five day forecast...*le sigh*

Clothing myself in: jeans, white cami, bright pink tee with white and grey striped cardigan and pink heart earrings...oh, and my bright pink Valentine's day socks ;-) tomorrow is a staff work day, so today was the Valentine's day celebration at the preschool.

Around the apartment: Gettin' the laundry done! I also have a pile of papers to go through that have been accumulating on my desk and the dining room table...tax papers, junk mail, you name it. Eh, that'll be a project for tomorrow.

The hubby: It was sooooo nice coming home to him after a fun weekend in St. Louis. So nice.

In the kitchen: I had a week of recipe FAILS last week. The crockpot mac & cheese was decent, but the salisbury steak fell apart in the crockpot, so it was more like salisbury...mess. I think the issue is that the directions have you only sear each side and then put it in...the grease didn't get all out that way, so it separated out while cooking. I was so mad. On the chicken parmesan casserole, it called for cubed, COOKED chicken, and THEN you bake it. Guess who cubed the chicken, and forgot to cook it? *raises hand sloooowly into the air* Luckily, after nuking it for about 5 minutes, the chicken came out well cooked. Phew.
On the schedule this week has been: chicken fried chicken using the recipe from my friend over at Every Day is a Gift, easy ham and cheese rolls and beef tips and gravy.

Crafting: The shower went over really well, everybody seemed to like the games and I heard all good things about the prayer! However, now I am tired. Still tired and recovering. To be honest, the night after the shower I had to get some homework submitted online, but it was also a nice getaway for a while from everyone. And the next day I had a parent meeting for my youth group. This introvert reached her people limit.

Learning: Synoptic Gospels: Beginning on the Gospel of Mark
                Fundamental Moral Theology: First paper due this week on the topic of why the nature of the soul is so important for establishing what the ultimate end of man is and what the objective nature of that end is.

Reading: Not too much at the moment, actually, this week was light on reading.

Watching:  I watched Frozen (:-D) with my expectant friend and her sis in STL. It was a much needed girls night. Besides that...I don't know, I'm drawing a blank. I'm tired.
 
Bringing me joy: I really don't like it when one of my littles at the preschool get hurt, but then they're snuggly until they calm down, and I like that. They're cute. One of them has started to say my name (and their main teacher that comes in when I get off is also named Chelsea, so they're very exposed to the name), and it comes out something like: Ehl-shee. It's super cute. Especially when you're coming into work at 6:30am in the morning, not quite awake, and hear an excited voice yell down the hall, Ehl-shee! Oh man. So cute. Also, this conversation happened recently between a couple of the older kids:
Z: What does your house look like? Like, what colors are in it?
M: Well, there's some greens...
Z: Oh, our house is brown, like chocolate milk, except we don't drink it, 'cause it's paint.

Thinking about: oh good grief people, when will I stop being so tired? I want to tell myself and my body to stop being so tired.

Pictures to share: Eh, I got nothin'.

Chore day and round three

Out my window: snowy, but with the promise of a nice, warm weekend.

Clothing myself in: redish/pink sweater, jeans, knee-high boots. My hair came out curly this morning from my braid yesterday, so I just spritzed it and pulled it half up to show off my rare occurrence of fun curls.

Around the apartment: Today was "chore day." I did the dishes, vacuumed, cleaned the bathroom and *shameful face* put away socks from doing laundry a week ago.
                                     In an attempt to not keep beating myself up over my lack of energy and inability to ever get anything done, it seems, I've started changing the focus of my days, rather than getting multiple things crammed into each day. Monday is work day (well, I work in the morning every day, but Monday is for youth group and Reditus), Tuesday is school day, Wednesday is volunteer day, Thursday is chore day, Friday is exercise day...Saturday and Sunday is up in the air still, haven't hit a groove yet.

The hubby: The guy was awesome and cleared off my car this morning :-). Hmm...I don't know, life is busy and usual. Nothing too out of the ordinary. He's helping a Benedictine friend move this weekend.

In the kitchen: On the schedule this week has been: steak and crockpot mac & cheese, salisbury steak, and chicken parmesan casserole. Allllll Pinterest. Sidenote: did you know that kielbasa is soooo cheap compared to other meats and stretches a long way? A huge help to this gal on a budget.

Crafting: I'm preparing for a baby shower this weekend, and I'm using the birth blessing idea that my sister-in-law wrote about. Should be fun! Also I made this craft for my youth group room. I need to put more hooks around the room...and put a ladder in there so I'm not precariously standing on chairs trying to hang things above the chalkboards.

Learning: Synoptic Gospels: reviewing the historical-critical methods of reading Scripture/the New Testament.
                Fundamental Moral Theology: Veritatis Splendor, Man's Desire for God by Fr. Mullady, the class professor, a little bit of CCC and some Summa (What up, Aquinas? We meet again.). Basically setting the ground work for the relationship of soul/body and why the Church has the authority to speak on moral issues.

Reading: See above.

Watching:  I had round THREE of sickness last weekend. Yuck. I finished How to Marry a Millionaire, and watched a documentary called Hungry for More, Hondo (expanding my John Wayne movie base, thanks to Netflix), and The Inn of the Sixth Happiness (old Ingrid Bergman movie).
 
Bringing me joy: traveling to STL tomorrow, getting to see one of my best friends with the School Sisters of Christ the King recently, seeing kids impacted by material from youth group, even if it's only one or two who show up.

Thinking about: oh yeah I have homework due tomorrow and Saturday and I'm traveling and putting on a baby shower. Oh. I swear I knew this going into the week...it's just hitting me now OH MY LANTA I HAVE SO MUCH TO WORK ON.

Pictures to share: I know I shared this on Facebook, but it just brings me so much joy, I can't help but share it again.

Mark 4:1-20: Daily Gospel XXIV

I love this parable for the fact that it's about the only one where Jesus goes into detail for them as to what each portion means. Nowadays we like to think we are so advanced in our learning of the Bible that the parables are too simplistic and child-like for us to learn anything from them. Ah, how mistaken we are. There is always depth to God's Word. I think we best discover this when we focus on just one small part of the parable, such as when we are asked to put ourselves in the role of the father in the parable of the Prodigal Son, or the Samaritan in the parable of the Good Samaritan.

Just so, in this parable, I found myself thinking of the seed which falls on the path. The seed doesn't even have the chance to take root before it is trampled underfoot, or swept away with the wind. Jesus identifies this seed as the Word that is sown, and Satan comes and takes the Word from them. I wondered at first how this situation would be different from the thorns (cares of the world choking out the Word). So often we fall prey to cares of the world without Satan having to lift a finger to do anything. The seed on the path is almost more circumstantial; Satan blocks the Word from being able to take effect (or so he thinks). We can think of many ways this may take place: the Gospel not being properly taught or interpreted, or maybe being presented with some resources on Scripture and moral teaching but never having the time or proper encouragement to follow through and learn.

There are some fallen-away Catholic family and friends I can think of by whom I am separated by distance. Sometimes the thought crosses my mind, "Where are the good Catholics in their area? Who could they encounter today? If only a good Catholic, wherever they are, could somehow have the courage to step into their lives this very day and make a difference." How often do we pray for our fellow Catholics to receive their proper instruction and then to boldly go proclaim the Gospel? The Word is ready to be scattered, but is kept from reaching the soil it needs to reach. There is a real spiritual battle going on, and we must, must pray for each other to reach those who need to hear the Word.

Further, we need to pray for the grace to recognize those who need to hear the Good News. Something I learned in my time with FOCUS, which I have found indeed rings true in my life, is that just because someone grew up with you, learned the same lessons and the same catechesis, that does not mean that they were ever personally invited into a relationship with God. It stuns me still that fellow students I went to high school with, whom I know were in the same classes which convicted me in my faith, could not hear the same message; perhaps they were never invited to participate in it. Whenever I was asked by my FOCUS discipler about what grounded me in my faith at a young age, I give a lot of credit to Totus Tuus...growing up, as long as I remember, I was surrounded by young adults who were cool, living out their faith, and inviting us into their joy. How beautiful!

Let us pray that Satan be defeated from blocking us from sowing the Word, by praying for other Catholics who may have a strong influence if only they knew who to reach, and also in our own lives by recognizing those around us that we are neglecting to invite into a loving and tender faith and love with our God. May the blinds fall off of our eyes to recognize the hurt in our world and act upon it.

A "God loves you" day

It's been one of those weeks...

That about says it. Struggles I see other people going through...struggles all around. Major struggle bus. I think it's about time to have a "God is still here and still loves you" day.

What would such a day hold? Good music. Good reading. Returning to beautiful notes from friends, prayers, pictures.

Sometimes faith seems to swing from one extreme to another. A popular extreme these days is "Love is a decision, not a feeling." Of course it is. But we can't keep denying that love necessarily involves feeling...as I love reminding people, and as I need to be so often reminded myself, we are body and soul. A previous class on the philosophy of love was the perfect reminder for me that the Church recognizes this. Love is not only feeling, but it does involve feeling, and we shouldn't keep sweeping it under a rug or diminishing that. Instead we should explore it, what is involved, what is the meaning. I think this ties in with another popular thought in Catholic circles that Mass is not what you get out of it, but what you put into it. Again, not denying any truth. But if someone is really for long periods of time not discovering true love and peace within prayer, then it's a good time to discuss that with a spiritual director. Maybe a change in prayer focus. Maybe prayer a different time of day. But prayer should necessarily be affecting us bodily, physically, and mentally. It is not an isolated soul experience.

My prayer has been wacky lately, and sometimes it's hard to kickstart because you start to convince yourself that you don't deserve a prayer life, you don't deserve to feel things you once felt in prayer because you haven't been trying hard enough at prayer itself, so what's the use? Of course the feeling is not that which we should be primarily seeking, but it's undeniable that it should be part of the experience. Even those in the dark night of the soul who are advanced in prayer are experiencing a physical type of peace and loss and ache for Christ...it would be wrong to say that the dark night is a non-experiencing of God. It should not be something to scare us. Instead, it should awaken a deep desire in us to delve still further.

So I will seek God and His love and protection...not because I expect to feel nothing, not because I expect to feel consolation, but because He is my Father and I love Him, and I accept whatever will accompany my prayer. I will pray with Mary because she is the perfect model of this being affected by prayer; she pondered and truly felt the prayer and accompanying aches and joys.

God loves you...are you willing to feel it?

Entering into the ordinary (season)

I had my first chiropractor appointment today. She observed my idiosyncrasies (right hip higher than left, abnormal movement of back when bending, apparently my neck is cray-cray when I close my eyes and bring my head to eye level...weird). I had my first ever readjustment, folks...hips were popped in, spine was popped, neck was crunched (weird weird weird...how many times can I use that word when speaking of this readjustment business? The human body is a strange thing, people.). Following on lab work also, she had me pick up some good ole Vitamin D at the pharmacy...it will help maintain bone health, and, oh I don't know, maybe boost my seasonal low energy? Maybe? One can be hopeful... I wouldn't necessarily say I have SAD, at least not anything nearly severe as what I know other people experience it, but I have been staying as close to the windows as possible during the day all winter just to attempt to soak in that little bit of sunlight to boost my mood. Apparently I'm below the low range for Vitamin D, so I'll be taking a somewhat high dosage.

Anywho, now that I've bored you with that update...

Honeymoon/birthday were awesome! Splendid! Wonderful! Restful! We went to our lovely friends' wedding, went to a movie on my birthday, hit up the Mall of America, and for a post-birthday treat for me, since museums apparently are not open on Mondays, we went to the Minnesota History Museum on our last day (I'm such a nerd...). We came back on Thursday and had a bit of a stay-cation for the last three days before today. Ah. Lovely lovely.

School starts up this week. Mostly just introducing yourself to all of the other online peeps at this point. I'll be taking Synoptic Gospels and Fundamental Moral Theology I, my last two core classes. I figure that way I can finish off school with a summer semester of fun electives. It looks like the Synoptic Gospels class will be mostly Lectio Divina, which is interesting...I've never really been graded on Lection Divina...? We shall see how it goes.