Lessons on Mary II

I've seen this tab on Catholic Online for a while, but have investigated till now.  You should too!  There's several tabs at the top of the page with devotions, messages of Mary, etcetera etcetera etcetera.  It definitely rocks my socks.  Check it out:  Mary, Mother of God page at Catholic Online

Twenty four

"In Christ there are no goodbyes.  And in Christ there is no end."

After spending 5 days back home with my family I'm back in KC.  And it was as hard as ever coming back.  This time I broke down to my mom before I left.  *sigh*

For as short of a time as I spent at home, it was pretty significant.  We said goodbye in the form of a funeral.  My cousins' grandfather on the other side of their family passed away and we attended the rosary and funeral (it was like a reunion of my parents' old pals from when they ran around west Wichita back in the day).  I also said goodbye to my brother, seeing him probably for the last time before he leaves at the beginning of June for 1-2 years for South Korea and who knows where else.  So these past few days held a lot for me.  I had fun with my family down in Oklahoma hiking and going to our old spots and sharing memories of the state park where we vacation...saw The Avengers (I'll say this once and only once for the record:  it was a good movie)...had some separate one-on-one time with my parents...  It was good.  And really hard to leave again.  I could really live without the home-sickness.  For real.

In the past year I've discovered a "hole" in my heart that only home can fill.  I don't know how I didn't discover it my first couple of years of college, but this past year it has hit me hard.  If my "hole" in my heart for home is so huge and apparent and empty most of the time, it makes me wonder what my "hole" in my heart for God is like.  Is it as big?  It doesn't ache as much most of the time as my home "hole" does.  Do I ignore that ache?  Or do I fill it with other things that don't belong?  It could be that I've let that hole become cluttered, while the "hole" for home is still a new and fresh wound for me.

All I know is, I already have the number of days counted to the next time I go home. 24.

St. Bernadine of Siena

1.)  I wish I had St. Bernadine's energy.  He worked non-stop at a hospital with some companions during a plague that was ravaging the city, and only fell ill after the plague was done from sheer exhaustion of his work.

2.)  He became a Franciscan and became a famous preacher.  He was called by the Pope a "second Paul".

3.)  Even when it was clear that he was near death, he preached for 55 consecutive days (like I said, I need this saint's energy some days).

Learn more about the saints!  Visit Catholic Online and find the Saints tab :-)

Who needs sleep anyways?

Permit me one moment to vent...

I've been scheduled to work 7 days in a row by fluke.  I'm currently between day 3 and 4.  I just worked a double because someone called in sick on another floor, and I work again in the morning.  My back aches and all I want to do is stand in the shower and go to bed and sleep with no alarm.

Phew.  I promise, that's it as far as the ranting goes on this post.  The rest is a bit more rosy.  I'm all settled into my new room for the summer.  I was blessed to find a few girls at UMKC through FOCUS that have a house here in KC, and one of the girls is also staying here for the summer, so for a very reasonable rent I'm staying here while working.  My room is nice and cozy now and my life is once again organized after living out of storage tubs for a week or so.  I'm going to have to get used to just living off of groceries instead of a mix of groceries and dining services on campus, but I'm adjusting well.  And next week, as soon as I get off my 7th day of work, I'm packing up and heading back home to go on a small vacation with my family down to our regular spot in Oklahoma.  The thought of being home soon gets me through each day and each hour of each day.  In addition to the thought of sleep each night, of course.

I just reread "Hinds' Feet on High Places" and the book seriously rocked my world again the second time around.  It was the perfect book for beginning the summer.  I won't give away too much of the plot for those of you out there that I'm bound and determined to lend the book to, but the thought of going into the desert and learning how to accept joyfully the will of the Lord was the right medicine to be given for starting this summer in a somewhat foreign way, being away from home for the first time.  I just want to absorb everything in the book. 

More good news that I just got: my brother got his orders!  He was supposed to be home at the beginning of May so he would be home for a month before leaving in June for Korea.  However, due to a mix of him being a little slow on some paperwork and the government being MUCHO slow on their part of processing his orders, he's been stuck there in Virginia till now.  And what should I discover but that he's finally heading home!  Now he'll for sure be home for our Oklahoma trip, and I'll be able to spend some quality bro-sis, arguing/laughing/teasing time :-)

Alright y'all.  Goodnight.

Quote of the day XXVII

 "Much-Afraid, don't ever allow yourself to begin trying to picture what it will be like. Believe me, when you get to the places which you dread you will find that they are as different as possible from what you have imagined..."--The Shepherd, Hinds' Feet on High Places

Year in review

Graduation is done, which means I have taken up residency in another house for the summer.  This week was bittersweet, though it's hard to tell whether or not the bitter outweighed the sweet.  I know the hardest part for me is to see everyone move on and be done with school and go home. Part of me is happy for them, part of me is sad and wants to cling to the school year, and part of me gets angry and jealous that they get to go home and I don't.  Unfortunately it is the latter that seems to swell up and take over my thoughts.  Luckily my friends that have stuck around KC for a while longer to help with graduation have been really good at helping me keep my mind off of being left here for the summer and live in the present.

Anyways, I figure I can now do a year-in-review since my emotions are more under control then they have been.  So here are the best, worst, and most memorable memories and lessons of my junior year:

1. When living in an upstairs room, light furniture is the best.
2. Meals are best when shared by 3+ people.
3. Buying groceries with no income is a humbling experience.
4. Cardinals baseball is addictive.  So is Everwood.
5. My FOCUS discipleship chain had the best inside jokes.
6. I will never be as funny or witty or sarcastic as Bad Catholic.  But I do love to pass on his blog posts and cause a stir.
7. CNA work makes you get over yourself real quick. If there's something wrong to be done, I've probably done it (multiple times), or I just haven't done that task yet.
8. School supplies canNOT be repacked the same way they came to school. Somehow what took me one trip with my dad's truck and my car at the beginning of the year turned into 1 trip with my dad's truck and 3 with my car.  What...??
9. Don't second-guess yourself on pathophysiology questions...not that it matters, because you can only look at them once anyways!
10. Never trust squirrels. They may drop bags of white chocolate that looks like drugs onto your lawn...true story.
11. Using air freshener is an effective way to kill gnats...albeit a little gross...
12. Space heaters are definitely a great invention.  Especially when they keep your room above 50 degrees.
13. Always keep an eye on the blender.  The contents may end up on the ceiling...and cabinet...and counter top...and floor...
14. Never underestimate the value and warmth of a good hug.
15. Never pass up a moment to play some music and dance to your hearts content while doing chores.

Daily Gospel XIV: John 15: 9-11

From: Life of St Francis of Assisi known as the "Assisi compilation" (13th century)
ch.120  (trans. ©2000 Franciscan Institute of St Bonaventure University) 

"Remain in his love"

From the beginning of his conversion until the day of his death blessed Francis greatly afflicted his body. He used to say that if a servant of God always strives to have and preserve joy inter­nally and externally which proceeds from purity of heart, the devils can do him no harm. They would say: "Since the servant of God has joy both in tribulation and in prosperity, we do not know where to find an entrance to enter him and do him harm."

One day he reproved one of his companions who looked sad and long-faced. He told him: "Why are you sad and sorrowful over your offenses? It is a matter between you and God. Pray to Him, that by His mercy He may grant you the joy of His salvation (Ps 51[50],14). Try to be joyful always around me and others, because it is not fitting that a servant of God appear before his brother or others with a sad and glum face.

 

Another school year ends

I started writing a post but it was way too reflective on the year and finals and transition and life to ever be what I would want it to be.  So, instead, I will resort to sharing my song lately I've been playing to keep from getting upset at saying goodbye. 

Smile :-)

Picture/news item of the day XXII

This is interesting to me since I've been in a French class this year and this topic of their elections comes up every once in a while.  Their Catholics face many of our similar problems in the U.S.:  Catholics caught between non-negotiable principles and mediation

Split | Attention

These days the way I describe life is in a to-do list form.  This past week I had one one-and-a-half page to-do list split into 7 categories (it's down to 4 categories now, I believe).  It's hard for me to tell what to do first on each list sometimes.  It's even more difficult when I look across the whole to-do list and try to decide what to do first.  Obviously I need to focus on studying for finals, but I also need to finish a few things for my school applications, and I absolutely can't let anything slip my mind concerning moving out of the on-campus house once school ends.

I have all these things vying for my attention.  Not only from one list, but several lists.  I'm a very split person these days.  Sometimes I just ignore them all and go to sleep early.  Not exactly a method of getting anything done, but it's at least something I can accomplish with decent success.

What's sad and annoying and frustrating to me is that prayer is on one of these lists.  If it wasn't on the list, it truthfully wouldn't be thought of these days.  Since when did God have to vie for my attention over the rest of my life?  Pretty sure sitting for a while in the chapel trumps getting a hold of a physician assistant to shadow most of the time in my mind...yet I place importance on the other aspects over God because they have due dates put to them, while God is always there.  Since God is constant, He gets pushed back to the "I'll take care of that later as soon as all of this other stuff is taken care of" list (or under the miscellaneous list, for short...right next to the "make a list of kitchen appliances to get for next year" bullet point).  That's right, my school list is first, and at the end is the miscellaneous list where prayer gets fit in.

I really don't like that about me.  That my life gets so big and full that I have to open up a few minutes to my Beloved and limit Him to those few minutes.  Of course I know He is with me constantly...nothing can change that.  But the fact that I only remember that and keep Him on my mind for a few minutes at a time is something that needs fixed.  God shouldn't have to climb over school/grad school/wedding/shopping to-do lists to get to me.  I want Him to contain all of it and me in Him.

Now I know God knows my limits...we are made to focus on one thing at a time.  And I know that, if I study in a certain way, then that can become a prayer.  So this is all about transforming my attention, not trying to split it three different ways.  It's just not really practical for me to stop studying every hour for a prayer break.  So how can I keep Him front and center?

1) listening to calm music that lifts the soul
2) I just learned about the Jesus prayer when reading "Time for God" for one of our FOCUS Bible studies...even just saying His Name can be a small way to call Him to mind during studying
3) don't multitask during studying...if that means studying for 3 hours straight before I talk to a friend or have a meal, so be it

I guess those are some small tools I'm trying to use to not get overwhelmed and return to Him.  I'm tired of being split.  I want to be whole, and wholly His.