Split | Attention

These days the way I describe life is in a to-do list form.  This past week I had one one-and-a-half page to-do list split into 7 categories (it's down to 4 categories now, I believe).  It's hard for me to tell what to do first on each list sometimes.  It's even more difficult when I look across the whole to-do list and try to decide what to do first.  Obviously I need to focus on studying for finals, but I also need to finish a few things for my school applications, and I absolutely can't let anything slip my mind concerning moving out of the on-campus house once school ends.

I have all these things vying for my attention.  Not only from one list, but several lists.  I'm a very split person these days.  Sometimes I just ignore them all and go to sleep early.  Not exactly a method of getting anything done, but it's at least something I can accomplish with decent success.

What's sad and annoying and frustrating to me is that prayer is on one of these lists.  If it wasn't on the list, it truthfully wouldn't be thought of these days.  Since when did God have to vie for my attention over the rest of my life?  Pretty sure sitting for a while in the chapel trumps getting a hold of a physician assistant to shadow most of the time in my mind...yet I place importance on the other aspects over God because they have due dates put to them, while God is always there.  Since God is constant, He gets pushed back to the "I'll take care of that later as soon as all of this other stuff is taken care of" list (or under the miscellaneous list, for short...right next to the "make a list of kitchen appliances to get for next year" bullet point).  That's right, my school list is first, and at the end is the miscellaneous list where prayer gets fit in.

I really don't like that about me.  That my life gets so big and full that I have to open up a few minutes to my Beloved and limit Him to those few minutes.  Of course I know He is with me constantly...nothing can change that.  But the fact that I only remember that and keep Him on my mind for a few minutes at a time is something that needs fixed.  God shouldn't have to climb over school/grad school/wedding/shopping to-do lists to get to me.  I want Him to contain all of it and me in Him.

Now I know God knows my limits...we are made to focus on one thing at a time.  And I know that, if I study in a certain way, then that can become a prayer.  So this is all about transforming my attention, not trying to split it three different ways.  It's just not really practical for me to stop studying every hour for a prayer break.  So how can I keep Him front and center?

1) listening to calm music that lifts the soul
2) I just learned about the Jesus prayer when reading "Time for God" for one of our FOCUS Bible studies...even just saying His Name can be a small way to call Him to mind during studying
3) don't multitask during studying...if that means studying for 3 hours straight before I talk to a friend or have a meal, so be it

I guess those are some small tools I'm trying to use to not get overwhelmed and return to Him.  I'm tired of being split.  I want to be whole, and wholly His.