Palm Sunday at the Cathedral

I had to share this experience, because it was probably one of the best of the week. Today for Mass, Emily and I decided to go to the Cathedral. Going to Mass in the morning makes Sunday feel much more relaxed and, well, Sunday-like. It was the most unassuming cathedral I've ever seen. It fit right in with the downtown area except for its golden dome (23-karat gold!). After musing on which way to enter in, we finally found our way, realizing that the cathedral was set up a little differently than we anticipated. I'll let the pamphlet speak for itself on this one:

"Although the Cathedral is in a rectangular shape, the new sanctuary was designed to resemble a church-in-the-round. The altar floor was raised so all can see, and the steps were curved and the corners were rounded. Two concentric granite circles were designed around the foot of the altar; the ambo, bishop's chair, and presider's chair are also a round design."



So, yeah, as you can see, there was a reason for every detail in this building. The pamphlet (A Self-Guided Tour of the Cathedral of the Immaculate Conception) pointed out every detail, from the meaning of the Rose Window (Sun, moon, crown of 12 stars) to the type of architecture used in the pillars and arcs, to the Mother of the Universe sculpture, chapels, and icons. Even the organ was featured (BEAUTIFUL!! It has a special "Tromba Pontificale" feature that sounds like, well, trumpets...it was truly grand.). Even the Baptisimal font was talked about:

"The full-immersion baptisimal font is in the shape of a womb, to symbolize our new birth in Christ at Baptism."



Historical facts? Those were listed too! Tickets were sold to go up the staircase to the bell tower when the cathedral was first opened because, at the time, it was the largest building in KCMO. Each of the bells are named after a different saint: Sts. Catherine, Cecilia, Edward, Elizabeth, Helen, John, Mary, and Thomas (St. Thomas is rung most often). The stained glass windows were installed in 1912 by local artists at the Kansas City Stained Glass Works Company.

The Mass, of course, was beautiful. Between the organ and the wonderful readings and homily, I was just giddy to finally go there. Now, trying to find our way back to the highway we needed...that was a different story. Yay for grand adventures! Happy Palm Sunday!

"Worry Gem"

"You asked Our Lord to let you suffer a little for Him. But when suffering comes in such a normal, human form--family difficulties and problems...or those thousand awkward little things of ordinary life--you find it hard to see Christ behind it. Open your hands willingly to those nails...and your sorrow will be turned into joy."--St. Josemaria Escriva...he seems to know the story of my life.

So, this is a little bit of my reflection from Adoration this evening. I was mulling over some points in spiritual direction that came up last semester (this semester's busy schedule has made it difficult to schedule regular spiritual direction, and as my director said, this is by the Holy Spirit's doing and I need to pick up the cues that the Spirit drops in life through such things as a busy schedule) and especially on how often I become angry at myself for my habits of worrying. Since I can remember I've been a planner and dreamer, always wanting to get an agenda worked through. And if I haven't been the one criticizing myself interiorly for it and wanting to find someway to live "day to day" as soooo many prescribe, then somebody else has been advising me to slow down and work on God's time. My spiritual director slowly has been showing me that my planning and worrying can be used for good.

I guess that's something about virtues and vices and human habits. Our worst habits...worrying, greed, lust, pride...are virtues misconstrued and used for wrong. To use Christopher West's wonderful analogy, we have these passions and desires like the engines of a rocket, but we turn them in on ourselves and self-destruct instead of propelling ourselves towards the heavens. All this time I've spent getting upset at myself and trying to radically correct my worrying ways could be spent in learning how to direct that worrying towards a good purpose, just as pride in one's work should be turned into a God-glorifying moment, and greed can be a proper recognition of God's good work on earth.

In other words, the extreme amount of worrying I might (*ahem* probably will) spend this week focused on tests/projects can properly be conducted into sacrifice for others. It's so...freeing...to realize that we can take our worst faults and use those habits toward a better purpose. I don't have to rid myself of worrying, only direct it to God's purposes. Instead of labeling myself as a "worry wart", I can perhaps be more aptly called a "worry gem"...a diamond in the hands of my Lord, being made into who He wants me to become.

Oh, and while I'm thinking about St. Josemaria, check this out!

A Conversation

Me: Mkay, God, I'm here again today with my pail, fill 'er on up and I'm outta here.

God: *shakes Head* We've talked about this before. If you'd come with a bigger pail, or even have the courage to jump into my Ocean of Love, you wouldn't have to come back for the same marginal amount every day. You'd have all you need in Me.

Me: And, like I said every time, Lord, we...I...am comfortable with this bucket load. It's easy for me to carry and contemplate all on its own. Why can't You be satisfied with this? See, it makes it so that I can come back every day...routine, ya know?

God: Does My Love not satisfy you?

Me: Sure it does, why would I be coming back every day with my pail if it didn't?

God: Then why don't you want more?

Me: I don't know God...You're kind of...overwhelming. Really, I don't know if I could handle more than this. I mean, of course Your Ocean of Love looks awesome...but I also like my bucket. I like to know what to expect. And I doubt you could fit all of Your Ocean into this bucket. Though, if You wanna try...

God: Oh, you do make Me smile. No, I cannot fit My Ocean into your bucket. Not that I don't want to, but I can only work with you as much as you will work with Me. I can completely satisfy you, but your trust and expectations in the form of this small bucket...just aren't cutting it. What keeps you from jumping into My Ocean?

Me: Well...God...I could use some swimming lessons. I mean, you expect me to jump into Your Ocean, but I don't really think I can handle it. Like I said, You're overwhelming. I need baby steps.

God: That's what you said when you started bringing just your pail. And I thought you'd keep bringing a bigger and bigger pail once you experienced My goodness. Would it really hurt to just step into the water?

Me: Well, no, not really. But what if there's a current? And waves? You and I both know how frightened I can get. I like my feet on solid ground. I like to know where I am, what to expect.

God: You need to trust Me that, once you step in, I'll take care of you. Every part of My Love has purpose. The waves, the currents of this Ocean, are meant not to take you under, but to bring you closer to Me. I'm willing to go slowly with you, though. Just put one foot in...leave it there for a while...and, once you trust Me, put the next foot in. We can go from there.

Me: *sigh* God, along with being overwhelming, You're also undeniably hard to bargain with. Okay...here goes...