So, this past Sunday's first reading...spoke to my perpetually-confused-and-very-melancholic soul. I'll just post it in it's entirety for reference:
Wisdom 9:13-18
Who can know God's counsel, or who can conceive what the LORD intends?
For the deliberations of mortals are timid, and unsure are our plans.
For the corruptible body burdens the soul and the earthen shelter weighs down the mind that has many concerns.
And scarce do we guess the things on earth, and what is within our grasp we find with difficulty; but when things are in heaven, who can search them out?
Or who ever knew your counsel, except you had given Wisdom and sent your holy spirit from on high?
And thus were the paths of those on earth made straight, and men learned what was your pleasure, and were saved by Wisdom.
Things have slowly been coming together in my new adult post-college life. Engagement...grad school... Now I've been waiting on a job (remember, melancholic (so glad that God's grace is transforming and helps me grow beyond that (that's a different post for a different day))). After listening to this reading, I thought perhaps I should break out of my melancholic state on the matter and find points on which to rejoice.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had a wonderful summer spent with my parents.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it reminds me of my dependency on my Creator.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have had time to work on my prayer life.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because I have a flexible schedule that allows me to see and have nice, long conversations with friends.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it has given me time to work on wedding planning and beginning grad school.
I am grateful for not having a job yet...because it's a humbling experience.
Not that I don't want a job...I really really really want a job. But I need to remember (even if it takes a spiritual 2x4 to the heart) that unemployment is graced also.
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Thank you, moms out there.
Thank you for your cute photos. And recipe suggestions. And for sharing your rough days.
See, I've been having quite a few people tell me that it's nice that I "have my vocation figured out" now that I'm engaged. Granted, this usually comes from my still-discerning, well-intentioned friends.
But the truth is, I don't.
Maybe I'm getting too technical here, but I don't think I'll have marriage "figured out" until I get to the end. I know they mean that I've discerned which path I'm pretty sure God is wanting me to take to get to holiness in the way that is most suited to my spirituality and temperament, but to consider me some kind of a peer expert on dating or vocation...oh man. I'm just not that person.
There is an interesting article that keeps making the rounds about how this blogger doesn't buy into the whole "soul-mate" idea. I go back and forth in my mind on some of the points on whether I agree with them or not...but I think the same thing can apply to our discernment of vocations as Catholics (I hope I'm not saying something heretical here in the next few sentences (maybe you should check with somebody else, like a priest who knows what they're talking about, before you take what I say seriously(#theologianproblems(I promise, I don't usually use hastags)))). We have an interesting thing with our faith where we don't just have to figure out who we're called to marry...we also discern if we're even called to marriage, or maybe to the religious life/priesthood. It's almost like a double whammy. Many of my friends and I have struggled with the first big question: Marriage? Religious life/priesthood? Maybe it's a little bit like this article. The point I'm trying to make is that sometimes we young Catholics make the discerning process seem so stoic and serious and huge. We forget that romance is a good, fun, exciting, wholesome thing. We forget that it's ok to tease and laugh with the Sisters on our discernment retreats. God isn't trying to confuse us, He is only encouraging us to learn about ourselves and where we most find peace with Him.
When I say that I'm engaged and am called to marriage, I don't have it all figured out. I only know that I find marriage more challenging than the religious life (for me), that I find God's love most in moments of harmony rather than disassociation, and that loving a spouse is going to better help me learn what it means to love God, and to be loved by Him. And that's why I'm pursuing marriage.
And that's why it's nice to be at the stage where I'm starting to have more and more young married friends, and some that are mothers. Because it's a nice, humble reminder that it is a journey. Plus, it's nice to know I have women in my life to turn to a year or two down the road when I'm bursting with questions about how to do the whole married thing. I just want to tell every married blogger I know to keep their blogs up for a long time so I have their posts to go to to get inspiration and ideas.
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