Validation

Today I went to the doctor, not expecting much...instead, it left me with a lot to ponder!

This was an "establishing primary care" visit, since I'm new here and all. In the course of the physical, the doctor felt my back and immediately pointed out the curvature of my spine.

In truth I've known about the curve in my spine for years. My pediatrician checked now and again, but it was never much cause for concern other than a, "Be careful how you wear your bookbag!" The first time I remember feeling severe back pain was standing on a street waiting for a parade competition in marching band my freshman year of high school. I just couldn't stand in any posture without an intense ache. Through the years the intensity has varied, from not noticeable a good portion of the time to days where nothing I do seems to help my back feel okay except for lying down.

Today the doctor said that it was past the point of correction...it's so far curved that a brace simply won't fix it. All I can do is start with the chiropractor at Matt's work to learn some exercises/stretches that will keep it from getting worse, and to take some scans to see how severe the scoliosis is.

Scoliosis.  So that's the name for my pain. I was texting Matt (since he can't talk over the phone really while he's at work) that at least I feel some validation, like there's a legitimate name and reason for the pain I've been in for the past 10 or so years. Some people living chronic pain are never quite so lucky to have a name to their pain/condition. I think that's why I never talked about it much except for the few people here and there I would tell about my back hurting...so what? Your back hurts? Big deal.

I volunteer at the Center for Practical Bioethics, and while I don't agree morally with all of their stances, I do appreciate their project, PAINS, to connect and aid people living with chronic pain. People need to understand that those suffering with chronic pain are indeed facing a condition of chronic pain, even if there seems to be no rhyme or reason to it. I will be living with this probably for the rest of my life, but I hope that on my worst days, people at least take the time to understand that this is real.