On being a handmaid with a blog

I was up too late the other night, and almost made another one of those posts. You know, the "word vomit" (I wish there was a prettier name for it) type of posts, where I felt like spilling my guts on all I was feeling, from Facebook news to craziness in my own life.

Aren't you glad I didn't do that?

When I reflect on this blog and why I started it, I remember how people were always using the notes section on Facebook, and as useful as it was, I wanted somewhere more creative and vibrant where I could make long posts that didn't necessarily belong in the status section of FB. I wanted it to be a deeper reflection than what I can put on FB, while at the same time still cautious to be a handmaid of the Handmaid and obviously taking my more private reflections to prayer. It was never a matter of gaining followers, so much as having a place to come to put posts pertaining to the truth and beauty of faith that other individuals on FB that are not of the same faith as I would see and begin an argument.

On nights where I'm up too late, get too tired and moody, and want to tell the world exactly how I feel, I need to be careful to guard myself against those spur of the moment, crazy posts that take on their own life. I know it's my own blog, and I can say what I want, but at the same time, the verse holds true that, "The tongue is also a fire. It exists among our members as a world of malice, defiling the whole body and setting the entire course of our lives on fire, itself set on fire by Gehenna. For every kind of beast and bird, of reptile and sea creature, can be tamed and has been tamed by the human species, but no human being can tame the tongue. It is a restless evil, full of deadly poison. With it we bless the Lord and Father, and with it we curse human beings who are made in the likeness of God. From the same mouth come blessing and cursing. This need not be so, my brothers. Does a spring gush forth from the same opening both pure and brackish water? Can a fig tree, my brothers, produce olives, or a grapevine figs? Neither can salt water yield fresh" (James 3:6-12).

In the "blogosphere," we must always be careful that we are using fraternal correction over anger and bullying, and love over petty arguments and jabs. So while I would have loved to tell you all about my rambling thoughts, which were at that point a bit caustic, would that have advanced anyone in holiness? As a handmaid, that must be my primary goal. Sure, things may come out in here in my evaluation of the to-dos of pop culture and daily life, but I must strive for mercy. I think we as Christians, and since it is mostly women that read this, I'll specify further to say that as Christian women, we must seek to show our lives as what they are: messy, irritating, fruitful, and blessed. As much as I want to be a simple handmaid, so often do I complicate things. But to be an effective witness, I think it is absolutely necessary we open up these complicated parts of our lives to grace.

So I will continue to post about how I get into emotional ruts, and my struggles in my vocation, and of course homework, homework, homework...but I do so with the intent of opening up these fragile parts of my life to God's strength, and His will for how to accomplish great things, even in this handmaid.