Blue Screen of Death

My computer this past year has been beginning to act a wee bit temperamental. My old battery made it to the point that it just did not hold a charge anymore, so I replaced that this summer and that has fixed a number of problems, such as the extreme over-heating the computer was doing, and I can have the computer off the cord now for more than one minute before it dies (praise the Lord!!). The past few days, though, there has been a blue screen with a jumble of white writing counting down and then shutting off my computer. Not being well-versed in the ways of technology, I texted Matt about what was going on, and informed me about this tricky "Blue Screen of Death". After doing what he recommended with a computer clean and changing the power settings, the next day it happened again. At which point I realized I really needed to save my computer information in case one of these days the Blue Screen returns again, and for good shuts off my computer. Last night I spent emailing myself all of my important files I want to save, since I currently don't have another way to save my files. It's a temporary move, but at least I know that if my computer crashes, then I can at least access all of my files.

How often are we spiritually sick, but don't know the underlying issue? We can see the symptoms, but don't know the source. I can be feeling moody, irritable, and grumpy, but if I don't get down to what's really bothering me, then all I can do is try to remedy the superficial layers. I think what happens is that, initially, we know what has bothered us...some event that is causing so much turmoil that we either bury it or let ourselves believe that it has been fixed. When you start to feel emotions that you don't immediately connect with the real issue at hand, then it's harder still to get to the root of how to go about what needs to happen for you to feel spiritually well again.

It's important for us not to bury issues and pretend like they're alright when they're not. Something that amazes me about the Blessed Mother is that she "pondered these things in her heart." That is the hardest part of Mary for me to imitate, I think. I usually go about it one of two ways...I bury it, or I can't stand keeping it to myself so I dump it on someone else. It's difficult for me to take it to God instead. Mary truly pondered over things...she didn't bury the trouble, she didn't "emotionally dump" on others, but she truly took the issue from herself and gave it over to her Lord.

It's also important for us to seek out spiritual direction. Preferably a priest. Someone you confess to regularly, so that when you do try to hide the deeper issue, they can say, uh uh, we're going to get to the root of the problem. It's so imperative to have a good spiritual director guided by the Holy Spirit who is not afraid to pinpoint exactly what needs to be done. If a priest is unavailable or if God is still preparing one for you (such as is my case, at the moment), then regular confession is still key, and finding a peer or role model, someone who is spiritually mature and knows you well enough to keep you on track and point out what needs to be done, can also work. I just think it's highly important that we all have someone holding us accountable. That way, when that "Blue Screen of Death" comes along, you can get right to the source and fix whatever is the problem.

Lastly, honesty with yourself is key. Call yourself out! It takes prayer, self-discipline, and a focus on spiritual meditation to accomplish this, and it is no easy task. I am still far from perfect on this. Mental prayer and regularly having recourse to the Sacraments to obtain grace, which will make our spiritual sight clearer, should help us all in this aspect. (Too bad my computer couldn't self-reflect and pinpoint a problem instead of going right to the "Blue Screen of Death").